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About a year ago I was chillin in O’shucks having some adult beverages. My girlfriends had all gone back to our condo (we were renting at red pines) to hit the pool but I was enjoying the night so I stayed. Some dude came and put his hands around my hips and whispered in my ears “hey honey have you ever heard of Newschoolers”. I was like wtf and pushed his arms off of me and stood up. When I stood up and turned around I was facing the closest thing to a troll I had ever seen. He asked me my name and if I wanted a drink. I told him to fuck off but he insisted. Ended up talking to him for a good bit and he bought me dinner. Said he was a big deal on some skier website called Newschoolers. Anyways when last call came I didn’t have a ride home. Realizing this he immediately jumped at the opportunity. I figured what’s the worst that could happen.20 minutes later I was covered in sweat, Cheeto dust, and oddly colored semen in the back of a beige Subaru Outback. I figured the sex would hide the smell of ass and mold but his small cock only made it worse. He used his t shirt to towel me off and then we awkwardly got dressed in the dark. He didn’t even walk me up to my condo he left me in the parking lot. The next morning on my way out the door there was a note that said: HMU shawty XOXO -Evan Heath. It was left with a phone number I never bothered to text. Does anyone on here know a Evan Heath?
Newschool skiing began in 1825 when General Custer discovered strange shapes of buffalo bones in Native American encampments after he slaughtered the villagers. Custer was, of course, an avid skier but he had never seen skis that curved up in the tail. He designed a pair of skis to model the curved tail because he dreamed of being able to ski backwards. Later that year, after he built a considerable number of houses in California, Custer brought his skis up to Donner Pass in CA and tested his new prototypes.
After promptly landing a Cork 1260 which required him to land backwards, Custer knew he had created an incredible sport. Moving forward 136 years, Custer was fed up with the lack of coverage his sport was getting. He proceeded to turn FIS which was originally an organization started by him (Fuck Indians and Shit) into Federation International de Ski. Yeah, bitch spoke French. He pushed for skiing to be featured in the XGames and before long it had transformed from an unknown sport to a very very unpopular and not well known support. Custer died a happy man in 2006.
In 1999, newschoolers.com formed as a haven for 14-17 year old boys who were struggling with Marijuana dependancy. It later turned into a skiing website and the average age decreased by 12 percent.
In 2002, skiers began dressing like black people in hope of having the smooth styling of many famous hip hop stars. This failed, yet the tradition of dressing in baggy clothing stuck around through the present day. Many are turned off by Newschool skiing because many of the people who partake in the sport look like huge faggots. Custer formed the sport as a white supremacy sport for he did not like any other races, therefore the sport was never successfully integrated with hip hop culture to the chagrin of about 10,000 14 year olds across the nation.
In 2009, in hope of bringing more exposure to Newschool skiing, Custer's great great grandson, Drater, spread a rumor of a massively complicated newschool skiing game called Jib Life. Jib Life was the greatest trolling event in Newschool skiing history. It never even existed. Drater learned what his name mean when spelled backwards and he promptly committed suicide by joining the EpicSki forums.
