A quick word on blocking ads
It looks like you are using an ad blocker. That's okay. Who doesn't? But without advertising revenue, we can't keep making this site awesome. Click the link below for instructions on disabling adblock.
Welcome to the Newschoolers forums! You may read the forums as a guest, however you must be a registered member to post. Register to become a member today!
Rock_InhabitantI’m bored so share some skiing stories
LOOK_at_meNot mine but someone else's. I want to give them full credit but idk who it was.
So last night, I’m waxing my skis. I’ve got my iron all heated up and some fresh HF8 wax ready to go for Spring skiing. Tunes are pumped up. I’ve got Marley on full blast for all my neighbors to hear. I’m pretty stoked to get some fresh scrapes in and I’m singing along to the lyrics of “Jamming” with my entire register. I gently set my skis on my waxing board (It’s at about waist level) and get out my straps to hold down my ski brakes. So it should be noted that I’m completely naked at this point as I always am when I’m waxing my skis. I feel like it really helps to get into a good waxing grove. At this moment I notice that my Marker Griffon 13 bindings are unlocked and the heel piece is down. So long story short, it is tradition in my family to always keep the heel piece locked up when waxing skis. This tradition has gone back four generations since my great great grandpa died in a freak ski waxing accident while the heel piece was unlocked. I bend over to lock the heel piece in. It should be noted that I always keep my bindings at 12.5 DIN since I am such a rad skier. As I am locking the heel piece down a flash of intense pain crashes through my entire body. I look down and the skin of my balls are jammed in the heel piece of my bindings. “OH SHIT!”. I let out an excruciating cry of pain. I feel as though I am a mouse who has been helplessly snagged by the spring of a mouse trap. I slam my hands down on my heel piece, but alas the DIN is too high and my arms still recovering from last month when I dove, arms first, into a patch of icy snow after hitting a dub backie off of a cliff. I push with all my might, but the bindings stay pinned to the skin of my testicles. I swing my leg up to step on the heel piece and am suddenly met with a flash of pain. I must have pulled something in my leg. If only I had Look Pivots. I could have twisted the heel piece and gotten my balls right out of there. At this point the adrenaline is kicking in and I frantically search the room for a screwdriver to set the DIN lower. Finally, I see it. My Stanley screwdriver is sitting on the counter across the room next to my in line skate repair bench. I carefully pick up the ski, making sure not to twist the skin of my balls and race over to grab the screwdriver. I trip on the carpet and knock over a filing cabinet. I pick my self up, grab the screwdriver and begin setting the DIN down. At this point, I can hear knocking on my front door. Most likely my upstairs neighbor wondering what’s going on. As I frantically twist the screwdriver I feel something in my right arm misalign and my shoulder pops out of its socket. I must have been to rough on my still recovering arm. The DIN is at about an 10 now and I can’t move my right arm. My upstairs neighbor, Ishmael barges through the door. Tears roll down my face as I stare at Ishmael who clutches his heart and stares in horror. Frantically, I explain what happend and hand him the screwdriver. Ishmael accidentally begins to crank up the DIN and I feel the binding begin to crush my ball skin. “THE OTHER WAY, ISHMAEL!” Ishmael begins turning the screwdriver the other way and I finally I see the DIN begin to go down. 12, 10, 8, 6, 4… “LIFT THE HEEL PIECE ISHMAEL”. Ishmael flashes a panic stricken look of confusion. I gesture to the heel piece and finally Ishmael unlocks the bindings. It feels as though I have escaped the clutches of death. I collapse on the floor, clutching my crotch. Ishmael grabs me some clothes and helps my to the car so he can get my to the emergency room. I am so grateful for that wonderful man. Later in the ER, the doctor explains that I’m lucky that I didn’t get a testicle caught or I may have rendered myself infertile. He tells me to ice it and apply ointment every 12 hours. So that’s what I’ve been doing the last day. Anyway, so that’s why you should only buy Look Pivots.
cool270outOnce saw a kid overshoot a jump to flat and land on his skis but his legs couldn’t support him so he slammed down so hard blood
shot from his nostrils
Rock_InhabitantHoly shit that’s knarly. Was the kid aight
Agate420One time the power went out n everyone got stuck on the lifts. Was nighttime too and it was pitch black
**This post was edited on Nov 8th 2023 at 2:33:44pm
cool270outOnce randomly ran into a girl I went to school with while skiing. We were both solo so we linked up to lap. A yellow jacket sees us ripping and chases us down. We were able to escape into the trees and apparently that got her stoked so she asked if she could go down on me. So I said aight and then she dipped out to her parents pad. She ripped
JerryAllDayWas this at stevens pass by chance?
JerryAllDayWas this at stevens pass by chance?
snowfinderEarly season on the East coast only one ribbon of death was open. There was a huge group of beginners attempting to ski this patch of "snow." I was going at a pretty good speed when suddenly one of the skiers from the group started to ski right in my path, I go to make a slash to slow down next thing I know I'm in the air with no skis on my feet flying away from the trail and onto the grass and rocks on the side of the trail. Not sure if I tomahawked or just rolled down the rocks and grass, but finally came to a stop a good 50-75 yards from where the skier was still standing. I stood up and heard the whole group gasp either because they couldn't believe what they just saw or the fact that I didn't die. Took a moment to catch the wind that was knocked out of me and walked back up to my skis while the whole time the group just looked at me, each step up I'm getting more pissed off because not one of them asked me if I'm okay or offered to help in anyway. I grab my skis clip in and heard one of them go wow. I skied off and went home.
