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Biffbarf
February, 2025

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Male Loneliness

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bch.skis
Posts: 72 - Karma: 215
No matter how many times I hangout with people I can’t rid myself of this pit in my stomach. I love my life but so much of the time I feel shitty and lonely. How do I feel these feelings less? How do I found fulfillment in just being
8 days ago
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Biffbarf
Posts: 7150 - Karma: 75,554
bch.skisNo matter how many times I hangout with people I can’t rid myself of this pit in my stomach. I love my life but so much of the time I feel shitty and lonely. How do I feel these feelings less? How do I found fulfillment in just being


Hey boss. Find something productive and try your best to move the needle on it every day. Nomatter how small. Meaningful work towards meaningful goals will build meaningful relationships, sometimes it takes time but it will come together before you know it.

A meaningful goal can be anything. It could be anything from trying a new recipe 1x a week to finding a different job. The only thing that matters is you do it. The rest will follow.
8 days ago
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SendyMcSendyface
Posts: 3038 - Karma: 27,031
Beer+dart cured all ailments
8 days ago
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bch.skis
Posts: 72 - Karma: 215
BiffbarfHey boss. Find something productive and try your best to move the needle on it every day. Nomatter how small. Meaningful work towards meaningful goals will build meaningful relationships, sometimes it takes time but it will come together before you know it.

A meaningful goal can be anything. It could be anything from trying a new recipe 1x a week to finding a different job. The only thing that matters is you do it. The rest will follow.


Thanks man - I’m still really young and sometimes it’s just trial and error yk. Thanks for the great advice
8 days ago
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Balto
Posts: 26026 - Karma: 4,579
How old are you?

Candidly if you're young, buckle up it gets worse before it gets better.

Hard route: keep at it until something clicks, change hobbies and friends and environment until it feels right. I did this into my 30's, fucking sucked.

Easier route: Iv ketamine therapy is actually really helpful with the caviat that you get way worse up front and then probably come out of it far better than before. Expensive, might not be available in your area. Worked wonders for me tbh after like 6 months.

**This post was edited on Mar 9th 2025 at 11:26:38pm
8 days ago
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bch.skis
Posts: 72 - Karma: 215
BaltoHow old are you?

Candidly if you're young, buckle up it gets worse before it gets better.

Hard route: keep at it until something clicks, change hobbies and friends and environment until it feels right. I did this into my 30's, fucking sucked.

Easier route: Iv ketamine therapy is actually really helpful with the caviat that you get way worse up front and then probably come out of it far better than before. Expensive, might not be available in your area. Worked wonders for me tbh after like 6 months.

**This post was edited on Mar 9th 2025 at 11:26:38pm


I’m still and hs and I’m smart enough to realize that these feelings are feelings of teen angst but I’m also stupid enough ti not be able to surpass them. Thanks for the advice. I really am just trying to change my perspective in terms of how I frame the world because often I see things as too final yk
8 days ago
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BradFiAusNzCoCa
Posts: 7380 - Karma: 65,392
A shared hobby/doing something with people helps to alleviate the pit in your stomach you might feel.
8 days ago
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Lonely
Posts: 6977 - Karma: 66,287
bch.skisNo matter how many times I hangout with people I can’t rid myself of this pit in my stomach. I love my life but so much of the time I feel shitty and lonely. How do I feel these feelings less? How do I found fulfillment in just being


Society has put you in a bad position and that's unlikely to change. But we are individuals in a society. Feeling bad is okay and justified but if all you do is feel bad for yourself that’s goin to not be beneficial to you in the long run.

-Lift weights/exercise with purpose

-Pick an area or hobby to invest your time in to develop yourself, and actively engage with other people in the hobby/

-Push your comfort zone and volunteer for community events/random things with people you do not know

None of these things are fun right at the start or are necessarily easy. What they do do is keep the loneliness at bay. In an increasingly disconnected world, with some bad societal elements, it is hard to feel a connection

All I can say is doing these things, while difficult, staves off the loneliness and gives you the opportunity to get rid of it entirely. Shit sucks but you gotta put in the effort. You might find a group of people with similar interest etc. etc. from volunteering or doing some community shit you really don’t want to…..but you have to give yourself that opportunity first.

Society sucks, but if you don't want to be lonely, you have to try to not be lonely. Hard thing to do but you have to do it. Imo





**This post was edited on Mar 10th 2025 at 3:13:38am

**This post was edited on Mar 10th 2025 at 7:12:34am
8 days ago
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Lonely
Posts: 6977 - Karma: 66,287
SendyMcSendyfaceBeer+dart cured all ailments


I made a long post but this is also correct.

Smoking is bad for you and drinking is bad for you and you shouldn’t do it.

