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Not falling asleep to pass a drug test

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Al.Capone
Posts: 661 - Karma: 2,779
Well, unfortunately, I have a drug test coming up tomorrow morning and a dude is going to watch me pee. As one realizes they are probably doomed they start to come up with dumb solutions to save themselves. My logic here is this. When you sleep toxins naturally build up overnight as your body is resting, thats why you need to pee in the morning. My drug test is first thing in the morning since I'm going in before school. Would staying up all night and drinking water and coffee help my efforts to not get in trouble? Help me out homies with any tips as this might mean less skiing depending on the results.
Jan 7 2015 12:58AM
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swaggerboi
Posts: 321 - Karma: 1,374
use the middle of the stream
or accuse the guy watching you pee of sexual harassment and sue his pedophile ass
Jan 7 2015 1:12AM
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vandersteeze
Posts: 2650 - Karma: 1,511
Lol
Jan 7 2015 1:16AM
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proZach
Posts: 7163 - Karma: 919
no
Jan 7 2015 1:19AM
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bighomieflock
Posts: 2040 - Karma: 2,445
I'd say just start smoking shit tons of weed. Maybe if you smoke enough it will confuse the drug test.
Jan 7 2015 1:24AM
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eheath
Posts: 61603 - Karma: 123,072
Jan 7 2015 1:47AM
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Static
Posts: 8553 - Karma: 4,089
piss on the guy
Jan 7 2015 1:51AM
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seanahue.
Posts: 2142 - Karma: 3,375
if you have enough time in the morning, get to a head shop that sells the whizzinator. its literally a fake dick that pumps out synthetic urine.

if the whizzinator isn't an option, buy a detox drink. follow the directions EXACTLY. most require you to pee at least three times before your test before you have a 'clean' window, so plan accordingly.

if you don't have time for either of the above, start drinking a shitload of water immediately. anywhere from 1-2 gallons depending on how much time you have. take a bunch of b vitamins. eat a bunch of red meat, or even better, take a creatine supplement if you have some available. piss at least 3-4 times before the test. when you test, pee a little in the toilet first, catch your urine mid-stream, then finish in the toilet. the first and last parts of your stream are the dirtiest (have the most metabolites).

aside from synthetic urine, whether its through a detox drink or your own means, your best hope is to dilute below the 50ng threshold while artificially coloring (with b vitamins) and raising your creatine levels to avoid a suspicious/overly diluted test.

good luck
Jan 7 2015 2:06AM
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MLJ
Posts: 1849 - Karma: 3,649
Good luck either way
Jan 7 2015 3:09AM
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Al.Capone
Posts: 661 - Karma: 2,779
Thanks doods.

Update: Op took the test, is now at school, and is waiting 2 hours for the results to come in. I went midstream but unfortunately passed out so I won't know if my theory stands a chance. I did make the guy feel as uncomfortable as possible though.
Jan 7 2015 9:56AM
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270on420out
Posts: 7508 - Karma: 51,054
Al.CaponeThanks doods.

Update: Op took the test, is now at school, and is waiting 2 hours for the results to come in. I went midstream but unfortunately passed out so I won't know if my theory stands a chance. I did make the guy feel as uncomfortable as possible though.


Did you shake it in his face?
Jan 7 2015 10:04AM
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WPoch
Posts: 1751 - Karma: 3,831
Al.CaponeThanks doods.

Update: Op took the test, is now at school, and is waiting 2 hours for the results to come in. I went midstream but unfortunately passed out so I won't know if my theory stands a chance. I did make the guy feel as uncomfortable as possible though.


Good luck OP
Jan 7 2015 10:13AM
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crotchvent
Posts: 1527 - Karma: 2,184
Al.CaponeThanks doods.

Update: Op took the test, is now at school, and is waiting 2 hours for the results to come in. I went midstream but unfortunately passed out so I won't know if my theory stands a chance. I did make the guy feel as uncomfortable as possible though.


Passed out mid pee?
Jan 7 2015 11:13AM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51643 - Karma: 162,235
Why were you getting tested? What level of school? I would just refuse and tell them to go fuck themselves honestly. If you're applying for a job operating heavy machinery that's one thing, but for school? Fuck that noise.

Even if you fail tell them to go fuck themselves.
Jan 7 2015 11:36AM
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HamFaceGirl
Posts: 5242 - Karma: 2,676
Al.CaponeThanks doods.

Update: Op took the test, is now at school, and is waiting 2 hours for the results to come in. I went midstream but unfortunately passed out so I won't know if my theory stands a chance. I did make the guy feel as uncomfortable as possible though.


lol wut you passed out?
Jan 7 2015 11:38AM
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Turd.Ferguson
Posts: 1437 - Karma: 2,713
definitley waiting for these results
Jan 7 2015 11:51AM
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the.hellion.
Posts: 861 - Karma: 698
No update, OP in jail.
Jan 7 2015 12:31PM
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That_One_Dude
Posts: 1050 - Karma: 760
Very curious on OP's status
Jan 7 2015 12:35PM
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Mr.softcookie
Posts: 233 - Karma: 713
swaggerboiuse the middle of the stream
or accuse the guy watching you pee of sexual harassment and sue his pedophile ass


Best choice.
Jan 7 2015 12:39PM
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Mr.softcookie
Posts: 233 - Karma: 713
swaggerboiuse the middle of the stream
or accuse the guy watching you pee of sexual harassment and sue his pedophile ass


Best choice.
Jan 7 2015 12:40PM
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Turd.Ferguson
Posts: 1437 - Karma: 2,713
the.hellion.No update, OP in jail.


