MIP vs Me: Thank god for chapstick?

So last night me and a bunch of buddies go over to this party here in salt lake, actually in the holiday neighborhoods(in a fucking duplex, the only reason this whole situation happened) and it was this "ski and snowboard" party which didnt exactly work out to well ha, but anyways so we go, they have a keg and some pong and hookah etc standard college party everything was going good.

Heres when things started to go wrong. First thing was they got one keg. Who the shit only has one keg at a party? So luckly i had about 5-6 shots of soco left from the night before but i only got like 5 cups of beer which sucked.

So things got worse,  im playing pong with the remainder of the beer i have. I hear "oh the cops are cruising around the house right now" so im like shit. I drink the rest of my beer and bail to try and get the people i came here with and my driver. So we get all together and we go to leave and there is a loud knock at the door. Of course some dip shit kid sitting at the front door just opens it and the cops walk in.

Being my first instinct i run downstairs to bail out a window or something. A cop is already coming in the downstairs door and making everyone go upstairs. So they gathered everyone upstairs that didnt get away, id say a solid 10 people got out somehow and now there were like maybe 25-30 people upstairs trying to figure out how they are gettin out of this shit. I go around and people are searching shit looking for something to eat or something to beat the brethalizer. Now ive heard many things about beating breathalizers but i never really heard of them working.

So my buddy has this berts bees and is like "dude eat some of this its suppose to work" and at this point im like fuck it and take a nice finger of it and eat it. Didn't exactly taste good but i was hoping it would do something. So they ask whos over 21 and no one there was, so they say "ok if you think you're sober and not going to blow numbers then line up" So a few people line up and get out blowing 0s.

At this point im like fuck it, lets just get this over with and i lined up with some buddies. I had a guy in front of me blow like .026 and i was like fuccck that sucks man, then another blew like .06 and another like .05 low numbers due to lack of alcohol at this party

So this is where it gets interesting

I go to blow and im like fuck ive had like 10 drinks tonight there is no way im going to blow low. So i go to blow and i for some reason decided to try blowing more from my mouth and throat not my lungs, it doest make any sense but i was a little drunk and i did not want this ticket. So i blow and it comes up as like an error. So im like wtf? So they try like 3 more times, every single time it came up as an error. So they tried a couple more guys and they blow blew one like a .04 and one like a .08 so then they tried me again and an error came up again.


At this pont im like wtf!?! am i going to get away with this shit? So after this other cop gets done writing this dumb like 16 year old jail bail girl up, he brings his breathalizer over and was like oh lets try mine. So now im like fuck im done for. So he tries, EXACT same thing comes up, and error. So the cop is like "well there is nothing we can do about it, how old are you" i reply "19" and hes like "alright you can go" and i just dipped out and ran to my friends car in excitement.


Now my predicament is, why the shit didn't the breathlizer work? Chapstick? the way i was breathing? Fuck if i know but all i know is i am one lucky ass mother fucker.

Cliff Notes:
Cops came to a party i was at, i ate some chap stick, i got breathalized, it came up with an error while others were getting numbers and it was working for everyone else and i dont know why it wouldnt work for me and i am basically really lucky.