The salmon spawn in the rivers, soon to die. The bears paw at roofs of sappy snow, emerge, and begin eating trash. The birds lounging at their canary pools glance northward in unison. Napes provides color commentary in the personal space of the camera. It’s a seasonal rhythm. It’s here. The swells of spring have brought with them SLVSH Cup Grandvalira 2025, the 13th SLVSH Cup and the 7th hosted at Grandvalira in the tiny nation of Andorra. With game one of SCGV 25 dropping tomorrow, we are on the eve of a 19ish day freeskiing advent for all the children (and 20-30 something Newschoolers commenters) to enjoy.

On the sixth day of advent, Krampus descends upon the town, beats the naughty children with sticks of brush, and doles out coal in the stockings. He is hairy and has goat feet and a dragon tongue. But guys, Krampus is flawed too. He has to carry a big ass chain with no discernible bling while trying to win the admiration of Saint Nicholas, whom he fell out of love with in the early 1300s. While you may be getting flashbacks to your own Krampusnachts, you’ll also remember that last years SLVSH Krampus was land-holding Harlaut helper Noah Albaladejo, who rightfully dished out vigilante branch-beatings to a new school of SLVSH rookies with no upper body strength and gilla Wu-Tang style to keep up. Noah is not participating this year so the Krampus crown will be passed on in the sixth game of the tournament. Beware.

Seb is giving Krampuskind.

Before each tournament, I run the numbers. I crunch ‘em. I see who the people are bullish on and who’s hibernating on who. It’s total researcher’s bias but I’ve noticed that Swedish athletes (besides Henrik aka Lebron) do really bad in SLVSH Cups. Now, some of that is Swedish cannibalism (Henrik taking out Emil G. in 2018, Emil G. turning his revenge on GoPro darling Jesper Tjäder in 2019) but some of it is statistically sound. Outside of Dollo, Swedish bruhs haven’t made a single semifinals, a total of 5.25 points out of a potential 96 (country performance rating aka CPR: 0.46). Not the case for Norway (historically colonized) or Finland (more badass) who have taken 20.75 and 10.25 points from 27 and 14 rider appearances respectively (Norway - 0.8 CPR, Finland - 0.76 CPR). Unsurprisingly, the US has the largest rider list of all countries (46 total appearances, 31 unique riders) but that hasn’t stopped American efficiency and large sample size from outputting an untouchable 0.82 Country Performance Rating. They say we are a global power, weakened. A goat with a lame leg. Gil Scott-Heron said we are no longer a producer, but a consumer and the consumer “has got to dance”. In SLVSH terms, I guess this means we aren’t producing fire no more. Formerly mohawked, New Jersey native, and 6 seed Ryan Stevenson is here to prove GSH wrong. As the lone American in this years Cup, Ryan is tasked with staking our flag moon landing style at the top of the wallride and knocking the air out of every landing that comes his way on the park. If he doesn’t, he won’t complete the trick and if he doesn’t complete the trick, he will face computational challenges against infamous brain-breaker Matej Svancer.

Lets gamble

Matej, Matej, Matej. The dude is fucking on one. He’s the 1 seed according to my calculations. He has to be the 1 seed no matter which way you slice it. Not only that, but I think momentum plays a huge part in SLVSH Cup and you could argue Matej is having the biggest year in freeskiing in recent memory, on some 2018 Henrik shit. He’s not a SLVSH Cup rookie after his debut win in Aspen last year, but he is new to the Grandvalira arena, so his 1 seed is not without its adaptational caveats.

The true rookies (no SLVSH Cup experience) this year are Alec Henderson (Canada), Andreu Moreno (Andorra), and Valentin Morel (Switzerland). Alec has played 1 SLVSH Game at the Whistler park and won pretty comfortably. I think he’s going to do the Chef name proud and pull off a couple upsets. Alex Moreno came gliding in off the Open swell, which I love that SLVSH added, into a heady matchup vs first ever SLVSH Cup champ Evan McEachran. I would apply my rookie comments from last year and seed him 16/16 but I do think he will make Evan do a flip on/off a rail which I’m looking forward to. Valentin Morel skis here plenty so I’m expecting some detailed lines. He is also 24, I guess. Moving on.