BallClapperHappens all the time at Stevens. Skyline fucking breaks and the wind is horrid, not a good environment for those possessing balls.
GhiniA couple years back I was on a bivacco tour skiing trip in the Gran Paradiso area in Italy. The objective was to ski some couloirs in the bowl surrounding the bivacco. I had been there late spring early summer the year before on a climbing trip and noticed all those couloirs. At that time I wished I had brought skis. Back home I researched online and found out some legends like Luca Pandolfi (RIP) had been there to do the same. So I got two experienced friends hooked on the idea, they used to do seasons in the Alps and compete in Freeride competitions and head plenty of experience for a trip like this. They were in for the adventure at the end of their season.
We met in the town down in the valley at the end of the night. We started the long tour up late because first one of them was caught during the night in a snowstorm with the car so he was late to join. But I had also planned to tow a small sled so it would be easier to take all the food and climbing gear up the valley. We planned to stay at the bivacco for several days and some routes needed some alpine climbing before reaching the line so we took a lot of gear. The valley approach is around 6 / 7 km steady rising and at the end you have a steeper climb up to the bivacco over 1000m higher. The sled idea didnt work. The approach terrain was less suitable then I had remembered. There was also less snow in the valley than expected. We had to go back to the car, repack everything in and on our backpacks. To win some time back I drove my trusty old 2WD Volvo up a gravel road, wich was not allowed. Hoping nobody would see and or tow the car down when we were away (all went well). Anyway, were were late when we toured up the valley. At the end before the big climb it started to get dark and then there was a snowstorm. Great. So had several options. We could continue in the dark without knowing where to go exactly in steep exposed terrain, no deal. We could turn around all the way back, leaving most gear stashed under a rock to pick up the next day, meh. Or we could find a big rock to shelter under, built an igloo or something like that, eat, sleep and have an early start the next morning. Since we had sleeping bags we decided that was the way to go. We found a big ass boulder with an overhanging face. We found out that we could crawl under a low part that went into a protected area big enough for us three to sleep. It was low but dry and mostly protected. We built some snow walls around the opens parts but after that we were fully protected agains the elements. Amazing. We made some diner in an awkward position since we had to lay down and after that tried to get some sleep. It was better then expected but I dont think any of us got a great sleep, in the end it was still awesome though. Next morning we got up early and toured towards the bivacco. Bluebird, stoked. Halfway up it got warmer then expected, even though it was still halfway during the morning. We carried on as the approach was safe terrain. 3/4 up around lunch, we were slow because of our heavy packs, a massive wet avalanche came down on the side that had been in the sun all morning. It went over our tracks so were happy with our early start. The temps were not a good sign and not forecasted to be that high. Luckily we could reach the bivacco safe and we shared a beer that I had secretly hauled up there despite the already heavy packs. The couloirs looked great but the temps were not. Most couloirs got to much sun already early in the day so for our first line to ski we found a steep line that would not catch any sun. The next morning we took off, first touring up a glacier. To get to the line we had to do a traverse across a steep snowfield. When we were there rocks started falling from the alpine terrain above that had been in the sun for a couple of hours. Again the temps were higher than forecasted that day. Not good. In the end we had to bail and turn around. Way to many big rocks falling. Sucked. The ski down was fun in slushy snow surrounded by amazing views. Back at the bivacco we checked the weather again and temps were staying the same or get even higher. Climbing couloirs for a couple of hours with the risk of falling rocks was not an option. We had to bail all our plans. Next morning we skied down to the valley. We had to walk the last part. Now you have to know the Gran Paradiso area is know for its Ibexes, amazing protected animals that can climb up steep rocks effortless and have these huge horns. I told my friends about it on the way up the first day. Now on the walk down we were following a hiking trail and right on it we found the body of a dead young Ibex. It was eaten mostly already but only recently and the head was fully intact as were the horns. I had told my friends I had always wanted a head like that for on my wall at home. So now I had to take it, take the head home. It was grim but also a once in a lifetime opportunity. A freshly eaten body, mostly bones, some skin left but a perfect head. I sat down by the body for a couple of minutes and felt if I could get the head off easily. It was of course still fully attached to its spine. But taking the entire body was not an option. Way to big and heavy still. I'd have to chop the head off with my knife. It took me a moment to go for it. I cut the skin on the neck and tried to cut down his neck / bones. No deal. I had to take a rock and hammer on my knife to get through the spine and separate the head from the body. I put the head with the horns in big plastic bag I had with me and walked further down with that thing attached to my backpack. Only a couple minutes later we crossed paths with a ranger type of person. We talked about the Ibex without telling I took the head and he said he had seen it and that it had been in a fight with an older bigger Ibex and had lost the battle and tumbled down the mountain to die. Back at our cars we checked the weather and since it was to warm everywhere we decided to head home. I drove back home alone to the Netherlands, a 13 hour drive, in one go with that Ibex head packed in several plastic bags. The Swiss border where you sometimes get checked was a bit nerve wrecking. They would never let me keep it / transport through Switzerland. Luckily I was not stopped. When I got home I googled an animal taxidermy and brought it there as soon as he was open for business. Several months later I could pick it up and it is now hanging on my wall as a reminder of a trip where nothing went the way we wanted or planned but it was full of adventure and we got home safe so all was good.
I still have to go back there and ski those couloirs..
