Sky.Shrooms can be tricky man, my first trip was absolutely insane. They can range from a good time with friends, to the destruction of your ego in a not so friendly way. A trip can range from gentle visuals and a silly heads space all the way too, I've gone insane, who am i?, am I real?, is this real?, when will this end?, it's never ending..., ok I've gone insane I have to accept this, what's my name? What is a name? Why? Watching oneself die from a god view and accepting it. I was 16 my first trip and was way under prepared I wanted to see funny shit, instead I saw the very fabric of my "soul" become unwoven, at one point I was absolutely convinced I had committed some eternal sin that was unforgivable and my current state was punishment for what I had done. I was completly catatonic for about 3 hours which litterally felt like multiple lifetimes words can't describe the feeling of having your ego obliterated, and this is comming from a kid who oozed confidence. My experience may be unique who knows?
A strong shroom trip can change ones perception of reality for life, or it can be a fun night laughing like a retard.
Yeah, losing your ego can by terrifying? Are you a Christian or do you hold onto any belief system? I’m only asking because you seemed to by convinced that you would be eternally punished for what you did. Your belief system can cause you to have barriers to entry, which makes it very hard for your mind to let go. Most of the time you just give up.
Losing your ego is terrifying but all you have to do is go with the flow and not fight it. If you fight it you are in for a very long and terrifying ride.