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My friend is a chronic Liar , Need advice!

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weedoo
Posts: 650 - Karma: 1,848
Hey guys, my friend and I have been pretty close for years now but the more time we hang out, its becoming more and more evident that he really is lying for a lot of things ( stuff like he was going to play college basketball in the States when we were just entering high school, we I've in Canada so that would be a huge deal) total lie as well as a bunch of other things. I'm really not sure on how to handle the situation. Should I talk to him about it? Should I just stop talking to him? I'm thinking that it may actually be some sort of disorder of personality or he may just be insecure. Thank you for any feedback! This has been on my mind for a while.
Dec 22 2015 2:55PM
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.Hugo.
Posts: 17360 - Karma: 28,488
I have 2 friends that lie about everything. I just call em out every time.
Dec 22 2015 3:07PM
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weedoo
Posts: 650 - Karma: 1,848
Fred_BearI have 2 friends that lie about everything. I just call em out every time.

I try man, still, he goes with the lie :/ thanks for the feedback
Dec 22 2015 3:11PM
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saskskier
Posts: 4774 - Karma: 10,005
If it's just random bs, call him on it or just let it go. Don't make a big deal of it if he keeps on going on about something you know isn't true.

If there's something more going on, I'd still just avoid drawing further attention to whatever it is he's lying about.

My foster sister of 23 years has FASD, which has majorly impacted her brain development and functioning. When she met a bunch of her college friends 3-4 years ago, almost right off the bat she told them these crazy stories about her past (running drugs for family, my mom made her get an abortion and sent her off to bible school, etc). None of it was true and when her friends found on (around Thanksgiving) it seriously, seriously damaged those relationships. Because her brain doesn't function normally though, she usually doesn't even know she's making stuff up when she's saying it.

I guess what I'm getting at is if you suspect there is any kind of functioning or legit issues, be patient and have a bit of grace. If he's just an idiot and trying to make himself look better, call him on his bs and rag on him a bit (he is your friend after all).
Dec 22 2015 4:08PM
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Mingg
Posts: 13997 - Karma: 49,715
My one roommate from last year was sooooo bad at this. It was never about serious stuff but she would make up and tell these stories soooo much. It pissed me and our friends off after a while but we've learned to embrace it and just make fun of her for it now. They're hilarious.

Examples: One time a boy asked her out on a date, but her parents made a rule that she could date "my parents didn't take the rule seriously... but I did" so instead of a date she brought her brother along and then at the end of the date the guy was trying to hook up with her brother and that's how she turned a boy gay... apparently.

One time she went scuba diving but her mouth was too small for the snorkel thing so she got left behind and she ruined the whole trip and she saw a turtle while she was waiting for her family. She named it squirt and when her parents wouldn't let her bring squirt home she threw a temper tantrum and supposedly snuck squirt into the car, on the plane, and brought it home from Florida.

OH YEAH. And she got into Harvard but she never told her parents because they didn't want her to go there so she applied for fun and got accepting as a undecided student with a full scholarship. She then failed two classes her first semester and was kind of an idiot in school. So there's that.


We made a group chat and named it "story time" because she's always telling stories. Not the best way to go about it but oh well. Just laugh at him when he tells a stupid story/lie like that. And then tell all of your friends how fucking hilarious it was.
Dec 22 2015 4:15PM
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deleted5
Posts: 14507 - Karma: 13,511
I was seeing a girl who lied to me about having a heart condition and needed a heart transplant later this year. That really fucked with my head, I made a lot of sacrifices and did a lot of things for her because of these lies she was telling me she called me multiple days a week telling me her heart hurt and then she was in the hospital being treated.

My new advice drop that friend or tell him if he keeps pulling this crap you will.
Dec 22 2015 4:16PM
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Mingg
Posts: 13997 - Karma: 49,715
MinggWe made a group chat and named it "story time" because she's always telling stories. Not the best way to go about it but oh well. Just laugh at him when he tells a stupid story/lie like that. And then tell all of your friends how fucking hilarious it was.


