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Critique my senior project

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cydwhit
Posts: 5070 - Karma: 43,013
Allright, so, I was supposed to make a narrative short film for my senior project for school. I wrote a script and shot this one that was fine but I didn't like it so instead I blew off working on it and made a pseudo-Documentary instead.

Here it be in a rough form: (password: stoke)

https://www.newschoolers.com/videos/watch/765783/Private-Video-on-Vimeo know production quality is weak and honestly I don't care, that's the authentic/homemade vibe I'm shooting for. Basically any input you all have would be dope. Things I've considered: A little Ken Burns on the photos (I don't think I really like that look though) Any changes to edit/whatever would be dope. Thanks M&A!
Apr 8 2015 3:18PM
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SKI.ING
Posts: 2695 - Karma: 2,535
I've liked all of your previous stuff, but I couldn't get past the first two minutes due to the narrative. Life sucks for both of you guys because you are lucky enough to be in school for your passion, a creative passion, and you are able to just take off and do fun stuff on a mountain? Good on you for putting in the work on it, but not for me.
Apr 8 2015 3:57PM
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cydwhit
Posts: 5070 - Karma: 43,013
SKI.INGI've liked all of your previous stuff, but I couldn't get past the first two minutes due to the narrative. Life sucks for both of you guys because you are lucky enough to be in school for your passion, a creative passion, and you are able to just take off and do fun stuff on a mountain? Good on you for putting in the work on it, but not for me.


Haha, dang, sorry it came across as that. That's actually the story arc. It's making fun of those kids who whine and say "school is so hard, I hate me life, I don't have time to do anything cool" Then, if you made it to the end you would see that the point is actually to stop complaining and go do something with your weekend "carpe the weekend,"

Believe me, that is scripted and fake as heck. We know how blessed we are to be in school and get to do this stuff and the point of the film is to inspire other people to be more stoked and do stuff, not to complain about how much our lives suck. Not trying to be the whinny hipster that the general aesthetic of the film has, haha.
Apr 8 2015 4:07PM
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*Nickdel*
Posts: 2264 - Karma: 956
I really enjoyed that. I actually felt a connection to the story
Apr 8 2015 4:41PM
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Sarazen
Posts: 302 - Karma: 2,587
I also enjoyed that. I thought the narration fit well and the homemade vibe definitely helped set the mood. It was easy to relate to and made me want to get up and go do something stupid. I think the photos were fine and Ken Burns might make it a little annoying. Overall solid job.
Apr 8 2015 6:06PM
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LukasSchroeder
Posts: 1460 - Karma: 2,683
SarazenI also enjoyed that. I thought the narration fit well and the homemade vibe definitely helped set the mood. It was easy to relate to and made me want to get up and go do something stupid. I think the photos were fine and Ken Burns might make it a little annoying. Overall solid job.


this exactly!
Apr 8 2015 8:09PM
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wellthisisold
Posts: 840 - Karma: 973
That was solid. Got me hyped for this weekend haha
Apr 8 2015 9:11PM
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cydwhit
Posts: 5070 - Karma: 43,013
*Nickdel*I really enjoyed that. I actually felt a connection to the story


SarazenI also enjoyed that. I thought the narration fit well and the homemade vibe definitely helped set the mood. It was easy to relate to and made me want to get up and go do something stupid. I think the photos were fine and Ken Burns might make it a little annoying. Overall solid job.


Free306skierthis exactly!


Myles.That was solid. Got me hyped for this weekend haha


Thanks dudes! I'm hoping it can motivate some people, haha, just gotta fine tune it
Apr 8 2015 11:15PM
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cydwhit
Posts: 5070 - Karma: 43,013
Also, just FYI, negative stuff would be nice too. It's not as nice on my self esteem but it helps me not suck more
Apr 8 2015 11:16PM
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p.lochner
Posts: 66 - Karma: 67
i really enjoyed watching this video. super dope!
Apr 8 2015 11:27PM
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cydwhit
Posts: 5070 - Karma: 43,013
Tell me what sucks before I turn this in!
Apr 10 2015 10:29AM
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profa_212
Posts: 8912 - Karma: 35,997
cydwhitTell me what sucks before I turn this in!


Other than what ski.ing said I can't think of anything. I understood at the end what you were going for....but at the beginning I thought it was a bit condensending.

I understood the message though so idk if it is really bad ha
Apr 10 2015 11:17PM
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.lencon
Posts: 6753 - Karma: 17,183
cydwhitTell me what sucks before I turn this in!


Cy, you make sick stuff and it doesn't really suck. So kinda hard to find something that does.
Apr 12 2015 8:19PM
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Forcillo
Posts: 3801 - Karma: 3,580
I'll stray from the pack and bash a little I suppose.

I thought the narration was way too inclusive, and every message that you got across with your visuals was explained with a voiceover, and therefore less open to interpretation. The less you tell the audience, the more they can relate to. I also thought that the narration was just really obviously scripted, and clashed with the home grown feel you were going for. There are ways to write that story that would have fit better with the mood of your shots.

It was a good little doc, but there were some things that bugged me as I watched. I liked the message, but just try to leave a little bit for the audience to think about rather than just telling them straight up.
Apr 13 2015 12:02AM
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cydwhit
Posts: 5070 - Karma: 43,013
ForcilloI'll stray from the pack and bash a little I suppose.

I thought the narration was way too inclusive, and every message that you got across with your visuals was explained with a voiceover, and therefore less open to interpretation. The less you tell the audience, the more they can relate to. I also thought that the narration was just really obviously scripted, and clashed with the home grown feel you were going for. There are ways to write that story that would have fit better with the mood of your shots.

It was a good little doc, but there were some things that bugged me as I watched. I liked the message, but just try to leave a little bit for the audience to think about rather than just telling them straight up.


Good to hear! Thanks. I show it to my class tomorrow and I'll get their opinion on a re-write
Apr 13 2015 10:33AM
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cydwhit
Posts: 5070 - Karma: 43,013
Yo!

I took your critiques to heart and talked to my class and teacher and re-cut it.

I don't like the new cut since I don't like my voice so let me know, is this one better than the other?

Password: stoke

https://www.newschoolers.com/videos/watch/767497/Private-Video-on-Vimeo
Apr 20 2015 12:37AM
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