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October, 2024

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"The Onion" headlines if it was a skiing website

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BBurt
Posts: 1588 - Karma: 3,779
I'll start
"Vail installs new 20 seater chairlift"
"Liftie decides not to stop lift when area man falls down"
"Area mom enjoys view from vantage point on knuckle"
"Despite all odds, majority of people still think they can find a table in the lodge during lunchtime"
Jan 3 2016 8:19PM
165 24
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Deforestation
Posts: 1606 - Karma: 3,194
So basically extreme sarcasm? Ok

"OP receives world record from Guinness for best post on NS"
Jan 3 2016 8:21PM
7 5
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theBearJew
Posts: 10951 - Karma: 15,633
"Alta to add a new lift this winter to take skiers to Chads gap from the bottom of Alta."
Jan 3 2016 8:29PM
12 0
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.FRY.
Posts: 5620 - Karma: 22,861
SJW has a massive dick
Jan 3 2016 8:30PM
10 1
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theBearJew
Posts: 10951 - Karma: 15,633
"Alta ski patrol has blow up all of the plans for the new Chads Gap lift"
Jan 3 2016 8:31PM
9 0
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BBurt
Posts: 1588 - Karma: 3,779
Isis_rocksSo basically extreme sarcasm? Ok

"OP receives world record from Guinness for best post on NS"


So like your NS name?
Jan 3 2016 8:34PM
2 4
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gnar_whal
Posts: 1286 - Karma: 3,787
"The Real Reason Tanner Broke His Ankles: He wasn't Wearing Full Tilts"
Jan 3 2016 8:40PM
8 0
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270on420out
Posts: 7508 - Karma: 51,054
"NSG goes 24 hours without a political argument"
Jan 3 2016 8:50PM
11 0
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crotchvent
Posts: 1527 - Karma: 2,184
Secret hut in the woods at Colorado ski resort contains a drug cartel.
Jan 3 2016 8:55PM
8 0
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stinky_cheese
Posts: 1220 - Karma: 5,172
"Mr. Bishop avoids getting drunk in the latest on the road with mr. bishop episode"
Jan 3 2016 8:57PM
7 0
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gnar_whal
Posts: 1286 - Karma: 3,787
"Gus Kenworthy was 'Just Kidding' About Being Gay"
Jan 3 2016 9:29PM
18 0
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Rennis_Deynolds
Posts: 2739 - Karma: 19,058
Gus Kenworthy Wins a date with Nick Goepper
Jan 3 2016 9:45PM
13 0
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ModMommy
Posts: 10815 - Karma: 57,160
Check out the "Radical Radish" articles ;)
Jan 3 2016 9:48PM
2 1
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Chubz.
Posts: 13918 - Karma: 25,661
Dennis_ReynoldsGus Kenworthy Wins a date with Nick Goepper


LOL
Jan 3 2016 10:20PM
2 0
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Swandog7
Posts: 4955 - Karma: 9,021
"Nick Goepper calls Wetzels Pretzels for a sponsorship"
Jan 3 2016 10:37PM
1 0
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Deforestation
Posts: 1606 - Karma: 3,194
BBurtSo like your NS name?


That didn't make any sense...
Jan 3 2016 11:29PM
0 5
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Spagett+
Posts: 3499 - Karma: 14,884
op sucks 1 million dicks and doesn't seem to be slowing down anytime soon.
Jan 3 2016 11:42PM
6 1
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theabortionator
Posts: 51642 - Karma: 162,229
"things and stuff and things and stuff"
Jan 4 2016 1:21AM
2 1
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soulskier
Posts: 17806 - Karma: 3,841
Avid gaper describes his 2016 season as "mediocre at best"
Jan 4 2016 1:27AM
6 0
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Yaraelpoof.png
Posts: 1556 - Karma: 6,418
Skiers Say "we actually like when snowboarders sit in the run"
Jan 4 2016 10:15AM
1 1
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S.J.W
Posts: 7609 - Karma: 31,185
LaFa joins the blood crew to legitimize their ganster skiing
Jan 4 2016 11:23AM
3 0
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CluckaChuck
Posts: 1541 - Karma: 734
African American skier claims, "Ski Patrol less racist than last season." Ski patrol refused to comment.
Jan 4 2016 12:31PM
4 0
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no_steeze
Posts: 23992 - Karma: 4,272
"Vail Resorts lowers lift ticket prices"
Jan 4 2016 1:07PM
0 0
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SPUTnik.
Posts: 1487 - Karma: 2,555
"Local teens heckle texan who is "just trying enjoy his vacation.""
Jan 4 2016 1:23PM
4 0
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freestyler540
Posts: 13083 - Karma: 18,720
Salomon invents the new ski saucers and revolutionizes skiing AGAIN

The year free-skiing actually took off, 1998 in whistler and 2000 for the rest of the world, the Salomon's first commercially twin tipped ski was the all time favorite. Before the 1080 ski, most skiers relied on "red-neck" approaches such as melting the tail off a cheap ski or just went for it anyway. But after Salomon released the first real twin tip ski, every single company ripped the idea from them and patented them, making the ski industry a free for all grabs on designing another failing ski.

But the head at product development has dropped the bomb on the freeskiing community that they have created a ski that is lifted all around the ski. " Our team had to add more tips for our next model for the 12 year old rich park rats to want for Christmas. So we ultimatly designed a ski that is tipped everywhere...like where else could be add more tips."
"The did the front and back...then didnt on the rocker2, then did again for the new Salomon SB 108." added the representative.

Fans online have mixed reviews about the prelimanairy concept. "Its stupid. It looks like a bath tub" Said one user. "These thing are snow accumulators. Bravo! added another. But parents of rich snobby children are not deterred. "These are the things my son has been begging me for. If he doesnt get them, how would be compete to be the best?" one concerned mother stated.

But Salomon is not setting a release date yet. It claims " fuck you man, come up with your own ideas first before selling them". The feeling is described as never skied a day in your life for 800US.

freestyler540 reporting
Jan 4 2016 4:43PM
2 0
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freestyler540
Posts: 13083 - Karma: 18,720
Whistler Donated Snow from Glacier
to help struggling resorts

The East Coast is finally receiving snow in the most unconscionable way; transplant 3 million tons of snow from neighboring Pentiction to resorts in Ontario, Vermont, Massachusetts, Maine, Quebec and maritime regions. The generous move was accomplished by the board of directors of Whistler and the Mayor of Pentiction with the approval from the Premiere of BC and Justin Trudeau calling the act "a truly happy day for all Canadians".

"Have you seen how much is out there?" pointed out the HR officer. "We came to tears to see millions of skier in the East Coast deprived from such a great resource." People in Penticton don't really even need all that snow because they see it year round and just got fed up moving it off the streets. "Yeah, it feels great to contribute something to our folks out east. I mean the BC government if literally giving it away to Nestle."

The cost of the move will come from nowhere. A mess of politicians threw the ball around, got drunk and charged the taxpayer as a business meeting. " Helicopters would be the coolest way to move the snow" stated the Treasurer during last meeting. Official have reassured us that the mob had nothing to do with this.

Freestyler540 reporting
Jan 4 2016 4:58PM
3 0
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Chubz.
Posts: 13918 - Karma: 25,661
sklar is set now yo hahah
Jan 4 2016 5:20PM
0 0
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Newschoolers55
Posts: 851 - Karma: 4,792
Skier called last run, everything went fine.
Jan 4 2016 5:31PM
2 1
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Thom4s
Posts: 213 - Karma: 1,079
"Skier does not complain about poor waxing after messing up on a rail"
Jan 4 2016 5:38PM
1 0
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