Vail, CO - 2024 GMC Yukon
Destination: Vail Mountain School
Occupants: Mom (head to toe in fur), 2 teenagers who just learned the N word
Music: SiriusXM pop country
Accessories: Texas longhorns plate frame
Whistler, BC - 2022 Tesla Model S
Destination: Boba
Occupants: 3 UBC international students (all wearing bape)
Music: Dead silence
Accessories: N sticker, summer tires, Hello Kitty magnet
Breckenridge, CO - 2014 Subaru Impreza
Destination: i70 WB shoulder (engine grenaded)
Occupants: 5 college sophomores + 2 freshmen in trunk
Music: Dom Dolla (bass boosted)
Accessories: Wide open rack with no skis “fuck not again bro”, Kappa Sig sticker
Mt. Baker, WA - 1983 Volkswagen Vanagon
Destination: None, has not left ops lot since Reagan administration
Occupants: Ancient hippie, 1 cat + 3 he hasn’t found yet
Music: Bob Dylan on cassette
Accessories: Vegetable oil (for vehicle maintenance)
Mt. Bachelor, OR - 2018 Mercedes Sprinter
Destination: World’s shittiest brewery est. 2021
Occupants: Don’t get me fucking started
Music: Apple maps navigation voice
Accessories: Starlink, trad rack, traction boards (lmao)
Silver Mountain, ID - 1980 Ford F-150
Destination: Wouldn’t you like to know, fed
Occupants: Eric (45) and Jeff (42)
Music: Jason Aldean
Accessories: Flag sticker, NRA plate frame, suspicious quantity of stump remover
Aspen, CO - 2018 Gulfstream G280
Destination: Aspen Country Day School
Occupants: Petroleum company heiress, “the help,” the smallest dog you’ve ever seen
Music: Dua Lipa private live performance
Accessories: GDP of Zambia, seven kilos of coke (1 week supply)
Timberline Lodge, OR - Unicycle
Destination: Clown school
Occupants: 1x clown
Music: Circus theme song
Accessories: Rainbow wig, comically large red nose, 171 Vishnu Wets
