Dealing with depression in others

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Stop posting crap like this, You're the kind of person that brings down NS..

steezybateezyHi NS, so I'm in a bit of a dilemma. My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year, and we have our ups and downs. I really love her, so this is what makes it hard for me but she is dealing with depression or something, I don't know. She breaks down and cries about once a week. She says everybody gets sad and that its normal but I don't think it is. It's normal to be sad every once in a while but not weekly. And she gets sad 0-100 real quick. I beg her to come to therapy sessions with me but she won't do it. I try to help her get better but I just can't seem to do it. And having to cope with her being sad a lot has taken its toll on me, I feel like I'm turning into a caretaker and I have to fix all things for her. I imagine it as this one game on the Xbox Kinect where you are in a glass box under water and all these holes get poked and you have to cover all the holes our you'll drown in the water. I just get overwhelmed sometimes and get major anxiety. And I feel as though when I'm sad and breaking down because of something I have to deal with it myself so I can tend her wounds because she will start crying and getting sad. I don't want to leave her because when she is happy it's amazing and she is such a kind, genuine girl. She's not a total bitch and she's one of the few girls that aren't crazy. She's just sad, and it breaks my heart. NS isn't really the ideal place to look for advice like this, but I guess I just need to vent and look for some answers.

Summary: My girlfriend is dealing with sadness or something, and I don't know what to do about it. Plz help.

Props if you got through the whole thing.

Hey OP, I can see where you're coming from, and it's not an easy problem to deal with. Depression and blah can be difficult to deal with personally and in others. I've struggled with it for parts of my life and I've helped my current girlfriend through similar things, and we're now both happy and carefree and better each other with no plans of ending that haha. It's hard to see your loved ones suffer but if it's meant to be, you can help others and stand by them without a second thought.

All in all, you should just remember it's definitely not your responsibility or your fault (If it is your fault you might want to reevaluate yourself somewhat, but I'm guessing that's not the case haha). That being said, if you really care about her that much and you're committed, by all means stand by her. Most people just want somebody they can rely on/ lean on. Just let her know you're only there to help her and better her, and if that's not enough, encourage her heavily to seek more effective help (I know you mentioned this but I just thought I'd hit it again haha).

But anyways, sometimes it's just stress, there are many stress relieving activities you can do and even if these help less than you think, it'll give her more happy special days and hopefully give her less to stress/think over. Focus on the little things in life, and where you guys find happiness. I know it's hard to do it but just try to break the cycle and think about what you're grateful for and what makes you happy and hopefully it'll steer away from the stress and sadness. Hopefully this helps somehow, best of luck!

And just remember, it almost always gets better! :)

Hello OP!!
I've been struggling with depression for a few years now, and my current boyfriend has dealt with some pretty rough things because of it.
Convincing someone to go to therapy is hard, but being that emotional a& drained isn't normal. She needs some help, and it sounds like you're trying to help.
I think you need to take care of yourself, this is a tough position you're in. Let her know what you are seeing and that you are willing to help her get through it. However, you really need to focus on taking care of yourself. It's clearly having a toll on you. Talk to your therapist, and ask where do you go from here?

best of luck!

When you say she goes from 0-100 real quick does she become manic?

Because she might have bipolar disorder or something similar.

I hope and pray that she'll see someone as this definitely isn't normal.

JAHpowWhen you say she goes from 0-100 real quick does she become manic?

Because she might have bipolar disorder or something similar.

I hope and pray that she'll see someone as this definitely isn't normal.

Yea... just remember there are 2 kinds of girls ones that are medicated and ones that should bee.