Most likley outcome
Jan 7 2015 1:04PM
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steeze4days
Posts: 358 - Karma: 1,948
This is why you always get pugs instead of drugs kids.


Learn from OP's mistakes
Jan 7 2015 1:10PM
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Toaster-Tony
Posts: 3531 - Karma: 5,850
steeze4daysThis is why you always get pugs instead of drugs kids.


Learn from OP's mistakes


i just do dugs that don't stay in your system.. Like huffing paint or keyboard duster
Jan 7 2015 2:11PM
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Dobber
Posts: 1698 - Karma: 9,834
Well his name suits him well. Poor Al.Capone
Jan 7 2015 3:41PM
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mski
Posts: 4791 - Karma: 3,803
Yah Al, you've got STD's. I think a drug test is the least of your worries.
Jan 7 2015 3:47PM
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ZachAndCheese
Posts: 816 - Karma: 5,116
Should of peed on the guy watching you, fucking rookie mistake
Jan 7 2015 4:30PM
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all-i-do-is=ski
Posts: 700 - Karma: 248
There is only one way to pass. Oil change
Jan 7 2015 4:36PM
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*Frankie*
Posts: 532 - Karma: 703
Tests came back OP is gay
Jan 7 2015 4:54PM
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assatrailz
Posts: 324 - Karma: 745
Drink a cup of bleach 1 hour before you gota take test.
Jan 7 2015 5:16PM
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daOyster
Posts: 329 - Karma: 298
The results are in. You ARE the father. Good luck on the child support.
Jan 7 2015 5:32PM
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MLJ
Posts: 1849 - Karma: 3,649
See ya later OP.
Jan 7 2015 5:34PM
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skier58284
Posts: 1705 - Karma: 5,365
Staticpiss on the guy


The only solution.
Jan 7 2015 5:36PM
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BobsTitsAndAss
Posts: 1 - Karma: -25
Al.CaponeWell, unfortunately, I have a drug test coming up tomorrow morning and a dude is going to watch me pee. As one realizes they are probably doomed they start to come up with dumb solutions to save themselves. My logic here is this. When you sleep toxins naturally build up overnight as your body is resting, thats why you need to pee in the morning. My drug test is first thing in the morning since I'm going in before school. Would staying up all night and drinking water and coffee help my efforts to not get in trouble? Help me out homies with any tips as this might mean less skiing depending on the results.


swaggerboiuse the middle of the stream
or accuse the guy watching you pee of sexual harassment and sue his pedophile ass


If you actually think that staying up one night is gonna get you to pass a drug test you are a fucking moronic retard. Might consider killing yourself. Actually end your life now.
Jan 7 2015 5:47PM
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000000000000
Posts: 843 - Karma: 1,552
If it's ganjola, you need to drink cranberry juice and buy a home drug test.
Get your dumb ass on a treadmill or in a sauna.
Jan 7 2015 5:54PM
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Peter.
Posts: 23796 - Karma: 13,014
RIP in pepperoni OP. enjoy jail
Jan 7 2015 7:26PM
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notspoicey
Posts: 1167 - Karma: 1,706
steam room
Jan 7 2015 7:50PM
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Stinging_Roger
Posts: 298 - Karma: 1,504
Don't drop the soap
Jan 7 2015 7:57PM
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Al.Capone
Posts: 661 - Karma: 2,779
seanahue.good luck

Solid advice, thanks Sean

COOOOPPassed out mid pee?

Haha I passed out last night so i didn't stay up as planned.

theabortionatorWhy were you getting tested? What level of school? I would just refuse and tell them to go fuck themselves honestly.

This is the story, sorry if it's long but I gotta explain it to the newschooler homies. Freshman year I was doing pretty good, a's b's maybe a c and my parents thought it'd be good to put me in a private school here in slc. I'm not rich by any means though I took a test and they hooked up a scholarship so that's why I go there. I'm an average student but they hooked up the scholarship because of my parents income I actually have to work to pay for skiing, food, clothes, etc. So my parents cover the school. Apparently it's easier to get into college from there.
Since it's private though they feel entitled to fuck people over without any basic privileges, like privacy that's why they can drug test I guess. At the end of October I failed and my dad came in to sign a contract agreeing to another test. I know they warned me but I controlled my intake so as not to be dirty for a long time and get it out of my system. The test was due by this Friday before finals. Last time I smoked was New Years and I figured a week would be good to drink water and test clean. This morning the test turned out clean and my dad dropped it off and dipped. The dean called me in and said the test wasn't valid and I have to get a hair test. My dad said when he signed the contract they didn't specify that but the dean is being a prick about it. I told her hair tests were expensive and not I or my dad would pay for it. I tested clean today but she didn't take that into consideration. She says I have to get a hair test now but we're kind of at a stand off since my dad's a homie and also doesn't want a hair test. He says it's excessive and completely unnecessary, I concur. My hair is a good 4/5 inches longer than my shoulders and he's pissed they want me to cut it because it took a long ass time for it to grow and for him to actually like my long hair. They need 100 strands of hair and we're just like fuck that I don't snort cocaine or anything so urine tests should do. Although I tested clean today the school still wants to fuck me over.

