Replying to Things ridiculous ski shop customers say

As a response to the thread about ski shop workers, I feel its my duty to turn the spotlight.

I worked ten seasons at ski shops, many of which was as a service manager in a city shop(which is more conducive to uninformed shoppers). I'll also preface by saying that any tech that sets a customers binding outside proper chart setting invites massive liability to themselves and their respective shop. I once had a customer break his leg on skis I mounted and he tried to sue. Fortunately I did my job correct and he signed off, so it was fruitless.

-"You can't mount these now? My family and I are headed to the airport now!"
Answer:Normally thats 48hr minimum, but if you come back in an hour with a 12 twelve pack, it'll get done.

--"Just crank the DINs to like 12"
-Answer: Nah brah, company policy(and law I think). I'll crank to your specs, but by all means death sentence your knees.

-"Center mount these for me, por favor"
- Response: You ride park, homeboy? or are these the skis you ride the whole mtn with?(guess which is usually the case)

Other dumb utterings:
"Can you not band my skis? It ruins the camber."
"Can you put a 3 degree edge on these(park skis)"
"Can you wax the top of the skis so it'll be protected?"
"Can you transfer these(15 yr old) rental bindings(from a hardware store sale) onto these(children's foam core) skis for a small adult?"

Please add in your stories and one liners. If you are a customer and need a favor, bribe with beer, pizza, cookies or have the family sing Christmas carols over the loudspeaker(which was awesome that one time). Oh, and cover your asses, shop techs!