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ASSholebomber22Call/text 988 to get professional help.
NewsheepersI can at least say I thought that depression was fake maybe 2 years ago, now that I have gone through it when I went on accutane, I will say it fucking sucks.
**This post was edited on May 6th 2023 at 1:09:27am
BradFiAusNzCoCaI was on accutane as a kid. Had the monthly blood tests, depression pamphlets, etc.
Did you know that accutane is literally a chemotherapy drug?
NewsheepersI can at least say I thought that depression was fake maybe 2 years ago, now that I have gone through it when I went on accutane, I will say it fucking sucks. I also had the same problem as you, after my cross country season was over I missed out on seeing a lot of my best friends from other schools. Believe it or not I'm not a fucking idiot in real life I'm just a simple quiet kid that does his homework and goes to work after school. I never really thought about suicide but there were some points where I "hurt myself", and some of my friends thought I had abusive parents. After this I felt Iike a complete idiot and, people do care for you, it's just hard to know who and I'm lucky to have had like 2 or 3 really good friends through that time.
Also I will say I never really talked about it, some of my friends said I was a fake ass emo kid, others just knew I was going through a shitty time.
I have so many more thoughts and regrets on this situation that i would talk about privately
**This post was edited on May 6th 2023 at 1:09:27am
BradFiAusNzCoCaI was on accutane as a kid. Had the monthly blood tests, depression pamphlets, etc.
Did you know that accutane is literally a chemotherapy drug?
Also, op - utah can be tough to make friends in if you’re not in school or a member of the church. I lived there briefly. Keep your head high.
how did you end up in UT?
**This post was edited on May 6th 2023 at 9:57:08am
**This post was edited on May 6th 2023 at 9:57:37am
tutipupsaccutane causing depression is a myth dumbass.
NewsheepersI can at least say I thought that depression was fake maybe 2 years ago, now that I have gone through it when I went on accutane, I will say it fucking sucks. I also had the same problem as you, after my cross country season was over I missed out on seeing a lot of my best friends from other schools. Believe it or not I'm not a fucking idiot in real life I'm just a simple quiet kid that does his homework and goes to work after school. I never really thought about suicide but there were some points where I "hurt myself", and some of my friends thought I had abusive parents. After this I felt Iike a complete idiot and, people do care for you, it's just hard to know who and I'm lucky to have had like 2 or 3 really good friends through that time.
Also I will say I never really talked about it, some of my friends said I was a fake ass emo kid, others just knew I was going through a shitty time.
I have so many more thoughts and regrets on this situation that i would talk about privately
**This post was edited on May 6th 2023 at 1:09:27am
tutipupsaccutane causing depression is a myth dumbass.
utahnewbHi guys, thanks for being understanding and supportive. I've previously been very reserved about this but the reason I feel this way is that I dont feel that I will go away. Throughout my life I have been described as "really smart and creative." People think this is a compliment, I find it to be dismissive. Who cares if Im smart? Doesnt mean im actualy a worthwhile human. Anyways, when I was in kindergarten I was said to have a mild social/emotional developmental delay. It did improve a bit but progress slowed. I think people feel as though I am being rude, but its not anything intentional. After over two decades of intense, mind numbing social issues I just cant be here anymore. Nobody knows me, nobody would be affected.
Newsheepersfirst of all it's not, so don't call me a dumbass, also if it makes your acne worse obviously it's gonna make you feel worse about yourself. it really depends on who you are and its like a 10-20% chance it causes depression
utahnewbHi guys, thanks for being understanding and supportive. I've previously been very reserved about this but the reason I feel this way is that I dont feel that I will go away. Throughout my life I have been described as "really smart and creative." People think this is a compliment, I find it to be dismissive. Who cares if Im smart? Doesnt mean im actualy a worthwhile human. Anyways, when I was in kindergarten I was said to have a mild social/emotional developmental delay. It did improve a bit but progress slowed. I think people feel as though I am being rude, but its not anything intentional. After over two decades of intense, mind numbing social issues I just cant be here anymore. Nobody knows me, nobody would be affected.
bustedpivotMan brother this hurt to read. Please, please know you are worthwhile. And please realize that although you may not be able to see it right now, people would be affected if you weren't here. I absolutely promise you the scars left would affect people around you for the rest of their lives.
I think that right now, today, you have got to reach out to someone, even a stranger like me, because what you are saying sounds like real red flag territory. I don't think keeping it to yourself is going to work right now, you need a little help, just like a lot of people sometimes do. Please use one of the resources listed in this thread or DM me or someone. It might fell like a hurdle or awkward but please just push yourself to do it.
utahnewbHavent been on here for a bit but its super nice that you mentioned this. This will sound ignorant, but besides my parents, its no joke that not a soul would care. I dont even have siblings which isnt actually so cool beyond childhood and I think it had something to do with my social issues. Im on some meds atm and i have always stayed out of drugs and alcohol. This is probably the fifth time ive felt this way over the years. Professionals struggle to decide what is up with me which adds to stuff. I was assessed for being on the spectrum, and was told that I show some signs of it but dont meet the criteria fully. What we do know is that I have clinical depression on paper and also something called avoidant personality disorder, basically this is like social anxiety on steroids. It always feels like im so close to people, but so distant. I do my best to be super laid back and open but sometimes the hate I get is unreal becasue im not as capable as everyone else is socially.