Sorry for the long post
Sparknotes: tested clean, now need hair test, I say fuck that.

*Frankie*Tests came back OP is gay

Hey there Frankie how's it's going;)
Jan 7 2015 7:58PM
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Al.Capone
Posts: 661 - Karma: 2,779
BobsTitsAndAssIf you actually think that staying up one night is gonna get you to pass a drug test you are a fucking moronic retard. Might consider killing yourself. Actually end your life now.


I know it sounds stupid but your body does release toxins in its sleep and in the morning your pee is the most contaminated. It's only one night of sleep though it's not a big deal. You fucking shemale- bob's tits and ass? Sorry shemale bob
Jan 7 2015 8:00PM
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Spagett+
Posts: 3499 - Karma: 14,884
Are you a shitty student at the private school? Are they trying to get a reason to kick you out?
Jan 7 2015 8:01PM
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Sky.
Posts: 1158 - Karma: 287
Diabeetoi just do dugs that don't stay in your system.. Like huffing paint or keyboard duster


Luuuuucy luuuuucy I'm home!
Jan 7 2015 8:02PM
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shane.t
Posts: 729 - Karma: 364
Al.CaponeSorry for the long post
Sparknotes: tested clean, now need hair test, I say fuck that.


Hey there Frankie how's it's going;)


Clutch. My parents test me every once in a while but i got some clean piss I just put in there, they have no clue ;)
Jan 7 2015 8:04PM
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timmi
Posts: 12874 - Karma: 3,460
Al.CaponeMy hair is a good 4/5 inches longer than my shoulders


Oh theres why they want you out
Jan 7 2015 8:10PM
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Al.Capone
Posts: 661 - Karma: 2,779
shane.tClutch. My parents test me every once in a while but i got some clean piss I just put in there, they have no clue ;)


Haha hell yeah that's tight, my parents wouldn't even test me. They've found weed twice, over the summer, and last year. They threw it out and gave me a talk but it's mostly because they feel responsible as parents to do that I think, they know I'm not addicted or have used it as a gateway drug or anything. If I was in my twenties with a job and a stable situation I think they wouldn't mind.
Jan 7 2015 8:12PM
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Peter.
Posts: 23796 - Karma: 13,014
Al.CaponeThey need 100 strands of hair and we're just like fuck that I don't snort cocaine or anything so urine tests should do.


hair tests can test for reefer too, which is what i'm assuming they want to do
Jan 7 2015 8:14PM
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Al.Capone
Posts: 661 - Karma: 2,779
timmiOh theres why they want you out


Only reason I grew it was to have that ski bum flow haha, it's wavy though so it looks like 3 inches dry.
Jan 7 2015 8:14PM
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ZachAndCheese
Posts: 816 - Karma: 5,116
Al.CaponeThe dean called me in and said the test wasn't valid and I have to get a hair test.


Only option
Jan 7 2015 8:15PM
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notspoicey
Posts: 1167 - Karma: 1,706
Hair test??? Looks like it's time to bring back frosted tips!
Jan 7 2015 8:15PM
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SupremeDeity
Posts: 695 - Karma: 1,112
just pour some sunny-d into the cup
Jan 7 2015 8:16PM
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Al.Capone
Posts: 661 - Karma: 2,779
North.WestAre you a shitty student at the private school? Are they trying to get a reason to kick you out?


I'm not completely shit, I mean I handle myself. I'd say I'm around average, got a 23 Act and a 2.85 gpa which would get me in the u of u no problem. I kind of have a record I guess. I bought a stolen sweatshirt freshman year(did not steal but did not rat anyone out, it was from the spirit shop. Sophomore year I got caught cheating and completely turned myself in. That was one time though because I wanted to get a good grade and I don't cheat for tests or quizzes, some hw here and there but everyone does that.
Jan 7 2015 8:22PM
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Peter.
Posts: 23796 - Karma: 13,014
Al.CaponeI'm not completely shit, I mean I handle myself. I'd say I'm around average, got a 23 Act and a 2.85 gpa which would get me in the u of u no problem. I kind of have a record I guess. I bought a stolen sweatshirt freshman year(did not steal but did not rat anyone out, it was from the spirit shop. Sophomore year I got caught cheating and completely turned myself in. That was one time though because I wanted to get a good grade and I don't cheat for tests or quizzes, some hw here and there but everyone does that.




just an average joe trying to make it in america
Jan 7 2015 8:24PM
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