Tripping Balls

From a friend:

"Everything I experienced at this time felt deeply significant like it's meaning was deeper than time and space itself and went beyond anything I had ever experienced before, and it felt like everything I was experiencing then was connected in some way to everything else in the universe in some profound way that I was incapable of understanding. I had very intense deja-vu, feeling like I had experienced all this before, wondering why I was experiencing it again, and feeling like I would continue to experience it again and again forever, although I conceived that other experiences would come intermittently to these.
The whole peak of the trip was intensely fearful, but the emotion would sometimes be beyond definition, at other times it would phase through all possible emotions. I remember starting to scream at times (or maybe chant or sing) and as I was expressing the overpowering emotion (that I was incapable of holding back, it felt as if I was letting loose all the pent up energy of an eternity) my voice would range in pitch and intensity like going from 'oooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa' expressing a variety of sensations I did not really understand.

During this time I would shift in and out of reality sometimes feeling as if I was stretching into eternity, like my existence was being pulled across the whole length of the universe and time; I suppose it was a feeling of transcendence and ego loss. I would feel as if I suddenly fell through reality and these moments would feel like they lasted forever while I was experiencing them, but just as suddenly I would fall back into reality, with a sharp start like someone waking from a nightmare. The whole time my confusion was paramount and my emotions were very extreme. I believe at times my emotions went beyond any distinction between good or bad. I was crying almost the whole time, snot running down my face.

I would have vague feelings like an intense need to do something, but no understanding what it was that I needed to do. At times it felt as if something like understanding (my sanity in retrospect?) was slipping out of my grip and sometimes it would feel like it was very close to me and I could almost reach out and grab it but I felt paralyzed as if I was incapable to do this and upon realizing this it would suddenly feel like it was thousands of miles away from me. I began the experience wandering around the garage, looking at things with bugged out eyes not understanding any of it. Spitting randomly at some point (I felt confused as to why I had done this). At any rate the more intense the trip became the less capable I was of moving, slowly the very concept of a body disintegrated into a purely conceptual experience, at which point I had curled up into the fetal position on the floor.

Now at this point the feelings of falling through eternity were much more intense and seemed to last longer. I would occasionally have a feeling like 'here it comes again, I better hold on' (inner monologue had ceased at some point during the experience and was replaced only by feelings that I can vaguely translate into words now) like I was going over the hill of a rollercoaster but at almost the same time that I felt a desperate need to hang on to something I realized there was nothing to hang on to, like the feeling I get when I first realize I am falling and wave my arms in the hope that I will grab something.

During the stretching into eternity feelings I would have a sensation like my concept of reality was zooming in and out, from the microscopic to the universal. At some points it would feel like I was looking at the entirety of existence, and it appeared to be a huge swirling fractal. It was more like a 3 dimensional fractal, but thinking back on it now the closest thing I can equate it to is the 2d fractal images that are popular with psychedelic users. All the 'pixels' (or points) of this fractal were moments in time and they were all swirled together in some huge mess which did not make sense in the linear concept of time, but I had a sense that it all fit in some way that was beyond my comprehension and was deeper and more meaningful than linear time or spatial relationships.

Throughout this whole experience I had an overwhelming feeling that what I was experiencing was more real than anything I had ever experienced before, and to this day I am convinced that outside my narrow concept of reality, this is what exists and awaits me (when I die for instance). In fact I had a vague sensation that within the webwork of this fractal were all the lives I had ever lived as well as all the lives I would ever live. It also seemed like everything that existed was represented within this incomprehensible swirling fractal. I distinctly remember thinking 'This is the big picture, this is what everything actually is like'. I talk about it like it looks like something but at this point my sensations were beyond the five senses, there was no distinction between look hear smell taste or feel, all experience was experienced in something like a hypersense, wherein I was acutely aware of every detail, every facet of everything without being limited by seeing it the way we normally sense things (which is always an incomplete picture no matter how accurate). As I was saying before, I would zoom in and out of this fractal, at times experiencing the individual lives and experiences of the universe as if I was living that life, and had no concept of anything outside of that life, and other times zooming back out to the big picture and experiencing all of it again."