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October, 2024

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Help: how to get scumbag off my bed

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Kekambas.
Posts: 904 - Karma: 485
So my roommate is cool, but he has this scummy ass friend who I swear only showers once a week. Whenever I walk into my room this kid is always on my bed, and sometimes he even gets under my blankets.

What can I do to get this kid to not be in or on my bed...like putting something in my bed or something like that. Need creative ideas

Asking him doesn't work I've told him multiple times to not be in my bed....it's the top bunk too...

Thanks
Mar 28 2014 11:45AM
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Caucasian_Asian
Posts: 2447 - Karma: 1,665
Throw mattress on floor.  While he's on it.  He'll get the hint.
Mar 28 2014 11:47AM
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erikK
Posts: 3245 - Karma: 2,328
Engineer a dildo trap that will penetrate his bumhole
Mar 28 2014 11:47AM
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270on420out
Posts: 7508 - Karma: 51,054
You have the mattress, does he have a pool?
Mar 28 2014 11:48AM
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wreck.yoself
Posts: 656 - Karma: 46
Lock your room…

/thread
Mar 28 2014 12:09PM
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Kekambas.
Posts: 904 - Karma: 485
He would probably like it..
Mar 28 2014 12:14PM
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Kekambas.
Posts: 904 - Karma: 485
It's a dorm room, and my roommate is in there soooo
Mar 28 2014 12:14PM
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987321654hgfd
Posts: 5133 - Karma: 5,447
Just ask him not to sit on your bed?
Mar 28 2014 12:19PM
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SFB
Posts: 8895 - Karma: 26,352
lay barbed wire underneath your blankets.
Mar 28 2014 12:20PM
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987321654hgfd
Posts: 5133 - Karma: 5,447
Never mind didn't read.

Put thumbtacks under your covers.
Mar 28 2014 12:20PM
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Kekambas.
Posts: 904 - Karma: 485
Yeah i've only tried this about 15 times, i think he's mentally retarded. He gets out of my bed when i walk into the room and acts like i didn't just see him in it.
Mar 28 2014 12:24PM
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Kekambas.
Posts: 904 - Karma: 485
yeah i was thinking about that, but would it go through a comforter? Rusty nails might be too far...
also, i would probably forget they were in there.
Mar 28 2014 12:26PM
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Yaraelpoof.png
Posts: 1556 - Karma: 6,418
SURPRISE TETANUS!!!!!!!
Mar 28 2014 12:35PM
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bfulmer
Posts: 3053 - Karma: 1,975
probably the most logical way to take care of this issue
Mar 28 2014 12:35PM
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stizzle
Posts: 371 - Karma: 623
Put used condoms all over it.
Mar 28 2014 12:43PM
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c_roll
Posts: 584 - Karma: 246
cum all over your sheets. like absurd amounts of cum. you might need to outsource some guys to cum on your bed but, it would be worth it
Mar 28 2014 12:48PM
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HungryHypocrite
Posts: 765 - Karma: 939
remove all the slats in the bed and
please put a camera to film it.

it will surely make him loose trust in the bed.

Mar 28 2014 1:00PM
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.Hugo.
Posts: 17360 - Karma: 28,485
Undo all the screws holding the top bunk up. When he gets in it next time he will fall and break his neck. Then you come into the room and pee on his head while he's writhing in pain on the ground
Mar 28 2014 1:01PM
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Byron_tha_gr8
Posts: 4573 - Karma: 14,299
i love lawsuits too
Mar 28 2014 1:21PM
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JAHpow
Posts: 7282 - Karma: 17,176
Maybe he'll become paralyzed so there won't be any pain. Then poop on him.
Mar 28 2014 1:47PM
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MNS
Posts: 5386 - Karma: 3,241
Talk to your room mate. His friend, his responsibility.
Mar 28 2014 1:48PM
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CaptainObvious.
Posts: 5712 - Karma: 20,638
Dude the semester is over in a month. Why has this taken you so long to post on NS?
Mar 28 2014 1:53PM
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El_Barto.
Posts: 11661 - Karma: 24,354
Turn him into chili and then have a pony bite your weiner off
Mar 28 2014 2:08PM
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EastShoreDrive
Posts: 188 - Karma: 862
This guy has already proven he holds all the power in your relationship. He essentially owns you now and doesn't have to do a thing you say. Why? Because he doesn't respect you, otherwise he would stay off your bed. You have two choices. The first is just to let it keep happening, same as it ever was. The second is to get some fucking power back and unfortunately your only choice is physical violence. If you want things to change you are going to have to try and beat the shit out of him next time he is in your bed. Then repeat this until he realizes that if he is in your bed you two are going to scrap. You may lose but you will probably gain some respect back and for him laying in your bed isn't worth having to take a few punches.