One time she even lied about her dad dying in 9-11 and then he showed up at our dorm and we were like wow we thought you were dead and he was like no I'm alive. Then she told us that this dad was not her real dad but she never met her real dad. But she showed us pictures of her dad and her before 9-11 when she was telling us her sob story.

OH AND ONE TIME she supposedly had sex in the stairwell and lounge of the dorms with a black dude and she took it up the butt so that she wouldn't get pregnant and thats how she lost her virginity. But then a week later she said it never happened but then she was telling boys she liked buttstuff and it was really quit weird. She's shot lmao. Okay I'm done now.
Dec 22 2015 4:18PM
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270on420out
Posts: 7519 - Karma: 51,245
Everyone's a liar when theyre young
Dec 22 2015 4:23PM
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PeppermillReno
Posts: 4873 - Karma: -826
Lying is not cool be a man of your word and do everything you say you will do and you will have plenty of paper and be able to do whatever the fuck you want.
Dec 22 2015 4:24PM
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_Ryan_
Posts: 1538 - Karma: 3,192
when he makes something up just make something even more outrageous up and roll with that lie... Eg
" dude I almost went to go play college basketball in grade 10"

"oh no way man, last year i got offered a scholarship to yale to play rugby but my parents wouldn't let me go"

See how he reacts when you start making up random bullshit all the time.
Dec 22 2015 4:28PM
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weedoo
Posts: 650 - Karma: 1,848
Thank you all for the feedback!
Dec 22 2015 5:12PM
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18mellison
Posts: 8 - Karma: 28
Haha i got one friend who is exactly this. Any chance he gets to make himself seem just the little bit more cool, he takes. I have been friends with him for many years, and i dont hesitate to call him out on every one. some of them he sticks with the lie but other times he just replies with "Dude i was just kidding". Eh, what can you do.
Dec 22 2015 6:07PM
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theabortionator
Posts: 52051 - Karma: 167,341
I hate that shit. Obviously there are some things that are off limits, but I'm pretty honest about everything unless I'm just fucking with somebody, and then it's generally pretty obvious, and if they don't get it I tell them I'm fucking with them.

But yeah. Sometimes I call people out, sometimes I just listen and see where they go with it. I've heard some pretty epic tales. Sometimes it's fun to just listen and see how dumb they really think I am.

It sucks if they're your friends though. It kind of throws up a huge trust barrier imo, which kind of keeps you from being too close of friends. Sometimes those people aren't too reliable either because if they don't show up to something they've got some wild tale about what happened ready to go.

Sometimes when you call people out though they'll stay straight faced and continue with it, digging it deeper. It's crazy af.

Fuck lying though, not as bad as stealing but come on people.
Dec 23 2015 3:32PM
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James.May
Posts: 494 - Karma: 321
BOOST!
Dec 23 2015 3:37PM
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soulskier
Posts: 17806 - Karma: 3,841
Some ridiculous one up manship might help him realize that he's being a douche
Dec 23 2015 3:56PM
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Huck_Norris
Posts: 11487 - Karma: 18,627
Call him out. Tell him to stop being such a "Liam" .(one letter away from liar but any name will do). Tell him you know he's making shit up.

After that, anytime he is obviously lying be all "lol yeah ok, whatever you say Liam" as a way to let him know you know he's full of shit without being confrontational about it.

If he keeps it up get more aggressive but not "letting it go" and friendly shit talking can definitely help coach friends in the right direction. We dudes generally ridicule each other into proper human beings after all so my vote is to stick with healthy ribbing.
Dec 23 2015 4:46PM
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vailsux.com
Posts: 1769 - Karma: 440
If you're really his friend you'll kick him square in the balls next time.
Dec 23 2015 4:53PM
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first_rodeo
Posts: 2385 - Karma: 7,781
Huck_NorrisCall him out. We dudes generally ridicule each other into proper human beings after all so my vote is to stick with healthy ribbing.


