Vail's chief public affairs officer, Julie Dececco, was spotted today filling up her sprinter van on 13th and 21st south today in Sugar House, Utah. It was presumed that she was en route to head up to PC and talk to these dirty, smelly, unionized workers. Her vehicle was spotted with 5 Little Cesar's pizzas, which she intended to give one slice to each scab patroller for their hard work on opening 17% of the terrain this week.
Then she turned away from the gas pump, and faced towards the mountains. That's when she saw it. Her eyes began to glisten, and you could visibly see her smile start to grow. Her glistening white veneer teeth sparkled as white as the falling snow.
She picked up her phone and snapped a picture. Looking ecstatic, she ripped away from the gas pump, tearing the pump out of her van.
Startled onlookers were left to ponder "what the hell just happened". An anonymous bystander called their buddy, who was an investigative journalist to provide an eye-witness account. Below is what transpired behind the corporate doors of $MTN.
The Pitch
First, the investigative team sim-swapped Julie's phone, this helped them discover what the hell she just photographed, and the ability to read her EpicEmployee's messages. To their shock and awe, in a group chat titled "steal local places, BARK BARK" they found the photo. And boy was the photo something...
As seen here Julie photographed kids sledding at Sugar House Park. An ex-penitentiary turned public land. Now occupied by runners, kids smoking weed, and a lot of annoying ducks/geese.
The next couple of messages, which were definitely written in a feverish manner, helped us learn more.
"This is it team. I know the solution. I found it, our next place! I'll contact the government and threaten them to hand it over!" - Julie messages.
Within less than 10 seconds someone under the pseudonym "Bill Rock-dat-ass" responds, "J-dawg? are those volunteer patrollers (moms and dads)? Any room for restaurants? What about our PnL? Can we make this truly EPIC™?"
Julie whips back a message... "YEZZUR has a foreclosed Outback Steakhouse on the corner, we can re-hire and sell steaks for $50+. That on top of ticket sales at park entrance should boost our PnL! Low cost, no paid patrollers, no lift ops! Hell we might not even have to discriminate against J1's to run this place! I'm telling you Katz this is EPIC™!"
Katz responds 10 minutes later, "Get it done! If the city doesn't fold over, threaten to pull campaign donations."
The Conclusion
Completely dumbfounded, the team of journalist stared at each other. Silence...
After what felt like 5 minutes. A journalist stands up, and without any emotion or eye contact just blurts out..."but did skierjon kfed today?"
