Speed problems with jumps

So I was hitting this 125ft jump switch just chillin for a bit when i started noticing that the past few times i had hit the jump I had completely overshot and missed the landing to flat. i put this down to the fact that I had just recently purchased some new armada pipe janitors from torin yater wallace. Absolutely baffled with the situation i searched my brainy archives to try and come up with an idea to hit the jump with less speed and therefore potentially make the landing. I remember in a chemistry lesson my mate told me brakes make you slow down, which gave me the wise idea to use the brakes

low and behold, thats exactly what i do. at the top of the inrun to my next hit, i put out my phat blunt and toss it away, and then proceed to bend my brake into the snow to increase the friction and thus i have less speed going into the jump. As I am about to drop in to a never experienced prediciment, nick geopper comes out and snakes me and hits me in the nuts really hard. he has done this on numerous occasions, but this one hurt the most because it hit a little bit of the dick as well and a lot of nuts.

Anyway so i go to drop in wanting to prove myself but i am in so much pain that i am not really focussing on whats going on and am a bit delerious. unknown to me i had taken off into a near by mogul course at about 80mph. as i launch off the first mogul my stuck break digs in and rips my ski off, sending me the entire length of the mogul course onto the landing of the last jump, after an accidental huge superm,an fronty. I skied down to the lift forgetting what had happened and Toy Boy Toyben skis up to me doing his stupid little swivvle thing that he does in the pow and said in this really stupid voice "oh yeah bro sik" and im like yeah whatever man (he was just being a plain old nuscance as always). I brush it off and continue skiing with henrik for the rest of the day but the lesson here is that you shouldnt buy pipe cleaners because they are more suited for gs rather than park