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December, 2024

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Bored at work tell me a joke

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snapped
Posts: 109 - Karma: 252
Sitting in a dead hotel rental shop while WSSF is going off everywhere else.. Tell me a joke NS

inb4 TBK ski co
Apr 10 2015 8:18PM
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Ghoster
Posts: 261 - Karma: 1,871
Your life
Apr 10 2015 8:20PM
23 1
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shotvet
Posts: 302 - Karma: 1,614
Why did the elephants get kicked out of the swimming pool????















They kept dropping their trunks...
Apr 10 2015 8:22PM
18 1
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stinky_cheese
Posts: 1221 - Karma: 5,173
GhosterYour life


op getting #rekt
Apr 10 2015 8:23PM
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snapped
Posts: 109 - Karma: 252
stinky_peteop getting #rekt


Guess the worst part is I actually laughed..
In another note how are you in every thread writing #rekt
Apr 10 2015 8:27PM
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rballs_
Posts: 709 - Karma: 2,992
What's the difference between a priest and acne?

Acne waits until you're 12 to come on your face.
Apr 10 2015 8:41PM
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OP_has_Aids
Posts: 183 - Karma: 837
GhosterYour life


10/10

Your dreams
Apr 10 2015 8:49PM
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S.J.W
Posts: 7609 - Karma: 31,171
Since you're in Canada.

Have you ever thought why the maple leafs suck?because their name is fucking maple leaf. Hockey is one of the toughest games out there and you call your team maple leafs. That's not fucking scary. That makes two dudes butt fucking in the middle of Mardi grass look like a steal cage match. Maple leafs are the least scariest thing ever. They create fucking maple syrup. Change your name leafs and you might actually win a game
Apr 10 2015 9:12PM
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OzzyJ
Posts: 723 - Karma: 927
UglyboySince you're in Canada.

Have you ever thought why the maple leafs suck?because their name is fucking maple leaf. Hockey is one of the toughest games out there and you call your team maple leafs. That's not fucking scary. That makes two dudes butt fucking in the middle of Mardi grass look like a steal cage match. Maple leafs are the least scariest thing ever. They create fucking maple syrup. Change your name leafs and you might actually win a game


Hate to break it to you but they don't use maple leaves to make maple syrup.
Apr 10 2015 10:24PM
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OzzyJ
Posts: 723 - Karma: 927
OzzyJHate to break it to you but they don't use maple leaves to make maple syrup.


sorry for dub post but I thought about it and if you think about it scientifically the leaves allow the trunk to grow which provides the sap for syrup so in a roundabout way maple leaves do make syrup but it is actually just the phloem in the tree that provide sap.
Apr 10 2015 10:26PM
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S.J.W
Posts: 7609 - Karma: 31,171
OzzyJHate to break it to you but they don't use maple leaves to make maple syrup.


Don't read too much into the actual science behind the joke. But that joke killed it in Montreal when said it.
Apr 10 2015 10:45PM
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spliff.Life
Posts: 7847 - Karma: 1,549
Leaves?
Apr 10 2015 10:48PM
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rudager
Posts: 11336 - Karma: 4,641
What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?







I wouldn't let a lentil on my face
Apr 10 2015 11:13PM
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Anathema
Posts: 21048 - Karma: 5,062
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinocerus

elephino (shrugs)


it's funnier to say in person, ok
Apr 10 2015 11:20PM
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GayWolf420
Posts: 37733 - Karma: 124,460
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender then calmly explains to the horse that he cannot be here because bars are no places for horses. Then the bartender promptly escorts the horse out of the bar and calls animal control.
Apr 10 2015 11:21PM
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ESAND
Posts: 1607 - Karma: 744
AnathemaWhat do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinocerus

elephino (shrugs)


it's funnier to say in person, ok


That joke cracked me up when I heared it for the first time in December.

It doesn't really work on the Internet though.
Apr 11 2015 12:17AM
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SFB
Posts: 8895 - Karma: 26,356
what do you call a bird that sticks to your jacket??














































A VEL_CROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Apr 11 2015 1:24AM
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lcoopman
Posts: 275 - Karma: 1,842
Q: Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil?






















A: Because it's pointless.
Apr 11 2015 2:30AM
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Chubz.
Posts: 13918 - Karma: 25,667
rballs_What's the difference between a priest and acne?

Acne waits until you're 12 to come on your face.


Hahaha
Apr 11 2015 2:55AM
1 1
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LightSyde
Posts: 104 - Karma: 169
Why are black people so tall?
Because their knee-grows
Apr 11 2015 10:15AM
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nutz.
Posts: 3150 - Karma: 6,717
UglyboyDon't read too much into the actual science behind the joke. But that joke killed it in Montreal when said it.


