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October, 2024

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Porch Pirates

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Fancy_Latte
Posts: 154 - Karma: 905
Got a package stolen by some loser on a bicycle. Fortunately he's stupid enough to live in my neighbourhood. Genuinely looking for ideas for a bit of payback. I've had my car keyed and packages stolen before, and I feel I've reached a bit of a boiling point. I'd like something that wouldn't result in major charges after being caught, or that I could at least pay my way out of within the range of 300. I want it to be damaging
Oct 26 2022 7:14PM
12 0
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weastcoat
Posts: 6402 - Karma: 73,975
Why not just get his dumb ass charged with theft if you know who it is?
Oct 26 2022 7:16PM
16 1
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PsychicMigration
Posts: 2096 - Karma: 10,534
shit in a bag and put it on his steps. second idea, place rotting fish under his car so it leaches in from below and it never gets out. third, get a blank sign and put it in the front yard write "this cunt steals packages"
Oct 26 2022 7:17PM
11 0
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PsychicMigration
Posts: 2096 - Karma: 10,534
See if he has backed up taxes. pay his taxes and then if he doesn't pay you you own his house and kick his ass out. the revenge would be so diabolical.
Oct 26 2022 7:18PM
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Fancy_Latte
Posts: 154 - Karma: 905
weatcoastWhy not just get his dumb ass charged with theft if you know who it is?


Its just under 100 and nothings ever come of fedex "investigating"
I'm just completely fed up and just want to upset something he really values. I'm not at a point where I have anyone I'm living with I'd be worried about retaliation, I'm looking to move out of my flat soon, and want to take this chance to meet him im being a greater asshole
Oct 26 2022 7:21PM
3 0
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Rparr
Posts: 5548 - Karma: 45,406
Only package I've ever had stolen from my porch was actually a fucking package of weed. Those god damn scoundrels

PO box changed my life though. Was only 20$/month, it's complete immunity to porch pirates.
Oct 26 2022 7:35PM
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GrapeHunter
Posts: 2385 - Karma: 8,352
a little tactic i like to call sniper bullying

u pay some high school kid to get another high school kid to get another kid etc to do whatever you want and by that point its gone through so many hands that its hard to trace back to u

i would pay them to shoot his dick off and make him eat it!!!!!
and then ransack his house for ur package
Oct 26 2022 10:07PM
4 0
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WoFIowz
Posts: 9788 - Karma: 72,407
weatcoastWhy not just get his dumb ass charged with theft if you know who it is?

In Columbus the city doesn't prosecute porch pirates and flat out said that, so it's literally a free crime. I wonder if op's city is any similar.
Oct 27 2022 3:13AM
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weastcoat
Posts: 6402 - Karma: 73,975
Plant bamboo somewhere in their yard. It’s a super invasive plant that spreads so fast next thing they know they have 90 bamboo saplings shooting up all spreading their own bamboo and they won’t be able to win the battle
Oct 27 2022 3:21AM
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SlitherySnake
Posts: 1168 - Karma: 8,612
bang his mom

or his sister (if she’s legal)

maybe his grandma while you’re at it

and don’t call any of them back
Oct 27 2022 4:17AM
8 0
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PacificRimJob
Posts: 24725 - Karma: 29,940
Porch pirates are why it pisses me off how it's done in the USA... Just keep it at the warehouse and either offer a redelivery the next day, or allow someone to just go to the warehouse and pick it up on their own time...

Dont just leave it on my porch so any old jerkbag can steal it, or force me to get some stupid porch camera in order to hopefully prevent it...
Oct 27 2022 4:38AM
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MichiganCatFart
Posts: 1421 - Karma: 21,915
Take the valve cores out of the valve stems from his tires (preferable both bike and car) then when he goes to fill them up, the air shoots right back out.
Oct 27 2022 7:53AM
5 0
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skierman
Posts: 8305 - Karma: 7,428
Oh you have packages stolen and your car keyed for no reason?


Yeah, that sounds like a lot of bullshit to me. Something tells me a lot of people in your neighborhood hate you and probably for good reasons.
Oct 27 2022 8:31AM
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BradFiAusNzCoCa
Posts: 6921 - Karma: 60,344
You’d still get the interest on it even if he does pay it back so you still win
PsychicMigrationSee if he has backed up taxes. pay his taxes and then if he doesn't pay you you own his house and kick his ass out. the revenge would be so diabolical.
Oct 27 2022 10:18AM
2 0
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Fancy_Latte
Posts: 154 - Karma: 905
PacificRimJobPorch pirates are why it pisses me off how it's done in the USA... Just keep it at the warehouse and either offer a redelivery the next day, or allow someone to just go to the warehouse and pick it up on their own time...

Dont just leave it on my porch so any old jerkbag can steal it, or force me to get some stupid porch camera in order to hopefully prevent it...

Fedex just left it in the middle of the porch and the dumb camera only picked up the back of a head

it all just kills me
skierman


"Oh you have packages stolen and your car keyed for no reason?


Yeah, that sounds like a lot of bullshit to me. Something tells me a lot of people in your neighborhood hate you and probably for good reasons."

Oct 27 2022 1:48PM
6 0
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skierman
Posts: 8305 - Karma: 7,428
Fancy_LatteFedex just left it in the middle of the porch and the dumb camera only picked up the back of a head

it all just kills me


"Oh you have packages stolen and your car keyed for no reason?


Yeah, that sounds like a lot of bullshit to me. Something tells me a lot of people in your neighborhood hate you and probably for good reasons."



