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MiklopI had sex in a gondola once, proud moment.
ImmasNot sure you understand, I'm a lift op...
Moon_ShoesIt was an extremely slushy day. I was hot lapping with friends all day long. I was going ham. I didn't want to stop. Around lunch time I became incredibly hungry. I knew I needed to stop and eat. So I went in and got some lunch. I wanted to get out super fast, so I ordered everything to go. On the lift I scarfed it down as fast as I could. An order of fries, a chocolate milkshake, a large burger, a slice of pizza, and an on-the-go bowl of fruit loops. I ate all of that and my friend's leftovers. I then continued skiing. About 3 hours later, I became incredibly sick. I decided to go in to chill for a sec. I was barely off the lift when the pressure struck my anus. I knew I had to book it down the hill. I probably went around 55 down. I didn't even stop at the concrete. I was on my old skis, so I rode them all the way to the front door. I lost my balance while getting my skis off, and began prairie dogging. My defecation baby was crowning. I ran like Usain Bolt into the bathroom while I was pulling down may pants. I reached the stall with my ass hanging out and the bomb went off. I felt a huge feeling of relief come over me. I turned around only to see the aftermath. The seat was covered in diarrhea and dripping onto the floor. A large mothership turd also lied on the seat. I turned around just in time to watch that monster fall onto the floor. This was one of those bathrooms were you could see the floors, and I was afraid someone would see the cesspool I had just created. I took oodles of toilet paper and covered it up. I then wiped my ass so fast I was at risk of getting an anal fissure. I walked out and saw a crowd of people giving me the weirdest look ever. I tried to play it off by being all like "haha wtf happened in there". The only response was "nice". Sorry to the janitor who had to clean that up. It was an accident
ImmasI had sex in gondola once,not my proudest moment.
Mr.SaltyLast weekend I knuckeled a gaper. There was a gaper (age aprox 17 very big guy 6ft 2in and fat) sitting on the knuckle and it was my first time hitting that jump, I came up short and landed on him. It was a hard fall and I think he died on impact. I asked what the fuck he was doing there and before he responds his mom (who had her phone out like she was just filming) starts busting my balls about "safety" and about how it was "all my fault" saying that I should apologize for landing on him. I went off on her saying that her fatass son was a danger to me more than he was to himself. The gaper was now out of his skis and slowly getting up. Only now do I realize that this guy is massive and I start to get scared, so without thinking I push him as hard as I can down the landing so he can't break me in one hit, he falls and starts rolling down the hill and I start side slipping on my heel edge (I snowboard) down the landing. Just before he stops I jump on him and hold him down on his front with his hands behind his back. I tell him that I will only let go after he does two things
1. He promises that he won't kill me when I let go (again this dude is a monster)
2. that he will apologize for endangering me by sitting in the landing and never go in the park again.
After I say that there is silence for a few seconds and I start to feel bad because when he responds he is obviously crying... He apologizes for sitting in the landing and promises that he won't hurt me. At this point I feel like the largest asshole in the entire world. I didn't know how to apologize for what happened because I've never been in a situation where I acted aggressively. So I just left. I'm normally the most chill person and I hate violence. I don't think I'll ever yell at a gaper again.
Mr.SaltyLast weekend I knuckeled a gaper. There was a gaper (age aprox 17 very big guy 6ft 2in and fat) sitting on the knuckle and it was my first time hitting that jump, I came up short and landed on him. It was a hard fall and I think he died on impact. I asked what the fuck he was doing there and before he responds his mom (who had her phone out like she was just filming) starts busting my balls about "safety" and about how it was "all my fault" saying that I should apologize for landing on him. I went off on her saying that her fatass son was a danger to me more than he was to himself. The gaper was now out of his skis and slowly getting up. Only now do I realize that this guy is massive and I start to get scared, so without thinking I push him as hard as I can down the landing so he can't break me in one hit, he falls and starts rolling down the hill and I start side slipping on my heel edge (I snowboard) down the landing. Just before he stops I jump on him and hold him down on his front with his hands behind his back. I tell him that I will only let go after he does two things
1. He promises that he won't kill me when I let go (again this dude is a monster)
2. that he will apologize for endangering me by sitting in the landing and never go in the park again.