BUT

nothing recontextualizes the world and life as much as a 2 am walk with a dart, some music, and some amount of alcohol in the blood does.
8 days ago
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FruityBoots
Posts: 101 - Karma: -257
You have to become a street vendor for turd hot dogs. Seeing the look on someone’s face after they realize what they’ve bitten into is enough to give anyone a rush for a good 30 minutes or so every time lmao.
8 days ago
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FruityBoots
Posts: 101 - Karma: -257
Just watching someone’s wife/mom unbeknowingstly taking a big face full of a shit glizzy right in front of them.
8 days ago
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theabortionator
Posts: 52303 - Karma: 170,421
Pretty normal. Def gets better with time for a lot of people. Can also stay the same or get worse.

I think at least after HS your friend groups ends up being more people you choose than people you're stuck in a box with for 4 years.

Aa mentioned picking up a new hobby or diving harder into one you have can help.

It's just one of those tough shitty things that there's no perfect answer. Hopefully it's just the normal teen shit and will go away after hs.

Also a thing to remember. Easier said than done but, a lot of people or damn near everyone is going through something similar to an extent.

Keep your head up! Best of luck
8 days ago
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freestyler540
Posts: 13171 - Karma: 19,641
Skiing has a dope community. Go sign up to a local contest! Take your mind off the social part and enjoy the activity at hand. You will meet people briefly enough to chose who you wanna talk to. The goal is to beat the social anxiety by being busy with a task to be nervous around people. By the end of the event, you will be so pumped on adrenaline, you will be much more at ease and in your comfort zone
7 days ago
2 0
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theabortionator
Posts: 52303 - Karma: 170,421
freestyler540Skiing has a dope community. Go sign up to a local contest! Take your mind off the social part and enjoy the activity at hand. You will meet people briefly enough to chose who you wanna talk to. The goal is to beat the social anxiety by being busy with a task to be nervous around people. By the end of the event, you will be so pumped on adrenaline, you will be much more at ease and in your comfort zone


Around skiing just talking to people, finding people to lap with or hike the down rail with. A lot of my friends i know through skiing/ski industry or music.

I still chat to some of the old HS ski crew evem though most of us rarely see each other scattered across the country.
7 days ago
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cyphers
Posts: 1807 - Karma: 20,578
you wait, and try to distract yourself until it passes. it sucks but there's really no drug or therapist or book that fixes it. just gotta be patient and keep ur head up
7 days ago
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bch.skis
Posts: 72 - Karma: 215
LonelyI made a long post but this is also correct.

Smoking is bad for you and drinking is bad for you and you shouldn’t do it.

BUT

nothing recontextualizes the world and life as much as a 2 am walk with a dart, some music, and some amount of alcohol in the blood does.


yeah i had a j and felt a lot better lmao
7 days ago
2 0
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bch.skis
Posts: 72 - Karma: 215
thank you all for the replies i kinda realized that a lot of the time i get into my own head and tend to focus on the negative rather than positive. This is a condition that comes with just being human. I plan on delving more into my hobbies and just trying to slow down and focus in on things. So often do we live in an instant media world where we dont even have time to process our thoughts, no less our emotions. Im going to start trying to take my time and just live my life
7 days ago
2 0
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theabortionator
Posts: 52303 - Karma: 170,421
bch.skisthank you all for the replies i kinda realized that a lot of the time i get into my own head and tend to focus on the negative rather than positive. This is a condition that comes with just being human. I plan on delving more into my hobbies and just trying to slow down and focus in on things. So often do we live in an instant media world where we dont even have time to process our thoughts, no less our emotions. Im going to start trying to take my time and just live my life


Dude, I'm in my 30s now and I get into my iwn head and focus on the negative. Idk people are different but it's a normal psrt of human nature. Like I said I hope it chills out for you with age and getting out of highschool.

I'm still battling the same vibe I've been since Junior High.

Like I said though, I think choosing your own friend group after HS whether college or working is a big thing. In HS you're stuck with people. In life after you can avoid assholes at least outside of coworkers and familiy.
7 days ago
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ParkingLotPiss
Posts: 345 - Karma: 2,288
bch.skisI’m still and hs and I’m smart enough to realize that these feelings are feelings of teen angst but I’m also stupid enough ti not be able to surpass them. Thanks for the advice. I really am just trying to change my perspective in terms of how I frame the world because often I see things as too final yk




Others have said it, but yeah—try new hobbies, find things you enjoy, and work on getting better at them. For a lot of people, that's the gym, but it could be anything.

Also, make sure you're getting plenty of sleep, drinking enough water, eating good food, and getting exercise. Being in good physical health makes it a lot easier to maintain good mental health. Especially when you're young, because it will never be easier to get into shape.

Be patient.

Also, try to be aware of when you're just 'in your head' versus when something specific is bothering you.