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Or OP should start taking those pills that make your dick larger since that would cheer the GF up as well.

yeah that really sucks, i have a friend who was going through the exact same thing, word for word, he had a girlfriend exactly like what you are describing. she was overdramatic, definitely going through depression, and crying almost twice or even three times a week. she is a really good person though. now it's all good in trying to help her, i am behind you on that, but once it reaches the point where she is using you as an anxiety punching bag to relieve her anxiety, thats when you need to seriously talk to her and really try to fix it or even think about ending it (remember you are a person, because my friend forgot this and it really did a toll on his mental state). from what i have read, i think you have reached that point. let me give you one massive piece of advice i wish i had known to give to my friend. if you are going to end it, end it all the way(don't leave any room for "oh it was just a one day thing") because this can cause even more suffering for your girlfriend who might think "oh we are still dating what are you talking about?". so what i'm trying to say is if you want to remain friends, make it clear that you two are only friends, and not still dating. now what my friend did, that is totally fucking him over as i type, he broke it off said they were going to be friends, but then he was too comforting even after the breakup(holding her hand, hugging her, etc) which has now put him in the spot where she thinks they are still dating but he doesn't really want to date her anymore. so its really going to fuck him over.

summary: end it all the way(don't leave any room for "oh we are still dating") or don't end it at all. and i hope this helps you out man.

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You know, you weren't funny from the beginning, but you're starting to cross the line. You were trying to troll on your little alias account, you sucked at it, now you're just being an annoying little child.

Grow up, or find a new forum for your shit.

And this is coming from me. I have a billion useless posts on this site. This guy is in a rough spot, he isn't sure what to do, and he's asking for help. You don't need to care, you don't need to help him, but if you could refrain from being a douche that would be a good start.

OP. Its all up to you honestly. If she's depressed there's nothing you really can do. I mean being there and helping her is good, but you can't really fix whats wrong at least on the depression side of things.

If you think you can make it work, and you're both happy enough together go for it, but it's a tough spot. If it gets to the point where it's putting serious strain on you personally to the point it's unhealthy, there's no shame in walking away. You don't have to stop being friends or anything, but if you need a break it's understandable.

Depression is weird, it doesn't make sense, and there's really nothing magic you can do or say to make her happy all the time. Hopefully this is just a small phase and she gets through it alright, and you guys are happy and killing it.

You're in a tough spot though.

Hopefully things work out. Good luck!

There is honestly no reason a young girl should be this selfish for attention and this thoughtless to her bf. The GF needs to grow the fuck up and keep her shit together or get sent to the mental hospital where they can toss away the key and everyone can move on and forget about her.

She probably doesn't have kids, a mortgage, a high pressure job, or any of the other actual shit that is worth getting sad over just a selfish teenager who wants to soak every possible bit of attention out of others.


OP just remind your gf how selfish she is acting next time she starts this up. Noone wants to be around that crap.

JAHpowWhen you say she goes from 0-100 real quick does she become manic?

Because she might have bipolar disorder or something similar.

I hope and pray that she'll see someone as this definitely isn't normal.

Mania doesn't happen in an instant. A manic state take time to shift into and tends to last for a period of time pending on the person. If she has a decreased need for sleep, isn't sleeping at all, talking rather fast in an uninterruptable manner with sentences strung together without gaps and spaces , is hypersexual, and very impulsive than it may be mania.
But this doesn't sound like it by the description.

PeppermillRenoThere is honestly no reason a young girl should be this selfish for attention and this thoughtless to her bf. The GF needs to grow the fuck up and keep her shit together or get sent to the mental hospital where they can toss away the key and everyone can move on and forget about her.

She probably doesn't have kids, a mortgage, a high pressure job, or any of the other actual shit that is worth getting sad over just a selfish teenager who wants to soak every possible bit of attention out of others.


OP just remind your gf how selfish she is acting next time she starts this up. Noone wants to be around that crap.

you're a dick.

PeppermillRenoThere is honestly no reason a young girl should be this selfish for attention and this thoughtless to her bf. The GF needs to grow the fuck up and keep her shit together or get sent to the mental hospital where they can toss away the key and everyone can move on and forget about her.

She probably doesn't have kids, a mortgage, a high pressure job, or any of the other actual shit that is worth getting sad over just a selfish teenager who wants to soak every possible bit of attention out of others.


OP just remind your gf how selfish she is acting next time she starts this up. Noone wants to be around that crap.

You get a bit crazy on the forums sometimes, but we've had some decent discussions over the years.

I don't know why you have to post stuff like this sometimes though.

I don't think anyone(at least not many people) would try to be sad regularly for attention. I mean there are the facebook statuses like "My life is so bad" so that everyone will post "Omg! No you're so awesome!" and they feel good. But depression is very real and it's a bitch.


