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Help me bully my roommate

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Sharknuts.
Posts: 339 - Karma: 953
My roommate is being a total douche. He is going through a hardo phase right now and its starting to bother the living shit out of me. (He is about 5'4" so it's very ironic that he is acting like Clint Eastwood.)

I'm running out of ideas for names to call him to give him a hard time about acting tough.

So I turn to the clever, witty shit heads on NSG and ask for your help to give my roommate shit.


K+ for good shit
Nov 17 2014 2:24PM
292 43
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miroz
Posts: 10333 - Karma: 3,945
Have you asked him to just respect you and your space/privacy/stuff? I'm not totally sure why what he's doing is any of your business.
Nov 17 2014 2:28PM
9 1
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brotherdad
Posts: 2076 - Karma: 13,067
Get rid of all of the media in your room, (movies, games, netflix) and replace all of it with a singular copy of Dolphin Tale. That ought to soften the shit out of him.
Nov 17 2014 2:29PM
10 0
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sbarlett
Posts: 882 - Karma: 4,255
Start calling him "Lord Farquaad"

Nov 17 2014 2:30PM
43 0
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MWG
Posts: 126 - Karma: 2,213
Just annoy him back. eat his food, wear his clothes, use his computer, If he has something you like use it.
Come Home at like 3am and have a rave

Invest in some speakers and play this song 24/7 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZ5LpwO-An4
you can leave your room and still keep it playing with a youtube with out hitting replay
http://www.tubereplay.com/
Nov 17 2014 2:42PM
4 2
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toastyteenagers
Posts: 1834 - Karma: 6,793
Leave An upper decker
Nov 17 2014 2:44PM
18 0
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Phil-X-
Posts: 7205 - Karma: 14,399
Just do subtle shit that he'll be passive aggressive about...

Flip the roll of toilet paper so it faces the other way

Leave shit in the middle of the hall

Put an annoy-a-tron or w.e. somewhere in his room

Before you leave go into the bathroom and break open a stink bomb, don't close the door or turn a fan on after you leave
Nov 17 2014 2:45PM
3 0
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Dobber
Posts: 1698 - Karma: 9,834
Stab him with a prison shank.
Nov 17 2014 2:53PM
16 0
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SFB
Posts: 8895 - Karma: 26,352
.ttelrab.Start calling him "Lord Farquaad"


this is really your best option op
Nov 17 2014 2:56PM
4 0
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Dobber
Posts: 1698 - Karma: 9,834
Slice his dick off with a butter knife.
Nov 17 2014 2:57PM
6 0
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Tamas
Posts: 550 - Karma: 842
1. get an ignant friend to come over
2. ignant friend gets ignant
3.have your ignant friend pee on his pillow
4. have your ignant friend steal his skateboard
5.profit
6.????
Nov 17 2014 3:21PM
4 0
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Peter.
Posts: 23796 - Karma: 13,014
grind him up and feed him to his parents in chili
Nov 17 2014 3:25PM
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Hamburgaler
Posts: 91 - Karma: 1,452
Put Vagisil in his Hamburger
Nov 17 2014 3:30PM
8 2
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remove
Posts: 2566 - Karma: 1,026
find or make one of those signs that say "you must be this tall to do whatever" and put it in the bathroom or the kitchen and put to use the toilet or microwave.
Nov 17 2014 4:06PM
29 0
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louie.mirags
Posts: 6015 - Karma: 5,029
Beat him up. Or convince him that his toughboy ego is a cover-up for his insecurities and small dick. True or not he'll feel dumb.
Nov 17 2014 4:18PM
2 0
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270on420out
Posts: 7508 - Karma: 51,054
Put photoshopped pics of Clint Eastwood in a gay porno everywhere
Nov 17 2014 4:23PM
18 0
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JAHpow
Posts: 7282 - Karma: 17,176
Humpsfind or make one of those signs that say "you must be this tall to do whatever" and put it in the bathroom or the kitchen and put to use the toilet or microwave.


