Dominator jacques

Abridged part 1. From Wikipedia

"A long long time ago, in the backroom of a ski shop in Oregon...

A shop tech was trying to dial in the most perfect wax to make his skis glide effortlessly. He made some amazing breakthroughs but was never satisfied. One day, angered that he could never reach his incredibly high goals, he threw the wax at the wall and stormed out never to be see again. Days turned to nights, shop techs and customers game and went, and the wax sat there in the dark, till one day. It began to sprout. In that corner of the ski shop it began to grow, and grow, and grow some more. This was no plant, this was a man, well half man half wax, bred from speed for speed. A man born to ski, born to glide..."

The following is an excerpt from a 2012 interview I did with him on his first time skiing.

...Heh this reminds me of my first time [skiing]. I got skiing lessons and I was speeding down the bunny hill trying to stop. The instructor kept yelling "PIZZA PIZZA" but I was panicking too much to concentrate. I ended up colliding with some little kid. I was fine, but my knee slammed into the kid's head, resulting in a major concussion. Blood was everywhere. Then the boys dad, a tall, husky fellow started yelling at me saying that I killed his son so he pulled his ski mask off and I was face to face with the father of the child I just killed. Black, slightly fraying hair. A receding hairline indicated he was going naked soon. Thick eyebrows, complimented with a goatee resembling General Zod. He proceeded to breathe fire on my face until it was nothing but a skull covered in burned, charred flesh. But miraculously, I survived. I decided to get back at the father by impaling him with one of my ski poles. The pole went through his abdomen, probably punctured his intestines. He would die a slow, painful, septic death as the bacteria in his colon would destroy the rest of his internal organs, but then he just laughed and caked me, and I quote "a foolish young boy who has much to learn." Figuring that further conflict was pointless, I decided to runaway from the ski lodge and move to Mt. Bachelor...

That’s hot

icedThe following is an excerpt from a 2012 interview I did with him on his first time skiing.

...Heh this reminds me of my first time [skiing]. I got skiing lessons and I was speeding down the bunny hill trying to stop. The instructor kept yelling "PIZZA PIZZA" but I was panicking too much to concentrate. I ended up colliding with some little kid. I was fine, but my knee slammed into the kid's head, resulting in a major concussion. Blood was everywhere. Then the boys dad, a tall, husky fellow started yelling at me saying that I killed his son so he pulled his ski mask off and I was face to face with the father of the child I just killed. Black, slightly fraying hair. A receding hairline indicated he was going naked soon. Thick eyebrows, complimented with a goatee resembling General Zod. He proceeded to breathe fire on my face until it was nothing but a skull covered in burned, charred flesh. But miraculously, I survived. I decided to get back at the father by impaling him with one of my ski poles. The pole went through his abdomen, probably punctured his intestines. He would die a slow, painful, septic death as the bacteria in his colon would destroy the rest of his internal organs, but then he just laughed and caked me, and I quote "a foolish young boy who has much to learn." Figuring that further conflict was pointless, I decided to runaway from the ski lodge and move to Mt. Bachelor...

This one time I was riding switch through the park. I hear a WOOOOOO SEND IT! So of course I throw a dub cork 4200. The next thing you know I woke up in the hospital. The only reason I survived this ordeal was because the man the myth the legend saw my crash and donated his one price to keep me warm on my wait for the helivac to rescue me.