Thread title putting it lightly I suppose. I'll try to keep it as short as possible. She's my first girlfriend. Thanks for reading if you took the time. I really appreciate it. I don't feel like I have anyone else to turn to or I would as I know you guys hate walls of text.
Past year we haven't been getting along. Just had our 4 year anniversary. Been dating since freshman year of high school. She's crazy about me, I'm crazy about her (was, I guess).
Month ago I come home from work we get into a huge fight, yada yada yada. Point is she says it's the most hurt shes ever been. She goes back to her house (We live 3 hours apart.) We go a week without talking, figured I'd give her some space for a bit. She calls me, another fight, I say maybe it's time for that break you were talking about (We've discussed it pervious times under better circumstances, I said I have to think about it. Actually that was a day before said fight).
I go down to her house a month later, maybe less, to figure our shit out. We get along decently, a little bickering about small things. We get in a big fight about something stupid. Can't even remember what it was about. We makeup again. Things are looking up.
Next day we go to breakfast to discuss if we're going to take a break. I say I'm not sure I want that because idk if I can handle us dating other people and then getting back together. She's my first girlfriend BTW. Hell, she's my first kiss, hug, hand hold, dance, sex, first everything. I talk about how I've only dated one person ( her), and how I've only loved her and idk what its like to not love a girlfriend. So I'm kinda curious about that. I leave and say I still have to think about what I want to do.
Flash forward 2-3 weeks to today. Apparently last night she hooks up with some piece of shit she met at work or something. They fuck (still can't think about this without tearing up). Apparently she's under the impression that were on a break from the first time I said we should take that break. I've told her multiple times I said that out of anger. I've told her I regretted that entire first argument I talked about.
I go about destroying my bed room, realize this is a shitty idea. Go outside and beat the shit out of a tree stump until the Axe breaks. She's on the phone throughout this episode. I go to work and try to not lose it on any customers or coworkers. Can't go 10 minutes without feeling as if I need to bawl my eyes out.
I mean, what the fuck. 3 weeks??? That's it?? How the fuck can you do that to someone you say is the love of your life and you want to be with forever. Worst thing is, I feel like seeing her will fix all of this like it always does. I know it won't but I can't help but feel like it will.
I don't even know what I'm asking I guess. Haven't talked to her since this morning and I'm going insane because I can't get this out of my head. She tried making excuses as to why it was okay that she did that to me. She's told me that her body is sacred to her and she doesn't just give it away to people.
I don't know what to do. Does anyone have any advice? I've never felt emotionally hurt at any point in my life until now. I now know what it feels like to be weak in the knees. It's a pain that can't be described. You'd have to go through it to understand. Thanks for reading if you took the time. I really appreciate it. I don't feel like I have anyone else to turn to or I would as I know you guys hate walls of text.
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