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Depression

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Utahpowderskier
Posts: 1336 - Karma: 14
My girlfriends brother is dying of cancer and hes only 16. She is really close to him. She has gotten really depressed to the point that she doesnt know what to do with herself. She doesnt want to get out of bed in the mornings and finds no purpose in life anymore. I have done everything I can do to let her know that I am here for her and that she can talk to me about anything and that I was there just to listen, but nothing seems to help. I dont know what to do. If anyone has been in a similar situation I would really appreciate some help.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but in the end, it doesnt get you anywhere. Write that down.
Jan 21 2005 1:27AM
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SchweitzerSki
Posts: 4479 - Karma: 11
get her going on some meds. take her out. get her into a routine of something. have her tryout for sports. GET HER SOME COUNSELING!!! most people can't make it on their own after a family member dies. she probably needs some professional help
**************************************
triple it triple it trip-le-it 1! brrrrrrr cha cha cha cha cha cha cha


ba-dum-ching!
Jan 21 2005 1:29AM
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lanks
Posts: 12543 - Karma: 72
at this point she's making a routine of doing nothing, and thats the worst thing for her. your job is to get her out of her routine...keep her busy dude.

-Joel



~Phunkin Phatt Phreerider~

Capital City Rider

Dragons Lair



I don't condone this.
Jan 21 2005 1:31AM
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SchweitzerSki
Posts: 4479 - Karma: 11
find out what she really likes to do. does she like to work out? take her to the gym every day. try out for a ports team WITH her. she would be more than appreciative later on down the road when she can come to terms with this and realize what you've done for her. make sure she understands how much she means to you. if she shows any signs of being suicidal at all, you really can save her. hopefully it won't go that far. that makes me sad to think about so you really got to be there for her as much as you can.
**************************************
triple it triple it trip-le-it 1! brrrrrrr cha cha cha cha cha cha cha


ba-dum-ching!
Jan 21 2005 1:35AM
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Utahpowderskier
Posts: 1336 - Karma: 14
She hasnt been suicidal, but I am scared if she stays like this. She feels like she needs to be a pillar of support for her mom and feels completely guilty if she isnt there for her, but she cant do it anymore. I am the only one that she will talk to about things. I take her out every day just to get out of the house and do something fun. I took her on a mini trip up to my condo for the weekend, but its not that kind of stuff that is going to make her feel any better.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but in the end, it doesnt get you anywhere. Write that down.
Jan 21 2005 1:41AM
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SchweitzerSki
Posts: 4479 - Karma: 11
medicine like zoloft or prozac etc. may really help her. she might be more prone to depression because of genes and it was massively struck with this cancer and the dying of her brother. she needs some professional help, seriosuly. you may think they don't do anything but they really do. help her find a good one and it may turn her around as much as possible
**************************************
triple it triple it trip-le-it 1! brrrrrrr cha cha cha cha cha cha cha


ba-dum-ching!
Jan 21 2005 1:50AM
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Utahpowderskier
Posts: 1336 - Karma: 14
I totally agree. I have been trying to get her in to a doc becuase they really helped me in the past, but she has got to want to help herself first. I cant make her go. You know what I mean?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but in the end, it doesnt get you anywhere. Write that down.
Jan 21 2005 1:54AM
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soccrskiman05
Posts: 113 - Karma: 13
never been depressed, but just an idea, have her talk with her dying brother. my guess would be he could tell her how much he wants his sister to make the most of her life, to take advantage of the chance at life that he's being robbed of. iv found that people who have the least going for them in their lives can be quite inspiring to others
Jan 21 2005 2:09AM
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SnowKristaL
Posts: 637 - Karma: 15
I am so sorry for your girlfriend, that is absolutely terrible. I think you should definitely get on some meds and some professional help asap, but you're right, she does have to want it first. Maybe doing things with her that include her family would be good. I have felt like I needed to be a rock for my mom and sister through my parents messy divorce but that's not my place, and she needs to realize that she is allowed to grieve, too. And if her mother is going to make her feel guilty about that (conciously or subconciously) it's going to be a lot harder on her. In this sitatuion, everyone is losing someone they love, not one person or the other. I hope for the best...