The idea that this person or that person has nothing to be sad about so they should grow up is so backward. It's these kinds of views that really hurt progress on understanding depression and dealing with it. You could have a great job, lots of money, and still be horribly depressed. Depression isn't just a "my car broke and I'm sad about it" it's a mental disorder.

I don't know OP, I don't know his gf, but depression is real.

You could actually have everything going really well, be feeling good, life is good, then BOOM you're fucked. You don't know what's going on, anxiety is through the roof, life seems all fucked, you can't make sense of it, and it beats you down.

You can look from the outside and say "Grow up and be happy" but a depressed person literally can't do that. If there was a switch you could pull and magically be happy, people would do that. It's not like people like being depressed and feeling all fucked up.

Depression blows

BortyYou get a bit crazy on the forums sometimes, but we've had some decent discussions over the years.

I don't know why you have to post stuff like this sometimes though.

I don't think anyone(at least not many people) would try to be sad regularly for attention. I mean there are the facebook statuses like "My life is so bad" so that everyone will post "Omg! No you're so awesome!" and they feel good. But depression is very real and it's a bitch.


The idea that this person or that person has nothing to be sad about so they should grow up is so backward. It's these kinds of views that really hurt progress on understanding depression and dealing with it. You could have a great job, lots of money, and still be horribly depressed. Depression isn't just a "my car broke and I'm sad about it" it's a mental disorder.

I don't know OP, I don't know his gf, but depression is real.

You could actually have everything going really well, be feeling good, life is good, then BOOM you're fucked. You don't know what's going on, anxiety is through the roof, life seems all fucked, you can't make sense of it, and it beats you down.

You can look from the outside and say "Grow up and be happy" but a depressed person literally can't do that. If there was a switch you could pull and magically be happy, people would do that. It's not like people like being depressed and feeling all fucked up.

Depression blows

He isn't talking about his own depression. If it was about him I don't respond like a dick Im not trying to kick someone when they are down but its not.


He is talking about the depression of a third party (who probably won't read this so I can be kind of an asshole without directly insulting the girl.)


He should be cutting his losses and moving on and finding someone else.


They probably aren't going to get married or anything. He might waste another 2-3 years of his life with this chick instead of meeting someone else who could be a lot more fun.


And if/when this girl gets dumped OP might as well be brutally honest about it and say its because you start crying for no fucking reason because she might realize that behaving like she has been has negative effects that will make her more sad.


Its up to all of us to create our own realities if someone doesn't want to be a happy person there isn't much a friend or a boyfriend can do to cheer them up.

BortyYou get a bit crazy on the forums sometimes, but we've had some decent discussions over the years.

I don't know why you have to post stuff like this sometimes though.

I don't think anyone(at least not many people) would try to be sad regularly for attention. I mean there are the facebook statuses like "My life is so bad" so that everyone will post "Omg! No you're so awesome!" and they feel good. But depression is very real and it's a bitch.


The idea that this person or that person has nothing to be sad about so they should grow up is so backward. It's these kinds of views that really hurt progress on understanding depression and dealing with it. You could have a great job, lots of money, and still be horribly depressed. Depression isn't just a "my car broke and I'm sad about it" it's a mental disorder.

I don't know OP, I don't know his gf, but depression is real.

You could actually have everything going really well, be feeling good, life is good, then BOOM you're fucked. You don't know what's going on, anxiety is through the roof, life seems all fucked, you can't make sense of it, and it beats you down.

You can look from the outside and say "Grow up and be happy" but a depressed person literally can't do that. If there was a switch you could pull and magically be happy, people would do that. It's not like people like being depressed and feeling all fucked up.

Depression blows

He isn't talking about his own depression. If it was about him I don't respond like a dick Im not trying to kick someone when they are down but its not.


He is talking about the depression of a third party (who probably won't read this so I can be kind of an asshole without directly insulting the girl.)


He should be cutting his losses and moving on and finding someone else.


They probably aren't going to get married or anything. He might waste another 2-3 years of his life with this chick instead of meeting someone else who could be a lot more fun.


And if/when this girl gets dumped OP might as well be brutally honest about it and say its because you start crying for no fucking reason because she might realize that behaving like she has been has negative effects that will make her more sad.


