Broken cell phone screen: Rant/Need Advice

So this morning I start my day the only way I know how, on the shitter peeping the gram. Next thing I know I am so fucking hyped on @Sammycarlson1 my brand new phone (galaxy S7 Edge) flies out of my hand and hits the tile floor *que dramatic reenactment*. DONEZO, screen is shattered! And I'm talking looking more haggard than those Chronics you've had in the garage for the past 6 years. My heart breaks into the same number of pieces as the screen.

My immediate reaction was bummed, but confident I could get this all worked out relatively easily/cheaply. I mean, I just bought the phone 10 days ago on ebay, AND I purchased some insurance, a heavy duty case, and screen protector for it at the same time. Suprise suprise, I tend to be a bit rough on my devices so I saw this sort of thing coming, and did everything I could to prevent it.

First things first I hit up the insurance company, RING RING, "Hello thank you for calling dicksuckers cell insurance how are you today?"

"I'M HAVING A FUCKING CRISIS LADY, my phone screen just broke" Okay sir no problem lets get that fixed....

Turns out my coverage includes accidents with the exception of "damage/defects due to dropping", meaning If my phone had been in my pocket, and I slammed it so hard it broke, I'd get a repair/replacement. BUT since I dropped it, I'm beat!

Well fuck me, I guess I have to have this fixed on my own. I called up the local nerds to get an estimate on a screen replacement. 300 SCHMACKOS! What kind of fucking golden space technology is inside this screen that makes it so much, I only paid $450 for the phone?!

Now this isn't really one of those things thats gonna have any sort of affect on my life, but i'm still pretty tight about it! Any of you out there know how to plot & scheme my way into convincing the original sellers or samsung to warranty this bitch? Or have any advice on how to get this pig back up and running on the cheap?

$450 for the phone and now $300 for a new screen still puts me in at the original retail price of $750, so maybe i should just stop bitching and go skiing!