Now I wish a I had a short roommate to do this to.
Nov 17 2014 4:26PM
4 0
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Turkelton
Posts: 2829 - Karma: 8,558
Because he's a manlet, subtly say things like
"when will they learn?"
or "Short man syndrome"

I actually don't care about height. I think people only pick up on height if they're a douche, same with Lanky people who aren't nice.
Nov 17 2014 4:27PM
1 0
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Sharknuts.
Posts: 339 - Karma: 953
.ttelrab.Start calling him "Lord Farquaad"



Hahaha yes!
Nov 17 2014 4:34PM
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Sharknuts.
Posts: 339 - Karma: 953
Humpsfind or make one of those signs that say "you must be this tall to do whatever" and put it in the bathroom or the kitchen and put to use the toilet or microwave.


Absolutely golden!
Nov 17 2014 4:34PM
0 4
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TZA.
Posts: 1462 - Karma: 181
whats he doing thats making your liffe so hard
Nov 17 2014 4:47PM
0 0
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theabortionator
Posts: 51652 - Karma: 162,279
OP is lame. These threads of "My roommate hurt my feelings and I want to be a douche to him but I'm not even capable of coming up with original thoughts" are lame.


Grow a pair, talk to your roommate, work out your problems, and carry on living.

This isn't middle school OP. If you're going to be a dick at least figure something out on your own.
Nov 17 2014 4:50PM
8 6
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danncphedran
Posts: 1622 - Karma: 1,002
Haha this title sparked my intrest
Nov 17 2014 6:16PM
2 5
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msg
Posts: 1108 - Karma: 3,269
Take his lunch money.
Nov 17 2014 6:19PM
0 0
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.Hugo.
Posts: 17360 - Karma: 28,485
move everything to the top shelf, out of his reach
Nov 17 2014 6:21PM
7 0
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Wampire
Posts: 1217 - Karma: 4,684
intentionally let him walk in on you beating off to a pic of his dad.
Nov 17 2014 6:37PM
11 0
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crotchvent
Posts: 1527 - Karma: 2,184
I'm going to assume you are a poor college student. Go to walmart and buy beans they are dirt cheap. Eat those instead of ramen. Blow the fuck out of the place with your farts.
Nov 17 2014 6:57PM
1 0
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ConfusedSkier
Posts: 8 - Karma: 21
theabortionatorOP is lame. These threads of "My roommate hurt my feelings and I want to be a douche to him but I'm not even capable of coming up with original thoughts" are lame.


Grow a pair, talk to your roommate, work out your problems, and carry on living.

This isn't middle school OP. If you're going to be a dick at least figure something out on your own.


*1000 This. NS is always so passive aggressive about their roommate issue. Things will only get worse if you go behind his back everyday.
Nov 17 2014 6:59PM
2 1
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ZachAndCheese
Posts: 816 - Karma: 5,116
Poor boiling water on his dick tonight while he is asleep and then act like you're asleep too. He will most likely develop erectile dysfunction from the burns. Call him floppy.He will no longer be a "hardo".
Nov 17 2014 8:22PM
5 0
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theabortionator
Posts: 51652 - Karma: 162,279
Also I just realized it's november. This is one of those "I miss living at home and I'm struggling to learn how to live with other people" threads.

You'll figure it out. If not just rent yourself a studio for next year and have your own spot again. Life is definitely easier if you figure out how to deal with people though. You can take some steps to avoid them, but there are a lot of people walking around the world these days and it's pretty likely you're going to run into some. You might not even like all of them, and even worse you might have to deal with people that you don't like.

+ vibes to OP in his time of need.



Seriously though, always a few of these threads at the start of a new college year.
Nov 17 2014 8:45PM
2 0
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Blurst
Posts: 13577 - Karma: 10,169
My roomate just got REALLY fucking mad at me for having a Dart Race Belt Fight tournament for an ultimate frisbee rookie party in his bedroom while he was away, so pretty all much just do that and you will win.
Nov 17 2014 8:48PM
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.Hugo.
Posts: 17360 - Karma: 28,485
ZachAndCheesePoor boiling water


I prefer rich boiling water. None of that pleb shit
Nov 17 2014 8:49PM
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ZachAndCheese
Posts: 816 - Karma: 5,116
.Hugo.I prefer rich boiling water. None of that pleb shit


Lord Farquaad hates fucking peasant water, how could I be so stupid
Nov 17 2014 8:51PM
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ched_der
Posts: 362 - Karma: 867
slay him
Nov 17 2014 9:01PM
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SpookyCat
Posts: 1232 - Karma: -2,617
Grow some balls and quit acting like an immature child by telling him how you really feel about his actions.... by shitting on his bed.
Nov 17 2014 9:18PM
3 2
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Nikolaus
Posts: 863 - Karma: 995
laxatives in coffee
Nov 17 2014 9:29PM
0 0
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Krotchs_Brother
Posts: 1133 - Karma: 3,006
Wampireintentionally let him walk in on you beating off to a pic of his dad.