Stewie: Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch.

It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.
Jan 21 2005 8:42AM
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waterville_NH
Posts: 3411 - Karma: 23
don't put her on meds right away, GET HER TO A PSYCHOLOGIST...i have depression and it helps a lot

______________________________________

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Jan 21 2005 9:54AM
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Utahpowderskier
Posts: 1336 - Karma: 14
thanks for all the help
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but in the end, it doesnt get you anywhere. Write that down.
Jan 21 2005 10:18AM
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SchweitzerSki
Posts: 4479 - Karma: 11
just go about suggesting these things to her. if she refuses tell her that it's for the best and she needs help. soccerskiman hit the nail on the head, have her talk to her brother. she may feel amazingly better and may be able to come to terms with it depending on how it goes. i hope for the best but i just really encourage you to do as much as you can to get her some pro. help. if she refuses, that's okay too just try to ease her into it. tell her you will go with her and help her find a good psych because i'm sure your opinion matters to her. try not to divulge all of your time into her though because it's possible for her to become dependant on you in so many ways and it could get pretty bad that way. hope everything turns out for the best
**************************************
triple it triple it trip-le-it 1! brrrrrrr cha cha cha cha cha cha cha


ba-dum-ching!
Jan 21 2005 10:51AM
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manus
Posts: 1427 - Karma: 10
if she'll go, a psychologist is your and her best bet (they don't prescribe meds - meds can lead to life long dependancy which isn't always needed). However, the best thing you can do is be ther efor her, and try to get her involved in her normal routine as much as possible. Get her out and socializing (to whatever extent she feels comfortable), you'de be amazed how much it can help.


life is too short to have any regrets
Jan 21 2005 11:27AM
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El.Capitan
Posts: 654 - Karma: 11
aww i feel sorry for u guys ; ( im sorry



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Jan 21 2005 11:45AM
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KingShit
Posts: 4483 - Karma: 7
Do not get her on prozak, that is an easy way out and will fuck her up more then help her out in the long run.

-People say marijuana ruins your life, I just say I take the scenic route-

-Theory-3 Breath and Stop-
Jan 21 2005 12:19PM
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SnowKristaL
Posts: 637 - Karma: 15
I have been on a very mild anti-depressant called Lexapro for a long time and it just helps stabalizes moods. It's not as heavy and doesn't do nearly as much as Prozac...and maybe that's a good thing. If you're looking to try anti-depressants, you may want to ask about Lexapro. It's only 10 mg and does wonders.




Stewie: Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch.

It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.
Jan 21 2005 2:52PM
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ScratchCobra66
Posts: 3688 - Karma: 11
Dude get her out and about before her brother dies, if possible get her brother to come along. Keep calling her and asking her to do stuff, and try as hard as possible to get her to talk with her brother. Best of wishes brah, ill be praying for you and her family. But just know that in the end everything gets better.


i dont really have a life, but i am lazy. and i got sick of weeding through all you peoples shit cause... basically im smarter than you.
- Crystal-Needs-a-Park
Jan 21 2005 3:58PM
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ECboarder698
Posts: 192 - Karma: 10
thats so sad dude. my gf went through something similar. you just gotta keep being there for her. tell her you wont leave/u arent going anywhere. hesitant about the meds, but that might be the only thing to help her; seems really bad. try and ge her mind off it. if she keeps thking about her brother, she'll get worse.
Jan 21 2005 4:02PM
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*ELLA*
Posts: 1628 - Karma: 11
I hate to say this but while her brother is deteriorating she won't get over it... it'll be after his death that she will be able to come to terms with everything thats happenned. Excercise is a huge stress releaver. When you run for a long enoughtime your body releases a hormone that basically puts you on a natural high. Go to the gym with her to work out in the morning, she'll get through the days better. Also pshyciatrists are good if she wants to go
~Ella