There's no shame in therapy or other help if that's what it takes.
7 days ago
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partyandBS
Posts: 5359 - Karma: 83,551
mf needs therapy lol

in the words of the infinitely wise too $hort, you gotta get in where you fit in. making unauthentic connections will not do you any good. also, identifying what drives a fulfilling life for you and pursuing things that align with that will go a long way.

i’ve been to hundreds of hours of therapy in recent years so holla atcha boy with a dm if you ever need anything
7 days ago
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VTshredder69
Posts: 3629 - Karma: -10,599
hobbies and passion help immensely. Just going to the gym and working on legs for skiing helped me get out of a funk I was in. Breaking up with someone left me feeling this way for months. But you can definitely block it out by doing something healthy or that you love.
7 days ago
3 0
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SendyMcSendyface
Posts: 3038 - Karma: 27,031
bch.skisthank you all for the replies i kinda realized that a lot of the time i get into my own head and tend to focus on the negative rather than positive. This is a condition that comes with just being human. I plan on delving more into my hobbies and just trying to slow down and focus in on things. So often do we live in an instant media world where we dont even have time to process our thoughts, no less our emotions. Im going to start trying to take my time and just live my life


Getting in to your own head is such a normal, yet miserable thing. Shit I’ve got so much going for me in life yet I always get stuck in a cycle of feeling like a lousy person. Still haven’t figured out how to get over it.
7 days ago
2 0
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Casey
Posts: 7951 - Karma: 25,885
I think there is definitely a lot of loneliness and FOMO built into getting older. Personally I took completely for granted that I would always have the sort of built in social circle that I had growing up and through high school. Out of nowhere it was like whelp everyone is moving away and you have to basically start over. But that’s kind of fine because everyone is sort of experiencing the same thing together. But then it’s like everyone gets a job and is tired all the time and has morning commitments and all that stuff, the people that understand your life the best tend to be coworkers, right after that people start getting into serious relationships and navigating how to have a serious partner with also having friends is definitely a thing for most people. Then those couple start having kids and the whole thing resets again. For an introverted person that hates putting themselves out there and being vulnerable it can be a real struggle.

I guess the only good thing is that insecurity tends to fade as a person progresses through life, struggles and accomplishments tend to build thicker skin, and character judgment tends to improve. If you can manage to keep a couple relationships throughout all that bullshit you’ll probably be okay
7 days ago
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SteezyYeeter
Posts: 3808 - Karma: -12,313
I'm a senior in HS. A lot of my depression n shi was because the people I was hanging around weren't good for me. Surround yourself with REAL ONES. Anyways, shit changes hella, around November, I was at my lowest of lows and my life sucked so bad, but now I'm like really well off, I have real friends and also out of the blue got a girlfriend who I get along with really well. So the point is just hang in there. And NEVER underestimate the power of a positive attitude. You have to remain positive, it literally does change your outcome



ima keep this up cus it might be useful for anyone, but "doing a j" is not going to fucking help you man and if ur gonna start doing drugs etc ur just asking for it.

**This post was edited on Mar 10th 2025 at 8:45:08pm
7 days ago
5 0
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bch.skis
Posts: 72 - Karma: 215
partyandBSmf needs therapy lol

in the words of the infinitely wise too $hort, you gotta get in where you fit in. making unauthentic connections will not do you any good. also, identifying what drives a fulfilling life for you and pursuing things that align with that will go a long way.

i’ve been to hundreds of hours of therapy in recent years so holla atcha boy with a dm if you ever need anything


Thanks man - therapy has done wonders for me too
7 days ago
4 0
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dietcoke.man
Posts: 250 - Karma: 1,392
cure to male loneliness is diet coke and blonde shawties get yer money up cuz
7 days ago
5 1
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je_t.aime_canard
Posts: 429 - Karma: 5,345
If you have a couple good mates, or even just one, go with them to a larger social gathering and then branch out your conversations from there. You’ll always have a fall back so you're not left on your own. I think you’ll find that once you’re comfortable realising that you have a safety net, you’ll actually not need to use it.

Otherwise, I find myself good at socialising when I’m on half a tab of acid and the conversations always flow bc I’m trying to ground myself
7 days ago
2 0
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Iskibunnies
Posts: 51 - Karma: 657
bch.skisNo matter how many times I hangout with people I can’t rid myself of this pit in my stomach. I love my life but so much of the time I feel shitty and lonely. How do I feel these feelings less? How do I found fulfillment in just being


Jesus 🗣️💯
6 days ago
5 1
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isthiscore
Posts: 11 - Karma: 7
bch.skisNo matter how many times I hangout with people I can’t rid myself of this pit in my stomach. I love my life but so much of the time I feel shitty and lonely. How do I feel these feelings less? How do I found fulfillment in just being


goon more and you will feel less lonely
6 days ago
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oldmanski
Posts: 3476 - Karma: 25,456
Lots of great advice in here!

OP, you are human and this is all natural. Keep yourself busy but not SO busy you pass up some of the greatest things in life such as watching a sun rise/set, time with family and friends, nature and just the things around you. Dont ever think you are not good enough for anything or anyone because in all truth, you are awesome OP. Keep at it, life is just like dropping into the park, sometimes we are stomping every feature and other times you just make some turns through it. Keep your head up.
6 days ago
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