Lied to my wife to get out of the house and ski did I f*ck up? Advice

ReturnToMonkeyNot ever marrying a woman who doesnt enjoy sliding on rails

SchoessWho makes the money in a marriage has no bearing on who gets to call the shots. A marriage is not a corporate entity with shareholder percentage. That mentality would be extremely toxic

Skiblade420It isn’t whatsoever but when they kick you out for something so ridiculous as going skiing one day you need to put your pants on and not stand for that shit.

if you look at his older thread he describes the woman he’s with is like a psychopath. (Fearing she could stab him)

SchoessFor sure, that shit is fucked no doubt. A loving spouse would never do that.

DesertStixYou definitely gave good advice but the full stop for me was making him sleep out in the cold or cutting everyone out of their lives so he’s totally dependent on her. That’s a known abuse tactic.

SchoessAs a happily married man to a woman who just this season is skiing for basically the first time, let me tell you about what I have learned.

First of all, anyone saying "dump her, she should support what you love to do" is baked. Relationships like that are never simple. For us, myself spending time skiing has to be balanced with quality time and or experiences with your girl. My wife's love language is quality time and I hear it is very common for many women to feel the same. I am far from perfect and many times have not made enough time for her which causes stress in the relationship. She understands my passion for skiing but also she understands how much we love and care for eachother and that honestly it's more important than skiing in many ways.

That brings me to my point of... why does she always see you skiing as a negative thing? Is she worried about the danger? does she view it as a childish activity? does it have to do with the group of friends you would go with? does it make her feel less important or neglected? if so, why? past experiences? insecurities in your relationship (not taking a shot at you, every relationship has them and they are hard to talk about but important to cover)? If she feels like she doesn't get enough time, how can you go about doing things with her that are important to her while still allowing you to ski a few times a week or whatever that looks like?

Others are right in saying you shouldn't have to ask necessarily, but more importantly there should be a TWO WAY DISCUSSION about what both of you would like to do in a given week/weekend where you come to an agreement on each other's time and together time.

Most importantly, you need to come to her with this out of a place of genuine love and humility. You care about her clearly and want to resolve this. I would absolutely tell her about what happened the other day and use it as a spring board to lovingly express your side, while inquiring about what it is that REALLY is the reason she doesn't want you skiing or doesn't feel there is appropriate time for you to do so. I cannot stress enough that the answer you get may or may not be the true reason. I sense walls are put up here that may take multiple loving and patient attempts to get through.

I would love to add anything more you may want to know, but to conclude I am 27 and my wife and I have been together for 8 years now. We moved across the country together, have been poor as fuck together, grown together, hurt together and are very happy together. She did not set foot on snow for 7 of the 8 years we have been together and I have been working at finding this balance of my ski/film/photo passion for our entire relationship. The only way is sacrifice on both sides through love and patience.