Give me a red name

so i understand that the default color for names is blue. but this has caused me to be in a tremendous debacle. pls read on:

my entire belief system, as well as the lifestyles of my fellow sauce posse delegates, revolves around the ideology (really, religion) of "sauce", which is definitely not blue. (if you know of a blue sauce, please let me know, i would love to sample it. maybe someone has some of that blue heinz ketchup limited run from 2002 lurkin in ya mom's basement? yall remember that shit? lets take a moment to appreciate the era of multi-colored dookies from toxic colored ketchups. man 2002 was sosik)

anyways, every time i log onto this site and see "thesauceposse" in blue, i have an anxiety-inducing conflict of self-identity. are we really walking the righteous walk in the light of Sauce? is sauce a worthy thing to dedicate one's life to? when will my dad finally say he loves me? is my wife cheating on me with that naughty poolboy?

long story short, i am very triggered. by having a blue name, this Canadian website is infringing on my caucasian-american right to freely practice my religion of sauce-worship/idolatry, and god damn it, i wont stand for it any longer!

change my name to red/white/yellow/pink i dont give a single dang. but my conscience will not be at peace until the conflict of being a disciple of sauce, while living with the terrible contradiction of having a blue internet alias is resolved

may justice finally be served.

if u can't accommodate my request, pls click "the gumby edit" in my profile, turn off the volume, and play this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WChTqYlDjtI. upon completion, promptly delete my account. i will finally be free in my mind.

i love u,

-b