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If Pros were Dildos

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Mr.Huck
Posts: 6096 - Karma: 14,902
So many "If Pros were" threads. How about one to end them all.

Rules:

1) Hand drawn or shopped
2) No obvious dick pics
3) Keep it somewhat classy or it will get deleted
4) All Dildos must have a name
5) Added description of dildo characteristics optional.

Examples:

The Rawr Bitch



The Whamstick

May 5 2014 4:46PM
1052 41
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theabortionator
Posts: 51744 - Karma: 163,523
WUT
May 5 2014 4:59PM
74 0
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robotdna
Posts: 1232 - Karma: 2,959
Jesus summer NS gets weird fast
May 5 2014 5:00PM
128 0
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TaranItUp
Posts: 1313 - Karma: 802
I'm scared.
May 5 2014 5:03PM
11 0
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snugs
Posts: 966 - Karma: 4,090
May 5 2014 5:28PM
74 0
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*JDBP*
Posts: 312 - Karma: 2,006


Oprah and the Whamstick
May 5 2014 5:40PM
40 0
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robotdna
Posts: 1232 - Karma: 2,959
Eh, I'll bite.

I know this is a Pros thread, but here's one...get it?


Black Steve? No? Okay. Nevermind.

Shitty photoshop is shitty.
May 5 2014 5:41PM
59 1
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elinde
Posts: 1470 - Karma: 3,059
This man is a father.
May 5 2014 5:44PM
35 0
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Twandos
Posts: 259 - Karma: 2,028
MRW I keep seeing these posts
May 5 2014 5:45PM
15 1
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robotdna
Posts: 1232 - Karma: 2,959
Henrik's "Dildread"



Lawl
May 5 2014 5:49PM
149 1
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steezburgereddie
Posts: 1059 - Karma: 1,945
https://www.newschoolers.com/forum/thread/781990/If-pros-were-like-bipedal-marsupials

Very original idea
May 5 2014 6:04PM
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-WZ-
Posts: 3600 - Karma: 6,582
is it really summer already
May 5 2014 8:50PM
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Atomika09
Posts: 104 - Karma: 746
Go stick your heads in the freezer. Seems like the warm air is killing the ski gabberishness.
May 5 2014 9:01PM
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APunx176
Posts: 1189 - Karma: 2,628
May 5 2014 9:08PM
28 1
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frickindarn
Posts: 2545 - Karma: 11,371
This thread is dildos.
May 5 2014 10:33PM
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Al.Capone
Posts: 661 - Karma: 2,779
bobcatcryThis thread is dildos.


literally dildos
May 5 2014 11:11PM
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frickindarn
Posts: 2545 - Karma: 11,371
Al.Caponeliterally dildos


ZING!
May 5 2014 11:22PM
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Paul.
Posts: 1614 - Karma: 11,194
The Schlopy Spinner - Traditional drilldo with Alex Schlopy's head for maximum pleasure, capable of up to 1980 RPM


May 6 2014 12:49AM
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whoa-dere
Posts: 10596 - Karma: 7,105
who deleted my original if pros were dildos thread
May 6 2014 1:00AM
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ANDR01D
Posts: 1181 - Karma: 3,319
robotdnaEh, I'll bite.

I know this is a Pros thread, but here's one...get it?


Black Steve? No? Okay. Nevermind.

Shitty photoshop is shitty.


Mr. Hanky the freeski poo
He does doubles and zero spins too
Watch from the chairlift here he comes
Slaying every hot lap run
His tall-t hangs far below
And his Subaru has underglow
He's not in the bunch or hood crew
But he can blind swap pretzel 2
May 6 2014 2:39AM
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chacha33
Posts: 959 - Karma: 4,163
I would have some good pics but my school has blocked wifi :/
May 6 2014 8:54AM
6 1
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Japaneezy
Posts: 1039 - Karma: 4,267
Paul.The Schlopy Spinner - Traditional drilldo with Alex Schlopy's head for maximum pleasure, capable of up to 1980 RPM




the best by far.
May 6 2014 9:36AM
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Mr.Huck
Posts: 6096 - Karma: 14,902
SteezyJapaneezythe best by far.


Agreed.

New effort. The Hippy Killer.