Question authority and live for yourself



Ella and Lauren: changing teenaged boys lives since 2001.
Jan 21 2005 4:42PM
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incarnate
Posts: 127 - Karma: 10
If i were u i would just get her to listen to some good music that she likes, that will help her cope with the situatiion. Try to solve the root of the problem. Her brother is dyeing, she is probly sad because she thinks he will miss out on all the wonderful opportunities life has to offer. I would just tell her to go out and actually DO things with her brother. Ride on a rollercoaster, get drunk, base jump, walks on a beach or something. If its inevitable that her brother will die soon she mine as well live life to the fullest with him instead of being sad about it. I mean, lets say she goes on like this, sulking over the fact that her brother could pass away any day now. Eventually, when he does pass away, she will feel as if she never had a chance to do anything fun in life and she will make herself feel as though she didnt help him through his rough times. As for the pill poping alternative, i think its a bad idea personally. Drugs will help you through minor problems but having such a close relative being near death is a bit to serious to just take medication and forget about. I hope she gets better.
Jan 21 2005 5:13PM
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highfive
Posts: 3087 - Karma: 11
tell her to start cutting herself. she might feel better.


Matching Special Blend Jacket and Foursquare Snowpants for Sale
^^^^It's BRAND NEW. NEVER BEEN WORN!
Jan 21 2005 5:13PM
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ScratchCobra66
Posts: 3688 - Karma: 11
^ Dude dont be a fucking dolt. This is serious, how would you feel if this was happening to you?


i dont really have a life, but i am lazy. and i got sick of weeding through all you peoples shit cause... basically im smarter than you.
- Crystal-Needs-a-Park
Jan 21 2005 5:22PM
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*ELLA*
Posts: 1628 - Karma: 11
yea highfive shut up.... incarnate i think your name is. people who are so close to dying of cancer are usually bound to the hospital bed so going out isnt always so easy, try some crazy video games or something
~Ella





Question authority and live for yourself



Ella and Lauren: changing teenaged boys lives since 2001.
Jan 21 2005 6:07PM
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fizzlefry
Posts: 4662 - Karma: 15
prozac is the shit. its so rad
� � � � � � � � � � � �
Jan 21 2005 7:06PM
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Utahpowderskier
Posts: 1336 - Karma: 14
I dont think that she wants to take any meds. I agree with her. i think that meds are great if there is a chemical imbalance or something, but I dont think that its a good idea for her right now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but in the end, it doesnt get you anywhere. Write that down.
Jan 21 2005 7:11PM
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highfive
Posts: 3087 - Karma: 11
ok, maybe i was being a bit inconsiderate. i know what its like to have family members dieing/die of cancer. i just dont let it phase me because it seems half of them die of that shit anyways... but dont ever give meds to people who are not having a chemical imbalance. the meds could just fuck them up even more. heres a really good hint: have sex!

that usually gets their minds off of things. unless youre bad.... but thats another story. if shes too depressed to do that then.... do something romantic, chick digs that shit.


Matching Special Blend Jacket and Foursquare Snowpants for Sale
^^^^It's BRAND NEW. NEVER BEEN WORN!
Jan 21 2005 7:41PM
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Utahpowderskier
Posts: 1336 - Karma: 14
whatever. just stop posting please.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but in the end, it doesnt get you anywhere. Write that down.
Jan 21 2005 7:42PM
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french_fry
Posts: 4698 - Karma: 53
I have a friend whose mom was dying of cancer 2 years ago, the kid was an ass when his mom was ill but then she died and he looked much better afterwards, its just gonna take her awhile to recover and grieve, but she's gonna be fine, especially becuz you seem like your helping her a lot.