+k for you my good sir
Nov 17 2014 9:29PM
1 1
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APunx176
Posts: 1189 - Karma: 2,628
Kill his parents, steal his girl, put your dick in his eye socket, let him know how much he is hated.
Nov 17 2014 9:51PM
0 1
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rtl32
Posts: 679 - Karma: 1,161
NickyToorlaxatives in coffee


From my shitty experience with it, coffee is pretty much already a laxative...

Pun intended
Nov 17 2014 10:26PM
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Mingg
Posts: 13977 - Karma: 49,314
Do what my roommate did and masturbate and shave your pubes in his bed
Nov 17 2014 10:27PM
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mhuddy_22
Posts: 313 - Karma: 766
Go to the pet store, buy a tarantula and huge snake, put them in his room out of a cage. See how much of a hard ass he is then.
Nov 17 2014 10:36PM
0 1
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Lus146
Posts: 422 - Karma: 2,282
I am a DARE graduate and I find this offensive.
Nov 17 2014 11:04PM
2 3
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Wampire
Posts: 1217 - Karma: 4,684
MinggDo what my roommate did and masturbate and shave your pubes in his bed


If let ur roommate do that in my bed.

I'm assuming your roommate is female
Nov 18 2014 12:56AM
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xxACIDTRIPxx
Posts: 5980 - Karma: 8,175
Can't annoy if you if hes dead, nomsayin OP?
Nov 18 2014 2:08AM
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Mingg
Posts: 13977 - Karma: 49,314
NzeskibroCan't annoy if you if hes dead, nomsayin OP?


Some colleges will even give you a 4.0 if your roommate dies or kills themselves.
Nov 18 2014 2:21AM
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Bluto
Posts: 25 - Karma: 211
Buy a whole bunch of sheep and let them all live in your apartment.

He'll either get really pissed and move out, or he will stop being a douche and fall in love with one of the sheep.

Your move OP
Nov 18 2014 4:06AM
2 0
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.Hugo.
Posts: 17360 - Karma: 28,485
MinggSome colleges will even give you a 4.0 if your roommate dies or kills themselves.


thats a myth
Nov 18 2014 6:11AM
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Sharknuts.
Posts: 339 - Karma: 953
theabortionatorOP is lame. These threads of "My roommate hurt my feelings and I want to be a douche to him but I'm not even capable of coming up with original thoughts" are lame.


Grow a pair, talk to your roommate, work out your problems, and carry on living.

This isn't middle school OP. If you're going to be a dick at least figure something out on your own.



I'm just looking to give him a hard time. He's my friend and we carry on living just fine. I'm just looking to have some fun and play around. Don't take shit so seriously ya douche.
Nov 18 2014 9:08AM
2 1
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ConfusedSkier
Posts: 8 - Karma: 21
Sharknuts.I'm just looking to give him a hard time. He's my friend and we carry on living just fine. I'm just looking to have some fun and play around. Don't take shit so seriously ya douche.



Haha this thread. I don't even understand what is going on anymore. I'm out.
Nov 18 2014 9:36AM
0 0
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theabortionator
Posts: 51652 - Karma: 162,279
Sharknuts.I'm just looking to give him a hard time. He's my friend and we carry on living just fine. I'm just looking to have some fun and play around. Don't take shit so seriously ya douche.


Lol. Grow a pair and talk to him or boof some drugs and become even mildly creative. Youre failing on all fronts here.

Errrmahhgerd college is so hard. I have to live with a stranger and my mom isnt here to comfort me and make things alright.


;)
Nov 18 2014 10:02AM
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Wrenn
Posts: 226 - Karma: 915
ConfusedSkierHaha this thread. I don't even understand what is going on anymore. I'm out.


You're name fits you perfectly
Nov 18 2014 10:55AM
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