I'm in montreal and that joke sure didn't kill me!

Way too long and not remotely funny ahaha (and i'm not even a leafs fan), they were probably just being nice to an out of towner
Apr 11 2015 10:24AM
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S.J.W
Posts: 7609 - Karma: 31,171
nutz.I'm in montreal and that joke sure didn't kill me!

Way too long and not remotely funny ahaha (and i'm not even a leafs fan), they were probably just being nice to an out of towner


I swear it's funnier when delivered right
Apr 11 2015 10:54AM
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VD.
Posts: 4054 - Karma: 4,565
There’s only one phrase that I really want to learn in sign language...

'I hear what you’re saying.'
Apr 11 2015 11:16AM
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Charlie_Kelly
Posts: 11955 - Karma: 12,302
My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.

How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altarboy.

Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand up.

What do you call a woman who thinks she can do anything a man can do? Wrong.

How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None,they just sit in the dark and bitch.

How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.

inb4 dingosean
Apr 11 2015 2:08PM
19 1
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lcoopman
Posts: 275 - Karma: 1,842
A guy in the locker room saw another guy with a piece of cork up his ass.
''Why do you have a cork up your ass?''
''Well, it's a long story. But one day I was walking on the beach and I tripped over a bottle and woke up a genie who said he would grant me one wish. I said, 'No s**t!'''
Apr 12 2015 1:06AM
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CheesusChrist
Posts: 159 - Karma: 346
Not really a 'joke' but I geeked the fuck out when I saw on Yik yak yesterday:

"Kissing makes my whole day, anal makes my hole weak"
Apr 26 2015 8:27AM
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no_steeze
Posts: 23992 - Karma: 4,274
Two Chinese guys walk into a bar. The bartender says "why the same face?"
Apr 26 2015 12:10PM
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Nikolaus
Posts: 863 - Karma: 1,000
your penis
Apr 26 2015 3:58PM
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fresh_prince
Posts: 993 - Karma: 11,910
snappedGuess the worst part is I actually laughed..
In another note how are you in every thread writing #rekt

#rekt
Apr 26 2015 5:40PM
2 0
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lcoopman
Posts: 275 - Karma: 1,842
Q: What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?













A: "We better get some support before someone thinks we're nuts!"
Apr 26 2015 5:56PM
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proZach
Posts: 7163 - Karma: 919
what's Mario's favorite pair of pants?









denim denim denim



why didn't the skeleton go to prom?









he had no body to go with



whats a pirates favorite letter?











you think it be the R, but 'tis the C!
Apr 26 2015 8:07PM
2 1
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Cyabski
Posts: 188 - Karma: 803
Did you know Hellen Keller had a doll house in her back yard?.... Neither did she.

Why didn't Hellen Keller drive?.....she was a woman.
Apr 26 2015 11:12PM
3 0
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lcoopman
Posts: 275 - Karma: 1,842
What is Helen Kellers favorite color? Black
Apr 27 2015 12:37AM
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CheesusChrist
Posts: 159 - Karma: 346
What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies? You can't unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork.

What's better than 10 babies in 1 tree? 1 baby in 10 trees.

How do you make a dead baby float? A glass of root bear and 2 scoops of baby.

What's the hardest part about walking through a field of dead babies? Your erection.

How do you get 10 dead babies into a bucket? With a blender.
How do you get them out again? Tortilla chips.
Apr 27 2015 9:58AM
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DayMan
Posts: 4705 - Karma: 8,768
What's the hardest part about eating vegetables?



































The wheelchair.
Apr 27 2015 10:36AM
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steezburgereddie
Posts: 1059 - Karma: 1,945
Whats the best part of 21 year olds?




























There's 20 of them.
Apr 29 2015 10:36PM
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las.
Posts: 1959 - Karma: 1,455
Granite_StateHow many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.


Wrong. The answer is 10 - 1 to change it, and the other 9 to talk about how empowering it was.

How many Marxists does it take to screw in a proletariat lightbulb? None - the proletariat lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
Apr 30 2015 1:44AM
0 1
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Charlie_Kelly
Posts: 11955 - Karma: 12,302
yungmoneyWhat's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies? You can't unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork.

What's better than 10 babies in 1 tree? 1 baby in 10 trees.

How do you make a dead baby float? A glass of root bear and 2 scoops of baby.

What's the hardest part about walking through a field of dead babies? Your erection.

How do you get 10 dead babies into a bucket? With a blender.
How do you get them out again? Tortilla chips.


Whats the difference between a dead baby and a watermelon?


I dont fuck a watermelon before I eat it.


Damn all this dead baby talk gots me all hungries and shyt
Apr 30 2015 12:48PM
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