My dream, yes it’s ski related.

It felt like I was in a long deep sleep until the slightest gust of a warm wind tickled the bottom my chin up toward my cheekbone

I sat up to find myself in an endless empty field of long swaying grass.

Why did I feel such a sense of déjà vu? Had I been here before? It almost felt like I was at home… yet the farthest away from myself I could be..


What happened to me? Where am I? Confusion started to set in that soon turned to panic. I started hyperventilating for a half minute or so, until I heard a faint bark in the distance.



The barking grew closer and closer until a distant spot of grass starting to shift. The long 3 foot blades of grass started parting about a foot and a half wide, rushing my direction.

Finally, when this small wave of green made it to my feet I was immediately knocked onto my butt.



Gathering myself up, I felt a strange sensation smacking the side of my face.


I was beyond confused and overjoyed to realize… it was my dog Buckman.



the thing is, it wasn’t the dog I have now…. But it was my golden retriever… my favorite dog.. the family dog from when I was 5 years old.



I stood up, and gathering my senses while giving Buckman pats, until I saw a figure on the horizon. It drew closer and closer until my body started to feel a strange sensation of familiarity.



Behind this figure I started seeing more coming from the same direction.

As the first figure made it to about a half football field length away. I heard a booming raspy voice shout,
“Hey buddy, let’s see how good that curve ball got.”

Immediately my legs started rushing forward, as if they had never known stillness..
They were more sure of themselves than they had ever felt, and filled with more purpose than they had ever carried.

As I ran, streams rolled from my cheeks down my face and off into the wind as I ran faster and faster. The long blades of grass seemed to grow up from the ground, taller and taller until I was barely able to peer over the top of green. I felt my strides begin to shorten, yet it didn’t feel from fatigue..

I kept racing forward until I was greeted through the tall grass by a pair of scuffed dark brown leather boots.

The same boots that waited outside the metal gates across from the handball court at three o’clock.
The same pair that religiously sat on my door step every Sunday after church.

I was then hoisted and picked up by big familiar calloused hands, the ones that used to pat my shoulder when my soccer team had lost, the hands that had been more gentle to me, than the soft ones of a mother ever had.

It was Grandpa, the man who ingrained a deeper sense of security and love in my soul than a drunken father ever could.

As he hugged me I felt safe. At peace. Loved. I was a child.

I had finally realized exactly where I was… it was heaven.



I knew why this was so familiar, it was because I had thought of this moment, this feeling, this setting every day since he passed away in 2009 when I was 11.


This was my heaven, and I had finally made it back to him.

After a few seconds, the wind started to pickup and swirl through the rolling hills of grass. It grew faster until it started to ring loudly against my ears and colder against my skin. The sky’s started to darken and my grandpas grip on me felt tighter. “Stay a little longer kid, I’ve missed you too much”, he told me with water filled eyes. Shouting back I screamed over the roaring wind,
“I will, I will, please just let me be here with you.”

My head start to feel lighter and my vision blacker until I woke up in a dimly lit bar.

Before I could gather my senses some dude came and put his hands around my hips and whispered in my ears “hey honey have you ever heard of Newschoolers”. I was like wtf and pushed his arms off of me and stood up. When I stood up and turned around I was facing the closest thing to a troll I had ever seen. He asked me my name and if I wanted a drink. I told him to fuck off but he insisted. Ended up talking to him for a good bit and he bought me dinner. Said he was a big deal on some skier website called Newschoolers. Anyways when last call came I didn’t have a ride home. Realizing this he immediately jumped at the opportunity. I figured what’s the worst that could happen.20 minutes later I was covered in sweat, Cheeto dust, and oddly colored semen in the back of a beige Subaru Outback. I figured the sex would hide the smell of ass and mold but his small cock only made it worse. He used his t shirt to towel me off and then we awkwardly got dressed in the dark. He didn’t even walk me up to my condo he left me in the parking lot. The next morning on my way out the door there was a note that said: HMU shawty XOXO -Evan Heath. It was left with a phone number I never bothered to text.