Gravity sucks

Today I met my biggest challenge. I had to take a piss in a moving bus.
(My real ID is french_hucker)
Jan 21 2005 7:44PM
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ECboarder698
Posts: 192 - Karma: 10
ooh...i agree with the working out idea. that tends to relieve a lot of stress. swimming is good to. just try and get her out. keep being there for her.
Jan 22 2005 10:55AM
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SteezePatrol
Posts: 10281 - Karma: 36
the people of newschoolers probably shouldn't be your main source of info... but from what I can see, the excercise thing sounds good, and definetely, definetely get help from a Profesional.
Sheldon
Jan 22 2005 11:00AM
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Anathema
Posts: 21048 - Karma: 5,061
that sucks. Do what lanks said. Routine baby.



yeah, rockin' the heartagram.

...ccr/dfp represent


feel the rush
Jan 22 2005 12:54PM
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Von
Posts: 4869 - Karma: 21
i slit my wrists it helps
-------------------------------------
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4

eggs and bacon double steezy if you pleezy

you know when you see a bum and he tells you he's Jesus he probobly is so give him some cash all right

Jan 22 2005 2:35PM
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SchweitzerSki
Posts: 4479 - Karma: 11
^^i said that you idiot. ^that's a fucked up thing to say.
hows it goin? have you been helping her? getting her out and stuff
**************************************
triple it triple it trip-le-it 1! brrrrrrr cha cha cha cha cha cha cha


ba-dum-ching!
Jan 22 2005 2:40PM
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Utahpowderskier
Posts: 1336 - Karma: 14
Thanks for all the tips guys. Shes still pretty low, but we are doing some things that are helping out a ton. I started to take her with me to the gym and she has actually gone skiing with me a couple times. Once again, thanks to everyone who posted legit stuff, and for those who said any cutting remarks, fuck you heartless bastards. I would never wish this situation on anyone, but you come pretty damn close.

p.s. Newschoolers is not my only form of getting info to base my decisions on, rather just a whole bunch of people that share my interests. No more, no less.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but in the end, it doesnt get you anywhere. Write that down.
Jan 24 2005 10:33PM
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CTripper
Posts: 6520 - Karma: 20
did you know today is the most depressed day of the year?
-chris
Jan 24 2005 10:43PM
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SkierDave
Posts: 435 - Karma: 10
i dunno why you say prozac's just gonna screw her over in the lawn run?
I was on Celexa for about a year and that was good but wore off fast and did nothing.

I've been on Prozac 20mg now and its helping so much, counceling is good too.

I thought I was one messed up child getting depression at only 15 years old and for no reason at all to strike it.
then my parents forgot they never told me that depression runs deep in both sides of my family. Thanks mucho.
---------------
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Jan 24 2005 11:22PM
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Jasmine
Posts: 1489 - Karma: 10
best of luck to her. man, if my brother were dying of cancer, i think i might be depressed for the rest of my life too.



Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly
proclaiming...'Wow! What a ride!'
Jan 24 2005 11:26PM
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manus
Posts: 1427 - Karma: 10
SkierDave, I know personally, the reason I would not suggest going to a Psychiatrist (the ones that medicate) is because the medications they normally prescribe are not taken for a month and then gone. Most prescriptions from Psychiatrists are long term presriptions. When issues with depression arrise from loss, the potential loss, sickness, and generally traumatic events, they can normally be worked out without the need to medicate. While medications will help some people properly (those that have long term issues), many people get prescriptions that only act as a band-aid, and the issues never really get worked out, and now you are taking a presription for a long term.

Glad to hear you are getting her active though, it should help a bunch.


