X Games Aspen Day 1 Livestream

Member of the Month

partyandBS
December, 2024

Online

Welcome to the Newschoolers forums! You may read the forums as a guest, however you must be a registered member to post. Register to become a member today!

Bad Joke Thread

profile picture
MitchT
Posts: 560 - Karma: 4,095
This could get ugly but I will start us off.

1. Why do melons always have big weddings? Because they cant-elope

2. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing, it was on the house

3. What does a clock do when it's hungry? Goes back four seconds
May 10 2016 12:21PM
184 20
profile picture
soulskier
Posts: 17806 - Karma: 3,841
Two goldfish are sitting in their tank when one says to the other, "you man the guns, I'll drive."
May 10 2016 12:23PM
7 0
profile picture
stimpyskier
Posts: 59 - Karma: 71
How do you confuse a blond?

Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
May 10 2016 12:25PM
1 0
profile picture
powderdrunkie
Posts: 2034 - Karma: 976
what's the worst smelling part of moth balls?

the part closest to it's penis




what did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?

gagged
May 10 2016 1:16PM
9 0
profile picture
NewEscuelers
Posts: 1210 - Karma: 10,960
SJW says something smart
May 10 2016 1:19PM
19 0
profile picture
powderdrunkie
Posts: 2034 - Karma: 976
my dick was in the guiness book of world records

until I got kicked out of the library
May 10 2016 1:24PM
6 0
profile picture
Mingg
Posts: 13993 - Karma: 49,693
What's a ducks favorite drug?


QUACK COCAINE. (Low key favorite bad joke ever)
May 10 2016 1:29PM
5 0
profile picture
OregonDead
Posts: 6955 - Karma: 25,215
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?













One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
May 10 2016 1:40PM
8 0
profile picture
MadFlavor
Posts: 60 - Karma: 93
gays are fucked
May 10 2016 2:43PM
17 1
profile picture
Rennis_Deynolds
Posts: 2739 - Karma: 19,059
I'm gay
May 10 2016 2:59PM
4 5
profile picture
*DUMBCAN*
Posts: 2447 - Karma: 5,628
Why don't pirates drive in the mountains?



'Scurvy.
May 10 2016 3:02PM
12 0
profile picture
MitchT
Posts: 560 - Karma: 4,095
What's the difference between a cactus and a yellow jacket? With a cactus, the prick is on the outside
May 10 2016 3:44PM
2 0
profile picture
BedBugDoug
Posts: 590 - Karma: 2,253
difference between a crusty bus station and a lobster with boobs?

ones a busty crustacean and the other's a crusty bus station
May 10 2016 3:58PM
6 0
profile picture
250r
Posts: 2276 - Karma: 1,013
did you hear what was left after the cheese factory explosion?


nothin but debris
May 10 2016 4:27PM
3 0
profile picture
magco1271
Posts: 236 - Karma: 376
How do you cut down a tree?


A suh duudee



HAHAHHA GET IT
May 10 2016 10:23PM
9 0
profile picture
sgg.23
Posts: 271 - Karma: 266
What smells like red paint but is blue?



Blue paint
May 10 2016 10:25PM
17 0
profile picture
JohnBolea
Posts: 512 - Karma: 1,979
Whats green and has wheels

Grass I lied about the wheels.
May 10 2016 10:54PM
2 3
profile picture
DirtYStylE
Posts: 3652 - Karma: 8,891
May 11 2016 12:42AM
8 1
profile picture
User1
Posts: 402 - Karma: 2,218
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where's my tractor?"
May 11 2016 8:33AM
3 0
profile picture
Slush
Posts: 1916 - Karma: 12,960
What did the clown do after taking a shit?




flushed
May 11 2016 9:00AM
0 0
profile picture
SammyDubz
Posts: 2168 - Karma: 7,222
What's brown and sticky?

A brown stick
May 11 2016 10:26AM
0 0
profile picture
SammyDubz
Posts: 2168 - Karma: 7,222
SammyDubzWhat's brown and sticky?

A brown stick


semi-related: me and my friends asked our guidance counselor this in like 6th grade, and her response was "a puppy in a meat grinder"

never stepped foot in her office again
May 11 2016 10:27AM
6 0
profile picture
MitchT
Posts: 560 - Karma: 4,095
SammyDubzsemi-related: me and my friends asked our guidance counselor this in like 6th grade, and her response was "a puppy in a meat grinder"

never stepped foot in her office again


And then the camp food just never tasted the same eh
May 11 2016 4:31PM
1 0
profile picture
crotchvent
Posts: 1527 - Karma: 2,184
Why do melons always have big weddings? Because they cant-elope
May 11 2016 5:17PM
1 1
profile picture
MitchT
Posts: 560 - Karma: 4,095
MitchT1. Why do melons always have big weddings? Because they cant-elope





crotchventWhy do melons always have big weddings? Because they cant-elope


May 11 2016 5:36PM
6 0
profile picture
OregonDead
Posts: 6955 - Karma: 25,215
What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?











Anyone can roast beef.
May 11 2016 5:41PM
6 0
profile picture
Wrenn
Posts: 226 - Karma: 915
When it's raining cats and dogs be careful not to step in a poodle
May 12 2016 1:35AM
2 0
profile picture
MadFlavor
Posts: 60 - Karma: 93
How do you make pickle bread?

Dildo
May 12 2016 1:36AM
1 4
profile picture
chacha33
Posts: 959 - Karma: 4,163
What did the fish say when it ran into a wall?







Dam
May 12 2016 1:38AM
6 0
profile picture
oxiclean
Posts: 615 - Karma: 688
What's green and has wheels?



Grass. I lied about the wheels.
May 15 2016 11:53PM
0 0
profile picture
no_steeze
Posts: 23992 - Karma: 4,274
What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?

An investigator.
May 16 2016 10:29AM
0 0
profile picture
elcornholio
Posts: 797 - Karma: 1,556
I'll calc you later
May 16 2016 11:17AM
0 0
profile picture
AGOF
Posts: 2038 - Karma: 3,607
A pirate is walking down the road with a ships wheel jammed down the front of his pants. When someone asked if that was uncomfortable he replied:
"Yarrr, it's drivin me nuts."
May 16 2016 11:26AM
0 0
profile picture
OregonDead
Posts: 6955 - Karma: 25,215
What word is shorter when you add two letters to it?
May 20 2016 12:32PM
0 0
profile picture
Grishnackh
Posts: 87 - Karma: 83
You know what I heard?









Sheep.
May 20 2016 1:17PM
1 1
profile picture
Jesseselman
Posts: 16 - Karma: 142
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?


A tire
May 20 2016 9:52PM
1 3
profile picture
S.J.W
Posts: 7609 - Karma: 31,170
my entire existence on this site
May 20 2016 10:02PM
3 0
All times are Eastern (-5)