to be continued?

if this is goodbye, i guess i should try my best to word it well. i'll probably think of a million and one more things i should have said. but alas, you only get the chance to do this once, so i shouldn't be thinking in terms of 'what ifs.'

i've done that with you too much already.

maybe this isn't our first goodbye (or our last?) we let a lot spill when we thought you were moving away. but then again, you never did leave. i must admit, i thought of it as a perfect ending.
i loved the ambiguity of it all, yet i still feel there's a lot to be said.
IS this the end?
is THIS the end?
is this THE end?
is this the END?
IS THIS THE END?!?!!!
i don't know if i am writing this because i feel that not enough had been said the first time round, or if it's just because it's you and i will never run out of things to say to you.

either way, you deserve to hear it. or at least, i deserve to tell you. i doubt too many people have shoved it in your face that you've broken their heart.

why do you keep on insisting on pushing me out of your life?

you know hurting me won't get me to leave. people like me have a weakness for mind games. you know i won't leave unless provoked, unless you push me really hard. and you're doing a mighty fine job of doing so.

or, you have no intention of removing my presence from your life and i am just making whacked out excuses for your behaviour. that's what i'm best at.

'she's just not that into you...' haha, the one time i watch Oprah, and it's a smack in the face. it's like the whole world is laughing at me and applauding you for breaking my heart so boldly.

anyways, whether you actually want me in your life or not isn't even an issue. i don't think i can do it. no. i know i CAN. i have for the past 2 years. but i just don't think it's a good idea anymore.

you're keeping your options open. it's human nature, i can't hate you for it. don't tell me that's not what's going on here. maybe it's unconscious, but you're doing it regardless.

as soon as there is a label, it's hard to get it off. labels are sticky.

Once you call it, there’s no going back. Once it’s in, it’s in. and once I’m out…I’m out.

There were others after you. But did you have to set the bar so high? Stupid bitch.

Also, I want you to move on. If you feel so strongly that things could never work between us, I want you to find the one who would make you feel otherwise about him.

Maybe this is it. Recall that conversation we had when you told me that this one is a “keeper�? and I reminded you that’s what you had said when you were with ____…but then you met me, you said. Well for your sake and his, I hope you don’t meet anymore me’s.

Doubtful, I hear we’re one of a kind.