Member of the Month

partyandBS
December, 2024

Online

Welcome to the Newschoolers forums! You may read the forums as a guest, however you must be a registered member to post. Register to become a member today!

Giant house plant problem

profile picture
arnie_grape
Posts: 3455 - Karma: 11,739
so my girlfriend has all these plants and i water these things and give them positive affirmations now as a result of my good energies and universal love they're all fucking huge and are living in like 10L pots and just eating up the whole living space.

how can i stutnt their growth without killing these plants cause i dont want them to grow anymore but if they die suddenly it would arouse suspicion. this fuckgn monstera is blocking my view of the television from my favourite chair and im looking to take back my land so if you have any suggestions lmk
May 12 2022 2:00AM
16 0
profile picture
HypeBeast
Posts: 9820 - Karma: 72,985
-Stop taking care of them. Sounds like they'll die without your support
-10L pots aren't helping the situation lmao
-What kinda plants we talking here?
-Get a giant house
May 12 2022 2:25AM
11 0
profile picture
theabortionator
Posts: 51971 - Karma: 166,357
Give them gatorade. It's what plants crave
May 12 2022 2:30AM
14 0
profile picture
HypeBeast
Posts: 9820 - Karma: 72,985
But if you really wanna know, get some fungus gnats if you don't already have em. They really only hang around soil so won't bother you. Then you'll have an excuse for getting rid of plants if the gnats get out of control. Generally the gnats are harmless to plants but their larvae compete for nutrients and can harm your plants. Only sure way to get rid of them is drying the fuck out of the soil, risking plant death. Considering they're house plants, I'm assuming they're of the low water requirement variety, so this plan might not work.
-Overwater the plants. This might bright out fungus gnat larvae you didn't know you had.
-Plug up drainage holes so the roots rot
-Do this in combination with gnats and accidentally water your plants with bleach. Blame the gnats.
-Mix a fuck ton of fertilizer in the water before you water. Do this multiple times a week. They'll start to die sure enough. This might be the best incognito approach, especially if you have fungus gnats to blame it on.
-Don't kill every plant at once. Slowly do it.


But why hate on plants mane?
May 12 2022 2:34AM
4 0
profile picture
yungona
Posts: 2374 - Karma: -5,805
Some real liberal shit to kill something you ain’t wanna deal with anymore
May 12 2022 9:23AM
3 5
profile picture
Icant_kfed
Posts: 1279 - Karma: 11,593
yungonaSome real liberal shit to kill something you ain’t wanna deal with anymore


Something that could easily be controlled by your decisions
May 12 2022 9:29AM
2 1
profile picture
X_MEMESWERVE_XX
Posts: 3699 - Karma: 30,650
yungonaSome real liberal shit to kill something you ain’t wanna deal with anymore


yungona is a liberal
May 12 2022 11:57AM
6 0
profile picture
Non_State_Actor
Posts: 4954 - Karma: 17,717
You can prune them, propagate them and give the offspring to your gf's friends?
May 12 2022 12:45PM
5 0
profile picture
powpatrol
Posts: 1710 - Karma: 11,065
depends on the plant dude. you can prune/train a lot of the plants sold as houseplants fairly easily. If your sure you don’t want them physically getting larger then leave them to get pot bound in the pots their in and they’ll eventually be quite content and keep to suitable size.
May 12 2022 12:45PM
1 0
profile picture
SuspiciousFish
Posts: 2794 - Karma: 16,910
theabortionatorGive them gatorade. It's what plants crave


I legit did this in high school as part of a science experiment. They died and mold grew everywhere.
May 12 2022 12:47PM
6 0
profile picture
skierman
Posts: 8406 - Karma: 7,876
Move them outside, you dumb fuck.
May 12 2022 2:40PM
3 1
profile picture
SofaKingSick
Posts: 9396 - Karma: 62,015
SuspiciousFishI legit did this in high school as part of a science experiment. They died and mold grew everywhere.


(Step Brothers) Research and Development! Last week we put liquid paper on a bee, and.. it died
May 12 2022 2:59PM
3 0
profile picture
GrandThings
Posts: 3184 - Karma: 32,229
yungonaSome real liberal shit to kill something you ain’t wanna deal with anymore


Call me AOC then, cause I wanna put you in the ground.
May 12 2022 4:05PM
3 0
profile picture
yungona
Posts: 2374 - Karma: -5,805
GrandThingsCall me AOC then, cause I wanna put you in the ground.


You don’t own a gun and you couldn’t dig a hole without losing your breathe
May 12 2022 4:29PM
0 2
profile picture
iFlip
Posts: 4544 - Karma: 19,144
I’ll give the first useful reply. To stunt/delay a plant’s growth you can ice them. Pack ice around their stems and bases. This will trick them into thinking it’s winter and they will not grow. Of course this will be time consuming and will likely result in you having to clean up large pools of water and also possibly water damage to your living premises. But if your only goal is to stunt their growth, this is how to do it.
May 12 2022 5:09PM
3 0
profile picture
HypeBeast
Posts: 9820 - Karma: 72,985
yungonaYou don’t own a gun and you couldn’t dig a hole without losing your breathe

Breath*
May 12 2022 5:37PM
3 0
profile picture
TournevisRond
Posts: 458 - Karma: 5,169
Got any pics?
I like plants
May 12 2022 6:02PM
2 1
profile picture
CatdickBojangles
Posts: 6210 - Karma: 63,066
Give them to my wife. She’ll kill them in no time.
May 12 2022 6:58PM
7 0
profile picture
BigmoneyMatt
Posts: 1545 - Karma: 1,209
I prayed for your plants, hopefully the lord will halt the growth of these monsters 🙏
May 12 2022 7:43PM
2 0
profile picture
WunhungL0
Posts: 287 - Karma: 1,607
theabortionatorGive them gatorade. It's what plants crave


May 13 2022 1:13AM
2 0
All times are Eastern (-5)