Global warming? More like global trending

GREAT NEWS EVERYONE!!!
After many trips to savers for some thrift store outerwear I realized the damage that I had done to the environment. TRENDING CREATES GLOBAL WARMING. DON'T GO TO THRIFT STORE. I finally came to my senses and bought a fitted but slightly larger jacket so I could fit in with the rest of the skiers around me. After I did that I checked in with accuweather and found a plot of average temps and forecasted temps. I DID IT. I MADE WINTER COME BACK. Please for the love of skiing DO NOT EVER TRY TO BE TRENDY. Being trendy is extremely dangerous to the environment and you shold think of the poor penguins who will have to live in a world without winter just because you decided to buy you crap from a THRIFT STORE. Never again will I give in to the satanic ways of the bunch or the trashparty. Make a little room for bobby brown in your life.
-1806 out

Normal opening dates happened for most ski areas in the state but for this upcoming weekend it's very likely that every hill will be closed because everyone got too trendy on opening weekends across the state. I WARNED OF THIS HAPPENING. I'm going to personally blame myself and fellow skiers at spirit mountain who were trying to start the coffin slide revolution at the hike park. I didn't help out either with the 2 to switch hand drag, also curse jowell tiburzie and his over shifties. Also all you trollhaugen kids doing backslides and especially Bian Karret, you shouldn't have done that back swap backslide to switch (nick shoes showed me the shot, I know your dirty secrets) now look what happened. Trollhaugen isn't opening valhalla for another few weeks because of you. Trendy skiing = warmer climate. STOP the insanity and for God's sake do a switchup continuing 270 out like it's 2010 again so we can get a good winter.