After I say that there is silence for a few seconds and I start to feel bad because when he responds he is obviously crying... He apologizes for sitting in the landing and promises that he won't hurt me. At this point I feel like the largest asshole in the entire world. I didn't know how to apologize for what happened because I've never been in a situation where I acted aggressively. So I just left. I'm normally the most chill person and I hate violence. I don't think I'll ever yell at a gaper again.
Mr.SaltyLast weekend I knuckeled a gaper. There was a gaper (age aprox 17 very big guy 6ft 2in and fat) sitting on the knuckle and it was my first time hitting that jump, I came up short and landed on him. It was a hard fall and I think he died on impact. I asked what the fuck he was doing there and before he responds his mom (who had her phone out like she was just filming) starts busting my balls about "safety" and about how it was "all my fault" saying that I should apologize for landing on him. I went off on her saying that her fatass son was a danger to me more than he was to himself. The gaper was now out of his skis and slowly getting up. Only now do I realize that this guy is massive and I start to get scared, so without thinking I push him as hard as I can down the landing so he can't break me in one hit, he falls and starts rolling down the hill and I start side slipping on my heel edge (I snowboard) down the landing. Just before he stops I jump on him and hold him down on his front with his hands behind his back. I tell him that I will only let go after he does two things
1. He promises that he won't kill me when I let go (again this dude is a monster)
2. that he will apologize for endangering me by sitting in the landing and never go in the park again.
After I say that there is silence for a few seconds and I start to feel bad because when he responds he is obviously crying... He apologizes for sitting in the landing and promises that he won't hurt me. At this point I feel like the largest asshole in the entire world. I didn't know how to apologize for what happened because I've never been in a situation where I acted aggressively. So I just left. I'm normally the most chill person and I hate violence. I don't think I'll ever yell at a gaper again.
Moon_ShoesIt was an extremely slushy day. I was hot lapping with friends all day long. I was going ham. I didn't want to stop. Around lunch time I became incredibly hungry. I knew I needed to stop and eat. So I went in and got some lunch. I wanted to get out super fast, so I ordered everything to go. On the lift I scarfed it down as fast as I could. An order of fries, a chocolate milkshake, a large burger, a slice of pizza, and an on-the-go bowl of fruit loops. I ate all of that and my friend's leftovers. I then continued skiing. About 3 hours later, I became incredibly sick. I decided to go in to chill for a sec. I was barely off the lift when the pressure struck my anus. I knew I had to book it down the hill. I probably went around 55 down. I didn't even stop at the concrete. I was on my old skis, so I rode them all the way to the front door. I lost my balance while getting my skis off, and began prairie dogging. My defecation baby was crowning. I ran like Usain Bolt into the bathroom while I was pulling down may pants. I reached the stall with my ass hanging out and the bomb went off. I felt a huge feeling of relief come over me. I turned around only to see the aftermath. The seat was covered in diarrhea and dripping onto the floor. A large mothership turd also lied on the seat. I turned around just in time to watch that monster fall onto the floor. This was one of those bathrooms were you could see the floors, and I was afraid someone would see the cesspool I had just created. I took oodles of toilet paper and covered it up. I then wiped my ass so fast I was at risk of getting an anal fissure. I walked out and saw a crowd of people giving me the weirdest look ever. I tried to play it off by being all like "haha wtf happened in there". The only response was "nice". Sorry to the janitor who had to clean that up. It was an accident
dmskignarballsianm needs to get in here to tell his shit story. every time I think about it I chuckle a little.
ImmasNot sure you understand, I'm a lift op...
