Grand Theft Freshies

I don't usually tell this one but the statute of limitations is up by now so.....
So this is a long one but I hope someone gets a chuckle out of it. In the ski season of 08 09 in steamboat I had a merchant pass that I paid $1200 for from the holiday inn. I got it notched early season for poaching for two weeks and the day I got it back my dumb ass was skiing a victory lap switch down heavenly days and hit a ski instructor cutting across the fall line under a roller in my blind spot. Down hill skier totally has the right of way so my fault "he could have looked uphill" but to be fair I knocked him out of his telly skis so i'm the asshole.

Anyway needless to say I chose to run and ski patrol chased me. I came in hot to the base and skied onto the cobblestone with 3 ski patrol in pursuit. The first one behind me was alpine ski patrol and since I was wicked fast at running in ski boots I lost him on the first set of cheese greater stairs. Second behind me was telly patrol and he was keeping up better with the articulated toe but caught his duck bill on the second to top stair on the second set of stairs. I was one set of stairs away form the buss stop and what I thought would be the freedom of the steamboat grand lobby when snowboard patrol caught me at the top of the third set and laid me out from behind. Family's on ski vacation stared as my skis went skidding across the ground for 20 feet and I jumped up to collect them.

As I turned around he had his dukes up and looked like he was ready to throw hands with me. My first thought was a yelling wu tang and full tuilting him in the side of the knee but I thought better of it and said alright you got me. He demands my pass and sees that it already has a notch in it. By that time the other 2 had caught up as well and they said alright buddy you are done for the season. They all stomp away with my pass and I stand there in disbelief as to both my stupidity and the fucked position It put me in it's not even Christmas yet.

I stood there smoking a cig and contemplating life when it hit me that I probably had about 20 minutes too act and save my ski season before I was totally fucked. I put my skis on the rack and roll up in the ticket office. I go up to the counter and say "yo I lost my pass I need a new one." Not like I got it taken like I lost it. It turns out at least at the time that it was less work to cut a new pass with a new pass number than re issue an existing one, so that is what they did.

I duck into the snowboard shop where some of my friends work and we pay coat hat goggle switcharoo. I didn't think it was going to work but I was going to try so I go and get on the gondola and god damn it actualy worked. I ski the rest of the day and return home. My girlfriend who worked in the ski school portion of the ticket office says to me that someone form the holiday inn got their pass pulled for the rest of the season and I play dumb like wonder who it could be.

I end up switching up my teal jacket and yellow pants for black over black. For the first 2 weeks of skiing 6 days a week I shit my pants every time I get scanned or see ski patrol. Then something happened, I kept getting away with it. I just proceeded to ski 6 days a week. It was a pretty good year for pow days and after a while I stopped even thinking about the fact this could end badly for me.

Then on a tuesday in march on a 1 foot day I decided to do a lap down to thunderhead lift instead of heading straight to pony express and when the lady scanned my ticket she said something like oh Michael i'm sorry and I got on the lift. When I got to the top there were 3 ski patrols at the bottom of the ramp. I still didn't put it together since it had been so long so I go to ski around them like excuse me gentlemen and bam hand on my chest. "You come with us download the gondola."

I get arrested in ski boots and they try to charge me with felony theft for $75 a day for 70 days. "side note sometimes when you get arrested in ski gear when you get the ziplock bag of the contents of the pockets it has 12 bic lighters in it. Also my girlfriend was super pissed because it wasn't exactly a good look for her. They even made he print off my "evidence" like 40 pages of scan history. "13 years later we are married so I guess she got over it"

Fast forward to my court date saint patties day... I say to myself im going to put on my lucky green undies go get a great deal from the DA and come back and buy carbombs for everyone at the hotel bar. I go in and when my name is called I talk to to this DA who looks almost just like Ron Burgendy. We talk and he says they took my pass that I payed for so their is no way he thinks I should be charged with a felony. I was so stoked I almost told him to stay classy. I went back and bought everybody carbombs.

I thought it was a really funny story for a long time but It got less funny when I was living in leadville 6 years later and I get a notice in the mail that I owe $2600 in restitution ... I was still really pour so that made it much less funny.

anyway im pretty sure they were also pissed because that paperwork was just sitting on someones desk for 3 months before they realized "this motherfucker just got his pass reprinted... and he has been skiing 6 days a fucking week!"


Moral of the story kids don't be a dumb ass like me, but boy did I get some sweet pow days in!

**This thread was edited on Dec 3rd 2020 at 3:37:25pm