So, I was re-reading the "I pooped on a girl" thread the other day for a good laugh, and it made me think of a story a friend of mine told me, and I thought I would share it. Real or not, it's still pretty funny imo (I'm a horrible storyteller though, sorry guys).
So the guy who told me the story was my basketball coach in like 8th 9th grade, before I stopped playing and started skiing more. He was around 30 years old, and he was a former pro basketball player in Europe. In Europe, basketball isn't quite as popular as it is here, but pro players are still pretty well-off. So here's the story, in my coach's words (it was years ago so I probably forgot some stuff):
"So one Friday night, we didn't have practice or a game, and we had a rest day the next day, so the team decided to go out to a bar. We all cleaned up at our hotel in case we got lucky, and headed down to a popular bar (this was in France somewhere). We arrived at the bar, had some beers and stuff, and talked to some girls. I looked over and my best friend on the team was talking to this chick who was like an 11/10. We were all super surprised, seeing this friend of mine was no model. So about 20 minutes later, my friend comes over and tells us that he's going home with the girl. We all cheered him on, teased him a little, and he and the girl left in a taxi, apparently going to her house. A couple hours later, my friend come sprinting back into the bar, super sweaty and looking absolutely mortified. And this is what he told us went down:
So when they got to the girl's house, they immediately went to the bedroom, and she was ALL over him. At the time all he could think of was how lucky he was, and what was up that a chick so hot would be into him. At the same time though, he said he was feeling like he had to take a dump the size of Jupiter. He held off because he wanted the sex with this girl so badly. This chick starts to go down on him, right, and all he could think about was taking a crap when he was done. So the girls goes about her business, and after a while, she asks him if she can go get something. He was all for it apparently. So she goes into her bathroom, and comes back with anal beads or a butt plug or something of the sort. And all this time, he keeps thinking, how am I so lucky?
He went to take the butt plug from the girl, thinking they were gonna do it in the butt, but she wouldn't let him have it. She said, this is for you. The guy starts to get freak out, because of obvious reasons, but also the fact that he has a turtle head that is about to fly out of his ass at moments notice. The girl was super adamant about it, and how was he supposed to say no to a girl this hot?
So she sticks the butt plug up his ass slowly, and the dude is cringing super hard. And then suddenly, she ripped the plug out at like WARP speed.
And the dude shits everywhere. And when he meant everywhere, he meant it. It was like a Mt. Vesuvius of shit exploded in the bedroom. It was like this girl got new dark brown floorboards, it was so widespread. So the guy is obviously mortified and he grabs his clothes and sprints into the bathroom to clean up. He wipes his ass super quick and throws on his clothes. And he goes back into the bedroom, and he CANNOT believe what he sees.
This 11/10 supermodel chick is on the floor, completely naked, legit rolling in his shit like a pig rolls in the mud. It was all over he back and her chest. It looked like she had just coated herself in chocolate sauce. The floor was smeared in brown like one of weird ass abstract art pieces you see today. So this chick sees him and smiles, gets up, and starts to come towards him. And he does what any logical human does at that point, he runs. And she followed. She sprinted after him down her apartment stairs, and out onto the street, completely naked, coated in crap, screaming the entire time. Being a basketball player, he outran her pretty easily on the street, called a cab, came back to the bar, and told us this wild, disgusting adventure he had just had."
Like I said, I'm aware I'm a horrible storyteller. Is it fake? Probably. Seems like quite the story to make up to tell a couple of 14 and 15 year olds though.
Summary: Dude was gonna bang a hottie, but he shat and she rolled in the crap like a pig.