CalculatorIt might not sound like much, but everyone in this thread does care. Hit up a line, maybe the person on the other end will have something different in terms of advice you haven’t been able to get before. You don’t know unless you try, and we’re all in your corner. Do you have anything you like to do in the summer? In my area at least, I’ve found it way easier to meet people biking than skiing. I’m not a social person at all, but it’s nice to have random acquaintances to take some laps with now and then depending where I’m riding. No idea if mtb is a possibility for you but if it is, you should try it. My DMs are open if you wanna talk, be it about bikes or anything else.
utahnewband also something called avoidant personality disorder, basically this is like social anxiety on steroids. It always feels like im so close to people, but so distant. I do my best to be super laid back and open but sometimes the hate I get is unreal becasue im not as capable as everyone else is socially.
utahnewbThis is coming from a good place, but I definitely question the effect on others. I know point blank that at least at school nobody would be affected because I never meant anything to them in the first place. I’ve also found that if I open up, everyone else shuts down. I deal with ghosting constantly and I question if it’s worth trying to have a sense of community anymore. I definitely have been trying to get into things like Mtb but I find that I’m just not welcomed. I just don’t know, i just don’t feel worthwhile.
utahnewbThis is coming from a good place, but I definitely question the effect on others. I know point blank that at least at school nobody would be affected because I never meant anything to them in the first place. I’ve also found that if I open up, everyone else shuts down. I deal with ghosting constantly and I question if it’s worth trying to have a sense of community anymore. I definitely have been trying to get into things like Mtb but I find that I’m just not welcomed. I just don’t know, i just don’t feel worthwhile.
utahnewbHey all, just an update. I am still experiencing issues with the topic of this thread. As we head into winter I was wondering if anyone had something to add
utahnewbHey all, just an update. I am still experiencing issues with the topic of this thread. As we head into winter I was wondering if anyone had something to add
utahnewbHey all, just an update. I am still experiencing issues with the topic of this thread. As we head into winter I was wondering if anyone had something to add
Christian_BaleI'm truly sorry to hear about what you're going through. For whatever it's worth, you can dm me on here or on instagram (nick.thucydides) if you ever want to talk, whether it's about how you're feeling or if you just want to shoot the shit about skiing or anything else. You're not alone in this, and everyone here in this thread is rooting for you. I wish I had better advice to give but I think there's some solid advice in this thread.
utahnewbTitle. Live in UT and since ski season ended my levels of depression has me in a box. NS is the only social interaction I’ve got. I’ve never had friends.
ThrillbillytomI live in Sandy! Shoot me a message if you wanna go grab some food or do really anything doors! You ain’t gotta go through all the hard shit that life deals alone. Shoot me a message
ThrillbillytomAlso me and @BigPurpleSkiSuit ski most days at the bird so I’d you ever want riding buddies let me know!
utahnewbThanks man, appreciate the sentiment. I’ve tried to get into MTB over summer but as much as I like it I don’t feel I can hit it off/feel welcome in it especially as someone who isn’t “pro” by now
Christian_BaleThat's totally valid, I can feel that way sometimes too, whether it's on the hill or at some social gathering where I feel like people don't want to talk to me. I do believe a lot that stuff can be in your head sometimes. Can't speak to mtb but in skiing, sometimes it can be intimidating to talk to people, but the vast majority of people I encounter will actually be nice to you. Of course you'll encounter shitty people but that's just how it goes. Most people don't actually care about ability or other stuff. If you ask someone advice for something, for example, they'll probably be happy to give it.
ModMommyHonestly, short term medication, therapy, and a semi-fluid routine. I very much so was in the camp that didn’t care if it hurt people if I died, I just had to hate that version of myself enough to force myself thru it. I got a psych, I went to therapy, I went trail running and skiing even if I hated every second of it. Moving my body and caring for my animals made me stay alive. After a year of that one day I woke up and realized I no longer hated myself— even if my job sucked, and I still wasn't doing great. So I moved. And that fixed the little bit that was left. I also reduced my drinking and weed smoking significantly as well, I think removing depressants and substances helped lift the depression.
I'm proud of you for working thru this and making it this far. Keep at surviving.
utahnewbhave tried more than my fair share of medications and therapists. It doesn’t really fix anything in my case because the root issue still stands.
Golden_JoeMaybe a change of perception is in order? People are gonna downvote this but serious statement, have you ever tried psilocybin containing mushrooms in a safe, controlled environment? There's a growing body of knowledge supporting its application in treatment resistant depression and suicidality. Full disclosure there's periodic case reports of self-harm during the trip, and that's why I said "safe environment". It really can change your perspective on life.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4721603/
Also you mentioned you have many health conditions. You're not on Singulair (montelukast) right? Only ask because suicidal ideation and attempts are associated with that med. That's reaching I know but also a pretty common drug for allergies and asthma.
utahnewbFirst off, not sure why you’d be downvoted. I personally haven’t tried that but so far Zoloft helps a bit. It actually makes social stuff somewhat easier too. I haven’t heard about shrooms but I have read stuff that CBD could help. I’m not sure how I’d even go about trying these out because it’s not legal in Utah. I do have a few psychological things (ADHD, likely on the spectrum too) but just Zoloft and adderall for meds. I would basically try anything at this point, but will it really solve the main issue - social differences/isolation?
off topic question is should I disclose to ppl in person that I have ADHD and whatnot and can affect me socially?
also thanks for being here, idk you but it does mean something
Golden_JoeAlso the big rage these days are ketamine clinics. I don't know much about it other than it is effective in treatment resistant depression. Something to look into. Again might not be for everyone.
Golden_JoeMaybe a change of perception is in order? People are gonna downvote this but serious statement, have you ever tried psilocybin containing mushrooms in a safe, controlled environment? There's a growing body of knowledge supporting its application in treatment resistant depression and suicidality. Full disclosure there's periodic case reports of self-harm during the trip, and that's why I said "safe environment". It really can change your perspective on life.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4721603/
Also you mentioned you have many health conditions. You're not on Singulair (montelukast) right? Only ask because suicidal ideation and attempts are associated with that med. That's reaching I know but also a pretty common drug for allergies and asthma.