life is too short to have any regrets
Jan 28 2005 10:10AM
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Sinister
Posts: 1456 - Karma: 10
Man, just...good luck to her and her bro. Is it like a terminal cancer? You should get her to do interesting stuff, as most of the people say, but also, i think she should spend some time with his bro, you kow, talking and that stuff. It really sucks, but at least it's not an unexpected death, you two should get ready for the day he passes away. Don't get me wrong, tho. maybe there's a chance he'll survive. If she's religious, God could help too. Don't give her too much time to think by herself, try to have someone be always by her side. That's what i recommend. Time is a good healer, too.
And i'm really sorry for u guys. When this shit happens, you tend to ask urself many questions...Good luck. And take care of her. And him.
--------
I like to let myself getting carried away,
if that's a problem, I'll try another way
to get in this awfully full parkingway
I can't see the end of the street
Give me a joint, and I might be
here or there, right or left wing
I don't care, just give it to me.
L.A. Alexander 1689-1744
Jan 28 2005 10:34AM
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squawsmoker
Posts: 243 - Karma: 10
if hes gonna die anyway, start doing crazy shit with him and his sis. like bungy jumping and skydiving and shit. oh yeah and skiing. my best friend died cuz he fell off his skate and now i know hes stoked on the progress i've made in skiing. so tell her that one day, she'll be able to talk to him but she just wont be able to hear him talk back.

'I think of chances I didn’t take
I try to learn from my mistakes, yeah
I’m tired of being pushed around now
Life ain’t gonna drag me down now
Yeah, I’m gonna live before I die

So close your eyes and embrace your memories, your memories
Leave your troubles and your worries far behind, so far behind
Stop contemplating and start celebrating
Yeah you gotta live before you die
Before you die, before you die'
-Social D-

Feb 1 2005 2:56PM
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skiicanda1
Posts: 225 - Karma: 10
dude that sucks. i got super depressed after my dad died and then again after my friend died in a car wreck. all i can say is it really helps to know that youre not alone and someone will help you thru it. and it sounds like you are being a good friend. try to distract her, skiing, going to movies and just fun stuff. i would stay away from getting drunk if she is unhappy because that can only intesify those depressed feelings making everything seem so much worse. i know it might sound dumb but everything does tend to get better with time, i will take a while tho.
Feb 1 2005 3:32PM
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Utahpowderskier
Posts: 1336 - Karma: 14
thanks everyone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but in the end, it doesnt get you anywhere. Write that down.
Feb 1 2005 4:17PM
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TheWorst
Posts: 7883 - Karma: 17
yea man get her to see a doctor they can counsel her and hook her up with some sweet anti depressant medication
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

When your not sure about something, just HUCK IT!
Feb 2 2005 8:25PM
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Tiffy
Posts: 872 - Karma: 10
Trying to be the support/rock for her mom is a nice idea, but it's really bad for her. Before she can help anyone else, she needs to help herself. While it's good to take her out and do things to take her mind off the situation, she also needs to deal with what's going on and what she's feeling. Suppressing her feelings and trying to forget about what's going on works only for a short while. She really should talk to someone about it, someone professional. The best way to get rid of what she's feeling is letting it out, talking about it or writing it in a journal. People that don't care to put their burden on someone else sometimes find it easier to write it in a journal because by putting it down on paper it feels like you've gotten it out and you can leave it.
Oh snap Whistler rocked my socks.
Feb 2 2005 9:05PM
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DrGonzo729
Posts: 1312 - Karma: 10
my cousin killed himself a few years ago, i dont know how my other cousins, his brothers and sisters live everyday, i was all torn up for a while after that but eventually you just come to terms with it. Like someone else said, just tell her how much it would mean to her brother if she made the best of her life.
Feb 2 2005 9:14PM
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DrGonzo729
Posts: 1312 - Karma: 10
actually it was in Utah where do you live in utah?
he was from Provo
Feb 2 2005 9:17PM
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TheWorst
Posts: 7883 - Karma: 17
man that really sucks... my friends older brother got in a car accident and killed 2 of his close friends and he went threw the windshield and ended up stuck on a fence on teh side of the road... he was in a coma for like a week and when he woke up he asked if they could put him back to sleep... haha
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

When your not sure about something, just HUCK IT!
Feb 2 2005 9:48PM
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Utahpowderskier
Posts: 1336 - Karma: 14
Im from Salt Lake.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but in the end, it doesnt get you anywhere. Write that down.
Feb 2 2005 11:28PM
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