Its up to all of us to create our own realities if someone doesn't want to be a happy person there isn't much a friend or a boyfriend can do to cheer them up.

PeppermillRenoHe isn't talking about his own depression. If it was about him I don't respond like a dick Im not trying to kick someone when they are down but its not.


He is talking about the depression of a third party (who probably won't read this so I can be kind of an asshole without directly insulting the girl.)


He should be cutting his losses and moving on and finding someone else.


They probably aren't going to get married or anything. He might waste another 2-3 years of his life with this chick instead of meeting someone else who could be a lot more fun.


And if/when this girl gets dumped OP might as well be brutally honest about it and say its because you start crying for no fucking reason because she might realize that behaving like she has been has negative effects that will make her more sad.


Its up to all of us to create our own realities if someone doesn't want to be a happy person there isn't much a friend or a boyfriend can do to cheer them up.

For the most part it didn't seem like people were suggesting he needed to spend forever with her, and if he broke up with her he was a bad person. We also don't really know enough about the situation, and probably don't need to know anyway. Maybe she'll pull through. Plenty of people are depressed short term, and are fine after.

He likes the girl, and wants to keep things going, and was just wondering what to do, probably more internal and posting as an outlet than anything else.

And it's unlikely at best that she doesn't want to be happy.

BortyFor the most part it didn't seem like people were suggesting he needed to spend forever with her, and if he broke up with her he was a bad person. We also don't really know enough about the situation, and probably don't need to know anyway. Maybe she'll pull through. Plenty of people are depressed short term, and are fine after.

He likes the girl, and wants to keep things going, and was just wondering what to do, probably more internal and posting as an outlet than anything else.

And it's unlikely at best that she doesn't want to be happy.

Thats true.


OP will figure it out. But he has to think about himself not owing some chick anything because he doesn't want to make her depression worse.

The thing is if she had a boyfriend who was a total asshole she might be afraid to do shit like start crying because he'd tell her to gtfo and she'd be forced into being happier to not lose her BF but since OP is a nice guy she maybe takes advantage of that.

That is the stuff OP should think about would she be acting like this around another dude.


We don't know but its very hard to cheer up someone who doesn't want to be. Couple of my old roomates are like this and we'd live together early 20s and you couldn't get them to go to a bar on the weekends to hit on chicks and these were kids who scooped more women than me at some point back in the day. Or college friends who thought it was cool to be all woe is me when they were living rent and responsbility free witht heir parents paying everything while I had to work part time jobs student loans etc and sell drugs to have spending money. Now they are 30 year old dudes with seriously hideous girl friends and the same lame ass job and probably only a buck an hour raise. I definitely was a good influence trying to drag them out on a weekend and saying cheer the fuck up.


I've lost my shit before and been sent to the hospital for psychiatric evaluation and all that see what a serious pile of shit it is and am still furious at my mom for doing that to me when I just couldn't add up my dollars and cents and pay rent and get by and was a little bit down so I do not take a glass is half full view of that type of stuff or the help that is out there. Makes me skin crawl to think that she had me in Mass General talking to some cuntrag pakistani doctor with a 20k Patek Philleppe watch asking me all these stupid ass questions about how I feel and my marijuana usage. Such bullshit. FUCK OFF. Same lady used to threaten to not drive me to my hockey games as a kid unless I took the concerta she thought I needed to make me play better because I had 'add' but she was really a weird ass helicopter parent who couldn't handle her only kid coming home with 'Cs' his his reportcard or smoking some weed. It is all a load of horse shit and people need to look inside and create their own realities as I said. Its taken me a long time to forgive my mother for doing that type of shit and trying to drug me but I have mannaged to.

I never dated anyone who was depressed or anything. But my best friend through middle and high school was really depressed. She leaned on me a lot and after a while, I couldn't do anything for her anymore. I gave her every possible piece of advice that I could and it just wasn't helping. It sucked. It took a lot out of me. She needed help that I couldn't give her but I wanted to be that help, you know?