Noddardhttps://www.newschoolers.com/watch/736708.0/I-Shit-My-Pants--I-Shit-You-Not?t=6
collin.maloneClassic last run of the night race to the bottom. Being the 15 year old adrenaline junkie I was, my friends and I plotted parts of the course down closed glades. My ski mountain closes at 10 p.m. so keep in mind it is pitch black off the trails. As we made our way into the woods I was in second place. The further in we got the darker it got so i decided to lift up my goggles hoping to improve my vision. As I attempted to make the pass for first, I hit a mogul, got a branch to the eye, and came crashing down on my snowboarding friend who was in first. Since it was a race he yelled at me for crashing into him and finished the race. After lying in the dark for 20 minutes picking chips of wood and leaves out of my eye. I attempted to ski the rest of the way down the mountain. The next day I went to the eye doctor to find out the branch missed my cornia by millimeters. When I tell my friend he won by default, to this day he demands a rematch. The race is scheduled for this winter.
gnarballsianmIf we are talking about pooping your pants, a couple years back I had been shredding with my brother and his friends. The day was ok and we were just messing around looking for fun zones and side hits and stuff, we went in for lunch where our brown bags were. I made the mistake of packing tims jalapeño chips, lets just say these don't sit well with me. After lunch we decided to head out to some of the backcountry stuff, it was really chill and we got super board so we decided to start coloradoing trees. I soon felt some urges of needing to poop, those prairie dog moments. I soon realized this and decided I would venture on alone back the parking lot down the trail where a porta potty was. It started getting really bad and in my haste I soon lost my balance and was in the snow. At this point I could really feel it coming and I started to unzip my coat, my flannel was coming off and my suspenders were coming down while I was skiing. It wasn't enough though, I was just outside the door when I felt it, shit got rowdy man, quite literally, it just happened so quick I smashed open the door but it was a too late. The ripeness of the small was intense. I had to ditch my boxers, my long underwear, my shirt, pretty much anything that touched it was dashed. I smelled pretty rank, ashamed, I made it back down to the lodge where I cleaned myself up. Om the car ride down it smelled terrible, my brother and his friends kept saying, "oh man, it smells like straight shit," eventually I couldn't lie anymore, I just blurted out, "I shit my pants!" the rest of the car ride was hilarious and pretty embarrassing for me. To this day I am known as shitty pants by some of my brothers friends.
csuech_603So last winter I was in training to become a ski instructor, I got to the mountain early before the session started and me and a few of my buddies see that one of the lifts is running (mountain wasn't open yet for the season they just started making snow) so anyway us just wanting to ski decide to get on the lift. We ride up and are stoked to take our first run of the year. The trail was having snow blown on it and was un groomed it was pretty hectic. So I tell my snowboarder friend to go first. He goes apparently the snow wasn't very solid and he digs a tip under a snow making hose and absolutely eats it. So we go down to him and now the snow making crew notices us there and they start screaming, so we book it. We get to the bottom and the head of snow making and the head of ski instructors is there. Needless to say it was very hard to convince him to let us work there. We're fucking idiots
SupremeDeityI accidentally covered all the rails in the park with ketchup
cjakillaskied park on a pow day
*SBCmingg*How do you do that on accident?
WordupVTThis is terrible and still to this day I feel bad about it. Three seasons ago I was skiing on a crossover trail and was sitting on my skis because it's flat af. Anyways I was just cruising along, I turned around for a split second to say something to my friend and all the sudden, there is a five year old girl about 2 feet above my head, upside down. She T-boned me at exactly the right time so my angled legs/bent knees acted like a jump, and catapulted her at least 5 feet in the air. She landed on her side and immediately burst in to tears (which in a way was a good thing because she wasn't KO'd.) Luckily it was her Mom with her instead of the dad but it was not a good scene. I immediately burst into apologies and felt soo bad. The Mom said just leave so I did, but I never knew if she was fully okay or not which killed me. Now I always check carefully when crossing any trail intersection.