THIS
Dec 23 2015 5:11PM
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cbj
Posts: 2114 - Karma: 1,136
Interpretive dance

Dec 23 2015 5:22PM
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Pachankz
Posts: 729 - Karma: 838
weedooHey guys, my friend and I have been pretty close for years now but the more time we hang out, its becoming more and more evident that he really is lying for a lot of things ( stuff like he was going to play college basketball in the States when we were just entering high school, we I've in Canada so that would be a huge deal) total lie as well as a bunch of other things. I'm really not sure on how to handle the situation. Should I talk to him about it? Should I just stop talking to him? I'm thinking that it may actually be some sort of disorder of personality or he may just be insecure. Thank you for any feedback! This has been on my mind for a while.


Your guess is correct. Pathological lying is linked to personality disorders. Do a Wikipedia search for pathological lying.
Dec 23 2015 6:52PM
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crotchvent
Posts: 1527 - Karma: 2,184
I have a friend who went to student health becaise hebthoughybhe had strep and they evidently told him he had stomach cancer and abnormally large balls. He kept this is havery cancer thing up for about a month and went to all this differentime doctor's and guess what no cancer.
Another time he told everyone he was going to prison for driving with. A suspended license. This was the ay after he got the ticket.
Dec 23 2015 7:05PM
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juicedrummer11
Posts: 1960 - Karma: 1,331
i used to know some people back in the day that were sooo bad at this. even if it was obvious for everyone in the room. once i realized they would never stop, i used to bring up subjects where my expertise was far superior than theirs in actuality, like skiing, or golf, or obscure stuff just to see where they would take it. then i would get into the details and see how far fetched their stories would get, then you get to watch them squirm and fidget and they will keep going no matter what. i would go so far as to ask them things like the brand of their skis for example. they would reply something stupid like burton and thats when you just drop a casual, "oh i thought that was only a snowboard brand" and watch them try and double back on their story. it would be pretty entertaining by the end of it they would be describing something completely different than they were at the beginning.
Dec 23 2015 7:37PM
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Snowgoner
Posts: 5047 - Karma: 965
I have had multiple friends over the years who lie about stupid shit. I have one friend who we called out constantly for lying and eventually he stopped for the most part. However this guy still drops a lie or two once in a while. Another kid that I have been friends with for nearly my whole life has always been know to tell wild tales. I never call him on it though, because I don't really feel as comfortable attacking the front he has created for himself. I tend to just zone out and not engage him when he starts telling me some ridiculous story that I know isn't true. People who lie about things tend to be extremely insecure. Insecure people are defensive, and hard to confront. They feel that the only way to draw attention/affection is by making up these stories.
Dec 23 2015 8:36PM
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bait
Posts: 1226 - Karma: 3,581
talk to him about it and ask him why tf hes always lying
Dec 23 2015 8:40PM
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theabortionator
Posts: 52051 - Karma: 167,341
There's a guy I used to work with that lied all the time about everything. He owned a hayabusa 2600 and used to race it down the interstate. Nobody ever saw his bike obviously. Then it turned into a 3600 at some point.

Anyway, he's no in jail for rape. Coincidence? I think not.

Lying, not even once
Dec 23 2015 11:05PM
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yungsteeze
Posts: 673 - Karma: 1,969
PeppermillRenoLying is not cool be a man of your word and do everything you say you will do and you will have plenty of paper and be able to do whatever the fuck you want.


lol u sound like a fuckin g. keep ballin out son.
Dec 23 2015 11:14PM
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kevinherrera26
Posts: 23 - Karma: 27
I have a friend who does this also. I have also resorted to calling him out, or ignoring his lies which is what he is using to try to get attention. When I call him out i do infant of lots of people so he gets embarrassed, also when I ignore him hell often repeat himself to try to get a response, I will give little to no recognition so he doesn't get what he wanted. I find it helps a bit.
Dec 24 2015 2:10AM
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NinetyFour
Posts: 8650 - Karma: 13,411
Ahh, the classic compulsive liar.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pathological_lying

I feel like the more of them you meet the easier they are to deal with. I've met several, one of my first encounters being a childhood friend's dad who was a near homeless, dirty, chain smoking fuck. He always claimed absurd shit, for example that he was a pilot in WW2 and an Indy Car driver. He wasn't even old enough to have been a WW2 pilot, and the only racing he ever did was to the 7-11 for smokes. So anyways from experience of putting up with this guy and others I've established some methods for dealing with them.