You made a thread on ski forum asking people for ideas to "get revenge" on someone in your neighborhood.



and you think that's what normal people do? Are you fucking 12?
Oct 27 2022 2:24PM
2 2
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VTshredder69
Posts: 2721 - Karma: -7,220
skiermanOh you have packages stolen and your car keyed for no reason?


Yeah, that sounds like a lot of bullshit to me. Something tells me a lot of people in your neighborhood hate you and probably for good reasons.


This comment brought to you by someone who has experience.
Oct 27 2022 3:03PM
5 1
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VTshredder69
Posts: 2721 - Karma: -7,220
skiermanYou made a thread on ski forum asking people for ideas to "get revenge" on someone in your neighborhood.



and you think that's what normal people do? Are you fucking 12?


^^ also experienced
Oct 27 2022 3:04PM
4 0
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TRVP_ANGEL
Posts: 12499 - Karma: 116,031
weatcoastWhy not just get his dumb ass charged with theft if you know who it is?


the world record for hardest wedgie in the world cannot be accomplished if we just turned them in to the police each time
Oct 27 2022 3:44PM
8 0
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Fancy_Latte
Posts: 154 - Karma: 905
skierman



"You made a thread on ski forum asking people for ideas to "get revenge" on someone in your neighborhood.



and you think that's what normal people do? Are you fucking 12?"


Oct 27 2022 4:55PM
6 0
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Fancy_Latte
Posts: 154 - Karma: 905
in hindsight it could have entirely been skierman

the doorbell only caught the back of the guys head, but I could tell he was on a bike and balding
Oct 27 2022 4:57PM
4 0
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skierman
Posts: 8305 - Karma: 7,428
Fancy_Lattein hindsight it could have entirely been skierman

the doorbell only caught the back of the guys head, but I could tell he was on a bike and balding


What's it like living in the ghetto? LOL
Oct 27 2022 5:50PM
4 1
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BradFiAusNzCoCa
Posts: 6921 - Karma: 60,344
https://www.newschoolers.com/videos/watch/1053713/Too--hort---The-Ghetto


skiermanWhat's it like living in the ghetto? LOL
Oct 27 2022 5:52PM
1 0
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Granby_killdozer
Posts: 2351 - Karma: -11,750
wear a ski mask, go over to his house at 3 in the morning pour a gallon of water or motor oil in his gas tank.
Oct 27 2022 9:11PM
0 0
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Granby_killdozer
Posts: 2351 - Karma: -11,750
wear a ski mask, go over to his house at 3 in the morning pour a gallon of water or motor oil in his gas tank.
Oct 27 2022 9:11PM
2 0
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GrapeHunter
Posts: 2385 - Karma: 8,352
u said it urself, if package stealing is a no charge crime then just steal all his packages lmao no need to engage in domestic terrorism
Oct 27 2022 9:17PM
2 0
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piss.boy
Posts: 1491 - Karma: 10,615
Set up something like this
Oct 28 2022 8:13AM
4 0
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WoFIowz
Posts: 9788 - Karma: 72,407
This would be amazing. Or one of those glitter stink bomb traps. Otherwise anything that causes harm could get you in trouble. Or just fill a box full of old cat shit and leave it for a pirate to steal.

[URL]https://www.theblankbox.com/sho[/URL]p
Oct 28 2022 8:18AM
4 1
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r00kie
Posts: 5238 - Karma: 59,574
Buy some stick on wheel weights and place them on his wheels and drive shaft.
Oct 28 2022 11:33AM
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GayWolf420
Posts: 37320 - Karma: 118,953
I think the general consensus here is to commit tax fraud on his account.
Oct 28 2022 1:11PM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51514 - Karma: 160,924
Spend a year clearing out the basement and retreating some saw games. Have a trapped door on your porch where the packages get set.

That'll show him.


PS: Make sure it's off when the fedex guy is delivering. You don't want to have dump a fesex truck and pray nobody in the area saw him there.
Oct 28 2022 4:24PM
1 0
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VTshredder69
Posts: 2721 - Karma: -7,220
Fancy_Latte"You made a thread on ski forum asking people for ideas to "get revenge" on someone in your neighborhood.



and you think that's what normal people do? Are you fucking 12?"




BAHAHAHAHHAHA.
Oct 28 2022 5:27PM
1 1
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jompcock
Posts: 1524 - Karma: 11,262
poop grenade
Oct 28 2022 9:33PM
1 0
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iH8pow
Posts: 1790 - Karma: 7,609
This is one of the greatest thing’s i’ve read on this site. Got my freedom boner ringing
PsychicMigrationSee if he has backed up taxes. pay his taxes and then if he doesn't pay you you own his house and kick his ass out. the revenge would be so diabolical.


My wife bought a super expensive vibrator, dudnt get delivered til we were on a long vacation. She didnt wanna ask our super christian neighbors to hold package, so chanced it and its gone by time we got home. Now im paranoid that porch pirate is gonna keep coming back after that haul
Oct 29 2022 12:36PM
1 0
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GrapeHunter
Posts: 2385 - Karma: 8,352
theLiquorThis is one of the greatest thing’s i’ve read on this site. Got my freedom boner ringing


My wife bought a super expensive vibrator, dudnt get delivered til we were on a long vacation. She didnt wanna ask our super christian neighbors to hold package, so chanced it and its gone by time we got home. Now im paranoid that porch pirate is gonna keep coming back after that haul


why would u admit that to a bunch of horny teenagers
Oct 30 2022 12:07AM
1 0
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