When it comes down to it, she needs a professional to help her. Go with her. Help her as much as you can, but you need to take care of yourself as well. I don't mean to offend anyone, but depression can rub off on people. I was around her everyday, all day. I starting thinking like she did and ended up in a really bad spot. If that happens then you gotta distance yourself or you'll just end up on the same road as she is. The best thing and the only thing that will fix it is if she gets professional help.

I really hope things start to look up for you and her soon!!

Thanks you guys, you all have really helped me understand what's going on my girls head. I am still gonna have to work on it, try to convince her to go to therapy but I know it will only work if she accepts it and wants to go. Tonight she broke down crying after sex for no reason, I thought it was a different crazy weird orgasm but she was breaking down for no reason. I talked to her about it and she doesn't know why. She still says its normal for people to do that, but I strongly disagree with that. Except in the case of depression, but when I asked her if she thought she might struggle with depression (which probably is not something to ask) she said there was no way she was dealing with depression. I just want her to be happy, I want her to be stress free. Thanks again guys, I got to see the side of NS I have never seen. Thank you for helping me with my endeavor.

steezybateezyThanks you guys, you all have really helped me understand what's going on my girls head. I am still gonna have to work on it, try to convince her to go to therapy but I know it will only work if she accepts it and wants to go. Tonight she broke down crying after sex for no reason, I thought it was a different crazy weird orgasm but she was breaking down for no reason. I talked to her about it and she doesn't know why. She still says its normal for people to do that, but I strongly disagree with that. Except in the case of depression, but when I asked her if she thought she might struggle with depression (which probably is not something to ask) she said there was no way she was dealing with depression. I just want her to be happy, I want her to be stress free. Thanks again guys, I got to see the side of NS I have never seen. Thank you for helping me with my endeavor.

That's a bummer man.

Unfortunately it's something that's kind of up to the person. I'm not a doctor(obviously) and I don't know her, but it's one of those things where if somebody doesn't believe they have a problem it can be tough.

I've had a few friends and even a relative that had some severe problems but would go off meds, or believed they didn't have any problems. It's hard enough getting help, and figuring things out sometimes even if you know there's a problem, and are trying to correct it. If somebody doesn't see that there's anything wrong, that's a whole additional battle.

NS keeps growing, it's always "changing" but it's still the same for the most part. Old members leave, and new ones come in, but it's still a community. We all make fun of each other, and are a dick sometimes, but in the end, we're all here for the same reason. We all get stoked to get out on the slopes, so for the most part, any time a member is in a tough spot people are pretty decent. Obviously there are some people that will be dicks no matter what, but a lot of people on here genuinely care about the other people on here, and making sure they're doing well.

Does your GF ski at all? If so maybe some powder therapy can help. Maybe not, but that's good for at least fixing some things.

The best thing you can do is be supportive of her. Show concern, but don't be aggressive. If it turns into a situation where you think she might be a danger to herself or others, then it is time to take a more aggressive approach. But forcing someone to go to therapy can make her depression even worse. I think you are handling it well, asking her if she wants to go to therapy with you. Continue to ask her this, but don't be pushy. Tell her that you think she is depressed, and that you don't like seeing her the way she is. Ask her if she has noticed anything in changes in behavior, as this can often be a realization of sorts for her. Point out (when the time is right) the sorts of behavior that you have been noticing. Talk to her family and friends and see if they have noticed anything. I wouldn't suggest an intervention, as this could be extremely overwhelming for her.

Depression sucks more than a Dyson. I have dealt with it for the past ~6 years, and just within the last year it has gotten to the point where I don't need to be on medication and have cut back on how often I need to go to therapy. I'm not saying that everyone has this same prognosis; some can be longer and some can be much much shorter.

I hope at least some of this help and that your girlfriend can get better.

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This is the exact reason that mental illness is still extremely stigmatized in the US. Get educated

I've been in a similar situation where I had to deal with my mom's depression as well as my own. It got really exhausting trying to handle everything during school and I just struggled a lot under the stress. Just make sure she knows that you care for her and that you will be there for her when it gets hard. Don't just stay quiet about it though, express yourself fully, no reason to keep things weighing you down. Hope things get better for you man.

My advice would be to stop trying to get her to go to therapy. If you've asked her and she says no then it won't help trying to push the issue, she might end up going to to keep you happy but then the therapy will be useless since she won't really want to be there.

