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Looking for Critiques on a project

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Forcillo
Posts: 3801 - Karma: 3,580
https://vimeo.com/92434022

So I started this about a week ago from something I wrote a while back, I'm really excited about how it turned out. It was my first time actually putting some real effort into grading, and it was my first time using a slider as well. I'm looking for any critiques you may have, for the narration or shots or editing, anything that catches your attention. I'll appreciate any helpful feedback.
Apr 22 2014 5:41PM
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cydwhit
Posts: 5070 - Karma: 43,013
Aha, I saw this somewhere else I think. It felt very serious, which is fine, just try to keep far away from being pretentious. Maybe think about grading and lighting more dramatically. I feel like you could have gone for almost more of a surreal vibe which would have made it more visually interesting and added to the message. Just my $.02
Apr 22 2014 6:24PM
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Forcillo
Posts: 3801 - Karma: 3,580
cydwhitAha, I saw this somewhere else I think. It felt very serious, which is fine, just try to keep far away from being pretentious. Maybe think about grading and lighting more dramatically. I feel like you could have gone for almost more of a surreal vibe which would have made it more visually interesting and added to the message. Just my $.02


Did it feel pretentious to you? Cause I definitely don't want that. I could redo my narration or grade, what would you suggest changing?

also I'm curious as to where you saw this, seeing as it has sub 300 views
Apr 22 2014 9:34PM
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cydwhit
Posts: 5070 - Karma: 43,013
ForcilloDid it feel pretentious to you? Cause I definitely don't want that. I could redo my narration or grade, what would you suggest changing?

also I'm curious as to where you saw this, seeing as it has sub 300 views


Na, it doesn't feel too pretentious, I think I saw it on vimeo but maybe it was on NS, If you wanted to regrade I think it could make it radder
Apr 22 2014 9:45PM
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NMMedia
Posts: 982 - Karma: 1,700
I think the one thing that caught my eye (cant remember exactly, somewhere around 1:20ish) there was a shot of the little boys face and you cut off his chin a little. It just caught my eye because it got drilled into me that its ok to cut off a little of someones forehead with the framing of the shot but you never want to cut off any of their chin. Other than that I thought it was really good, had to watch more than once to really even pick up on what I mentioned. Was an interesting watch overall
Apr 22 2014 9:57PM
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StokeFactor
Posts: 348 - Karma: 1,012
Nice! Those shots of the kid on his bike and playing soccer are pretty strong with the narration and music, good job. For the color grading i'd say it's just a bit too flat (but maybe this is the look you want?) anyway pretty good.
Apr 23 2014 9:38AM
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Forcillo
Posts: 3801 - Karma: 3,580
Bump, some great suggestions so far, thanks guys
Apr 24 2014 10:25PM
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CheddarJack
Posts: 5203 - Karma: 7,380
I think your voice was a tad too loud compared to the music. Also, it ends sort of abruptly. I think it would've been better if you put more emotion into saying "maybe they're the ones who have it all figured out." Maybe emphasize and "they" and pause for a second after it then continue with "are the ones..." That's the main point and I feel like it just blended in with the rest of the script, whereas it should've really stood out.

Great job overall though, I enjoyed it.
Apr 25 2014 11:03AM
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