May 6 2014 10:23AM
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soulskier
Posts: 17806 - Karma: 3,841
I wish I could hang but even my ms paint skills are mediocre at best
May 6 2014 10:44AM
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broto
Posts: 9039 - Karma: 25,664
on the front page of the premier freeskiing website is a thread comparing professional skiers to dildos.



god i love skiing.
May 6 2014 11:06AM
33 1
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Trace.
Posts: 1460 - Karma: 635
TwandosMRW I keep seeing these posts


This is a 10/10 Mr. Huck post, and don't you mean mfw?
May 6 2014 11:25AM
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LastChairMedia
Posts: 860 - Karma: 1,855
What other sport can you compare pros to dildos? I
May 6 2014 3:09PM
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I_Am_Mod
Posts: 13214 - Karma: 3,753
thread has potential for sure :)
May 6 2014 3:36PM
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whoa-dere
Posts: 10596 - Karma: 7,105
who's the great american challenge?
May 6 2014 3:49PM
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X_ANKILLA
Posts: 2386 - Karma: -6,479


The Dumont Special.
May 6 2014 4:53PM
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I_Am_Mod
Posts: 13214 - Karma: 3,753
The 'JON' with extra clitoral stimulating skibox

May 6 2014 5:14PM
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Mr.Huck
Posts: 6096 - Karma: 14,902
I_Am_ModThe 'JON' with extra clitoral stimulating skibox



Great minds think alike:

Here's the JO Pro model. It goes really fast, but don't ask how much it costs because you can't afford it.



Also, for those who like to go really big, here's the Mike Wilson.

May 6 2014 5:30PM
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Daski
Posts: 658 - Karma: 2,348
This thread is dildos
May 6 2014 6:00PM
6 7
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S.J.W
Posts: 7609 - Karma: 31,186
Steve Stepp would be a cucumber.
May 6 2014 6:20PM
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APunx176
Posts: 1189 - Karma: 2,628
There should be one of Jesper Tjader with a HUGE sack on it.
May 6 2014 8:11PM
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.FRY.
Posts: 5620 - Karma: 22,861
CalebTheKillianThere should be one of Jesper Tjader with a HUGE sack on it.


haha yes!
May 6 2014 9:09PM
3 0
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SKIU4EA
Posts: 2387 - Karma: 2,072
searchbar, come on now, there's a million pro-dildo threads and so unoriginal..... oh wait
May 7 2014 8:10AM
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Mr.Huck
Posts: 6096 - Karma: 14,902
SKIU4EAsearchbar, come on now, there's a million pro-dildo threads and so unoriginal..... oh wait


I was worried that this thread might be a repost.

Anyway, today's effort:

Introducing the Candide Toe Vex. It's small, bionic and fully automatic. You have no idea what the hell it's going to do, but it's always exciting.

May 7 2014 12:26PM
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*DUMBCAN*
Posts: 2447 - Karma: 5,628
Mr.HuckI was worried that this thread might be a repost.

Anyway, today's effort:

Introducing the Candide Toe Vex. It's small, bionic and fully automatic. You have no idea what the hell it's going to do, but it's always exciting.



That's fantastic
May 7 2014 12:37PM
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Mr.Huck
Posts: 6096 - Karma: 14,902
CalebTheKillianThere should be one of Jesper Tjader with a HUGE sack on it.


May 8 2014 3:46PM
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Paul.
Posts: 1614 - Karma: 11,194
Mr.HuckI was worried that this thread might be a repost.

Anyway, today's effort:

Introducing the Candide Toe Vex. It's small, bionic and fully automatic. You have no idea what the hell it's going to do, but it's always exciting.



This one would give you major toebang.
May 8 2014 4:30PM
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Mr.Huck
Posts: 6096 - Karma: 14,902
This definitely deserved honorable mention:

May 31 2014 9:57AM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51744 - Karma: 163,523
The best day was when this thread died. Now we gotta wait again.
May 31 2014 10:24AM
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Mr.Huck
Posts: 6096 - Karma: 14,902
theabortionatorThe best day was when this thread died. Now we gotta wait again.


May 31 2014 11:52AM
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robotdna
Posts: 1232 - Karma: 2,959
theabortionatorThe best day was when this thread died. Now we gotta wait again.


It was just getting good though, with unrelated crap starting to turn it into something interesting.
Jun 6 2014 10:56AM
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MiIfHunter
Posts: 3978 - Karma: 4,262
I miss Mr. Huck
Dec 5 2020 9:42PM
1 1
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b0ss
Posts: 798 - Karma: 6,307
theabortionatorWUT

Leave this at 69 likes
Dec 5 2020 9:45PM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51744 - Karma: 163,523
b0ssLeave this at 69 likes


Not gonna lie that's kinda dope. I dont even remember this thread. Shits weird lol
Dec 5 2020 9:59PM
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danbrown
Posts: 11939 - Karma: 21,828
Mr.HuckThis definitely deserved honorable mention:



hahaha this is my instagram. hilarious I never saw this thread
Dec 6 2020 9:52AM
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danbrown
Posts: 11939 - Karma: 21,828
danbrownhahaha this is my instagram. hilarious I never saw this thread


also to clarify skiierman got shitfaced and passed out on my couch and I put a dildo in his hand
Dec 6 2020 3:24PM
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BigPurpleSkiSuit
Posts: 9401 - Karma: 68,882
danbrownalso to clarify skiierman got shitfaced and passed out on my couch and I put a dildo in his hand


but who's dildo was it?
Dec 6 2020 8:44PM
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