Lip fillers for your coat (Vmorel)

The most important rookies however are the four ladies holding it down in the mini-bracket, the first time ever in SLVSH history. Taylor Brooke Lundquist, Rylie Warnick, Anri Kawamura, and Alais Develay. While both men’s and women’s skiing seems to be on an exponential curve of progression in the past couple years, it’s really the gal curve that’s started to ascend quicker and quicker. This isn’t quite the same stage we usually think of (triples, sw dub 14s etc.) but it will be a fantastic showcase of how style is developing in women’s skiing and quickly catching up to or exceeding skill. Men have had the luxury of this armor in internet forums for decades and the girls are just now able to suit up for battle.

Sorry Ferdi

This year, crews are in. Capeesh is here, Boom Club is making noise and shilling merch, Chef gets the nod, Harlaut is represented; SLVSH Cup, in concert with freeskiing’s democratization and hybridity, is really starting to feel like the World Cup or King of the Road and that’s really cool. Back in the day, teams and crews (film crews) were pretty distinct entities. You rode for sponsors, sponsors had teams but gave money to film crews, and film crews penciled in legible lines for who was where in the industry. These lines have smudged pretty noticeably since the early 2010s, where teams were getting smaller, movies more independent, and the rise of the clip economy ascended hand in hand with rider-run, small productions. Perhaps, it’s actually freeskiing’s final form where large companies take a creative backseat to the vanguard of the sport, the people making decisions on hill, on skis, and behind the camera. The larger companies in freeskiing haven’t gone away necessarily, they just seem to have misplaced the pocket watch in hypnotizing the viewer. So, if you see Nico Porteous in a Redbull helmet, remember: he’s Boom Club. Matej is way too online to not be drinking Bang Energy.

I’ll round out my forecast with the saying always the bridesmaid, never the bride. You might think of a few people. Johan Berg. This will be his 7th SLVSH Cup and he hasn’t quite hit that 2017 high where he got second at the shadow-banned Cup, losing to skiing’s Radagast the Brown Antti Ollila. I like JB’s skiing and I think he is rightly paired against the true bridesmaid, the maid of honor if you will, Max Moffatt. Over the course of 5 SLVSH Cup appearances, Max has got a silver, bronze, and fourth place to go with two decent showings at GV 2019 and GV 2017. He’s put down NBDs, played with sound body and mind, and clearly gives a shit about participating in SLVSH for all its challenges. The walk down the aisle will not be easy. He could face known shithouser Felix Klein or more likely, the silky minx from Geilo, Mikkel BK. If he can take Mikkel down, he’s seeing one of an honest Kuura Koivisto, patriotic Ryan Stevenson, or supernatural Matej Svancer. It’s definitely the more competitive side of the bracket so if Max can clear the brush, he will have some respite in the final, knowing the worst is behind him. Seb or Ferdi most likely. Now is the time Max ties a knot on this thing.

Wife time.

Game updates will be added to the end of the article. So click away now if you don't want spoilers /!\

Game 1 - Ferdi vs Nico: Ferdi, tried, true, and Vishnued, takes out Nico in a thoroughly entertaining, sort of close 4-5 game. Unfortunate because more Nico footage means more peace in this world.

Game 2 - Seb vs Vmorel: Seb put a hurtin' on Valentin as expected, 2-5. Part of the autonomy-creating Scando parenting style is leaving your child out in the cold to develop a stronger immune system and I guess also how to three swap a tube.

Game 3 - Matej vs Ryan: In our proverbial America vs Europe SLVSH Cold War, Ryan did not make it to the moon and he did prove GSH right unfortunately, falling 5-0 to #1 seed Matej who skis with so much elasticity and jubilance.

Game 4 - Ian vs Kuura: Short games so far! Wth. Not so much to say about this one. Pretty surgical, no bullshit, my trick bag more cavernous kind of 1-5 W over hometown hero Ian. First girl ref, lets go!

Game 5 - Felix vs Mikkel: I'm not saying that dart board is rigged, but it's odd that the "higher seeds" were so well-distributed around the bracket, no surprises so far, 2-5. Mikkel (mixing the Capeesh with the Busi) is inventing a new type of skiing; I'm gonna call it plugg miniature. Another Boom Club member powed powed out of this bracket.

Game 6 - Max vs Johan: Most creative game so far, loved how we got some new features, lines, and trick variations to go along with it all. Feeling like a SLVSH seer; my bracket remains perfect. 1-5 for bride-to-be Max.

Game 7 - Andreu vs Evan: Andreu lost his 'flip-off' privileges pretty early in the game and then Evan took him to tech town, 0-5. I hope at the end of the Evan v Seb game, they hit a reverse mitosis and form a tech super body.