Firstly if you're 1 on 1 calling them out is fairly useless, they'll come up with some more horse shit to throw at you and it will be even more frustrating. It's best to just note what they say, and use the phrase, "oh, yeah," in reply to deflect them. From here if you have an established group of known good mutual friends, then you need to be hanging out with these people and talk behind the problem person's back about their bullshitery.

Next you want to actually call them out but it's best to do so in a group setting so you have others to lean on for a rock solid defence against all of the dumb shit they talk about. As above if you're on the same terms with the other people in the group it's that much easier to call them out. Ultimately the goal is to be more convincing than their lies, and getting them to realize that they're a lying bastard. Anyone who goes against you and agrees with the compulsive liar is seriously undermining your effort of reform; the liar at this point will start to believe their own delusional crap and it just gets even worse.

Sooner or later there's no way for these people to keep it up when no one takes them serious anymore. At this point you've hopefully snapped them back onto a path of a normal mindset; one where they actually see their own bullshit for how absurd it is, not one where they're best bros with Luke Skywalker... If they surpass this they're probably just going to be a scumbag for life and it's probably just best to deal with them as little as possible in most settings.
Dec 24 2015 8:53AM
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DanielPlainview
Posts: 391 - Karma: 1,707
The best way to stop people from doing this is to stop showing interest in their story. Calling them out is only going to make them lie more, but just sounding bored when someone is telling some outlandish tale is a very obvious way of saying you dont believe them or care.
Dec 24 2015 11:28AM
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emejohn
Posts: 121 - Karma: 425
There's this friend of mine who was talking to me about how he got a job at the local cinema without realizing that a couple of his/my friends also worked there. So later I told them he got a job where they work, and they asked there boss who didn't know a thing. To make it even worse he would go on social media saying how much he hated the job, and then would even talk to me about his job. He still doesn't know.
Dec 24 2015 4:01PM
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TRVP_ANGEL
Posts: 12554 - Karma: 116,910
omg why did u write this story about me. I never lie
Jan 24 2018 11:49AM
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weedoo
Posts: 650 - Karma: 1,848
TRVP_ANGELomg why did u write this story about me. I never lie

My bad :(
Jan 26 2018 4:02PM
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JmckR
Posts: 1305 - Karma: 5,854
Not sure how many of you US/Canada boys will get this...

Jan 26 2018 5:02PM
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k-rob
Posts: 14217 - Karma: 2,892
every time he tells a story just be like" yeah that sounds true" but super sarcastically so he knows you know h'es lying and everyone does too na dsuddenly you aren't friends anymore but what kind of friend is a chronic liar anyways?
Jan 30 2018 1:44AM
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J_Christoph
Posts: 2519 - Karma: 8,755
Anyone seen the Kristen Wiig SNL skit about this?

Anyways, I’ve definitely seen good things come from calling the person out on it, but doing my best to do it in private where they have no need to keep the act up in front of any other eyes. That’s when honest conversations have their best chance. That being said, sometimes there’s just not a lot you can do (as a lot of these responses have talked about) and you may have to just make the decision of whether or not to walk away for your personal health.
Jan 30 2018 1:58AM
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DirtYStylE
Posts: 3652 - Karma: 8,891
You should pee in his Cheerios each time he lies
Jan 31 2018 4:57PM
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weedoo
Posts: 650 - Karma: 1,848
I know I’m not helping my point but let this thread die for the love all things good
Jan 31 2018 7:36PM
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DirtYStylE
Posts: 3652 - Karma: 8,891
weedooI know I’m not helping my point but let this thread die for the love all things good


If only you didn't write this comment on opposite day...
Feb 1 2018 5:00PM
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Mingg
Posts: 13997 - Karma: 49,715
weedooI know I’m not helping my point but let this thread die for the love all things good


Legends never die.
Feb 3 2018 11:52AM
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