I think the best thing you can do right now is be her rock, let her know that you are there for her and the fact that she is upset doesnt make you love her any less. Then i would focus on that, tell her how awesome she is and how you'll love her no matter what etc - its important that you are happy around her, be positive and hope that that rubs off on her (its obviously not that easy).

The next thing i would think about is if she has started any new medication - in particular contraceptive medication. There are different types and i know they change your hormones and can fuck with girls mood sometimes, its a common side effect. If she has changed / started a new contraceptive pill (like within the last year) it might be worth her talking to her doctor to see if she could switch to a different type (due to the side effects).

rudeboyMy advice would be to stop trying to get her to go to therapy. If you've asked her and she says no then it won't help trying to push the issue, she might end up going to to keep you happy but then the therapy will be useless since she won't really want to be there.

I think the best thing you can do right now is be her rock, let her know that you are there for her and the fact that she is upset doesnt make you love her any less. Then i would focus on that, tell her how awesome she is and how you'll love her no matter what etc - its important that you are happy around her, be positive and hope that that rubs off on her (its obviously not that easy).

The next thing i would think about is if she has started any new medication - in particular contraceptive medication. There are different types and i know they change your hormones and can fuck with girls mood sometimes, its a common side effect. If she has changed / started a new contraceptive pill (like within the last year) it might be worth her talking to her doctor to see if she could switch to a different type (due to the side effects).

Why are you so preoccupied on this chick and not the OP who seems like a really solid dude who is in a tough situation.

Closest I've come to this type of situation is that I've 2x had sex with girls who had boyfriends (one time while abroad and he was an ocean away) who after finding out about me or the girl trying to dump them threatened suicide. Ive had to listen in on a mother of some fucking loser calling a poor 19 year old girl a whore and her breaking down and crying because her bf wants to kill himself because she tried to end the relationship.

OP has spent enough time thinking about his girl and not enough thinking about himself. OP Im not telling you what to do at all just its time to start thinking about certain things if shit is this bad (would she act this way around another man who isn't nice like you or is she taking advantage of your kind nature or if you want to be dealing with this bullshit when shes 10 years older 30 pounds heavier and leaving her means paying child support.)

GL whatever you chose (tell her you just want to be friends but can still hook up) but just realize you don't owe this girl a damned thing and please look out for yourself first and foremost. Shes probably not going to dump you so if you want out you have to make the move yourself. GL.

PeppermillRenoWhy are you so preoccupied on this chick and not the OP who seems like a really solid dude who is in a tough situation.

Because she's the one with the issues.. She's the source of the problem, in a way. If she starts to get better, OP won't be in that situation anymore.

Well Op im think I might be depressed sometimes havent told anyone maybe I just get buthurt over evry thing 9/20 couldnt handle it without skiing anyway what I would do is see a pro therapist get anti depressents get more sun and kiss more ass and do stuff out side even if you already are double it. Good luck Op.

welcome to the world of women. just try your best.

I just looked at your profile and saw you're a muslim in the middle east! luck is in your favour my friend!
all you have to do is tell her she's serving allah, and if she misbehaves she will be stoned. problems solved!

rudeboyThe next thing i would think about is if she has started any new medication - in particular contraceptive medication. There are different types and i know they change your hormones and can fuck with girls mood sometimes, its a common side effect. If she has changed / started a new contraceptive pill (like within the last year) it might be worth her talking to her doctor to see if she could switch to a different type (due to the side effects).

She is on the daily birth control pill, but she's been on the same one for over two years. Would the side effects go away by then?

PeppermillReno(would she act this way around another man who isn't nice like you or is she taking advantage of your kind nature or if you want to be dealing with this bullshit when shes 10 years older 30 pounds heavier and leaving her means paying child support.)

She said that she was sad a lot more than she is with me when she was with her prior boyfriend. She said when she would start to cry he would just leave and go home. I don't know why she stayed with him for as long as she did, he was a real douche. So I guess to answer your question, yes, she does act like that around another man that's not as cool as me.

steezybateezyShe is on the daily birth control pill, but she's been on the same one for over two years. Would the side effects go away by then?

here's a great resource on depression caused by BC