Your roommate is also an asshole.
Mar 28 2014 2:13PM
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ILLinoisance
Posts: 3527 - Karma: 5,398
I'm sure there is already plenty of other dudes' cum on his bed....
Mar 28 2014 2:20PM
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SkiThe603
Posts: 5376 - Karma: 498
kick his ass, with a ski boot on
Mar 28 2014 7:55PM
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anashyo
Posts: 1041 - Karma: 353
i literally hate roommates
Mar 28 2014 8:09PM
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erikK
Posts: 3245 - Karma: 2,328
you sound like a really fun person
Mar 28 2014 8:15PM
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BLADEE
Posts: 1017 - Karma: 778
Smear dog shit all over your covers, he'll never knew what hit him
Mar 28 2014 8:20PM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51644 - Karma: 162,252
Do a better job of telling him to get out of your shit. Tell your roomate to keep his friends out of your stuff.

If this kid is on your bed when you come in tell him to gtfo of your room.

Your in college. Handle it like an adult, there will be far worse problems later in life.
Mar 28 2014 8:45PM
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GayWolf420
Posts: 37390 - Karma: 120,126
come on, dude. you cant actually get this dude out of your bed? next time he is in the top bunk just pull his ass off the bed.
Mar 28 2014 8:55PM
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steezyjibber
Posts: 15967 - Karma: 11,026
when you put it like that, everything about this is actually hilarious. at first i was like damn this is kind of a shitty situation, and now i'm like

Click for larger image

Mar 28 2014 8:57PM
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eheath
Posts: 61603 - Karma: 123,082
Punch him in the nose
Mar 28 2014 9:03PM
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GayWolf420
Posts: 37390 - Karma: 120,126
throat would be more effective imo


the nose does fucking hurt though
Mar 28 2014 9:08PM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51644 - Karma: 162,252
I got punched in the face, for sticking my nose in other peoples business.


Mar 28 2014 9:18PM
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Spinoza
Posts: 12763 - Karma: 3,846
this is so dumb
Mar 28 2014 9:56PM
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louie.mirags
Posts: 6015 - Karma: 5,029
you need a new roommate.

Get an attitude with the smelly dude and make it real awkward.. that should do the trick
Mar 28 2014 10:04PM
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arnie_grape
Posts: 3451 - Karma: 11,678
and it makes you look like a bitch when your eyes start watering
Mar 28 2014 10:05PM
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CheddarJack
Posts: 5203 - Karma: 7,380
Easy. Out scum him. Get so incredibly dirty that he will think your bed is gross and will be disgusted by it and will then never go near it again.
Mar 29 2014 1:52AM
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Scott0_robot0
Posts: 3291 - Karma: 212
pour potatoe chips in there then change the sheet when you come back =??
Mar 29 2014 2:28AM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51644 - Karma: 162,252
Here are some options

1. Harvest bed bugs and place them in your bed

2. Kill him

3. Kill his dog

4. Kill his dreams

5. Take an engineering course. Cut a hole in a wall that can open and spring load one end of his bed to shoot him out the window(If it's 3rd floor or higher)

6. Call the police and press charges

7. Talk to a grief counselor

8. Get wasted and rollerblade through the cafeteria naked

9. Start painting a landscape, take your roommate his friend and any other problems and make them into birds.

10. Buy a pair of skiblades

11. Build a mini ramp in your dorm room

12. Bet it all on black

13. Invest in a keg and lay a slip n slide in the dorm hallway

14. Get some spray paint and cardboard and make a body kit for your car

15. Join christian mingle

16. Take fencing lessons

17. Get a pet cat

18. Run 6 miles

19. Call your parents and tell them you got a girl pregnant

20. Take a shit in the hallway

21. Buy a ghostbusters costume and wear it for the rest of the semester.

22. Smoke cigarettes till the day you die

23. Get some new speakers and play justin biebers greatest hits at full volume every night.

24. Buy a hot plate and cook breakfast at a different random outlet around campus everyday

25. Start a new fashion trend
Mar 29 2014 3:20AM
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OGoriginal-gaper
Posts: 354 - Karma: 86
get a really good sleeping bag that has a real low temp rating so hopefully he gets in it and you can cable tie him in it (leave him a hole to breathe), it will be like an oven.
Mar 29 2014 4:14AM
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lamadelrey
Posts: 210 - Karma: 481
I definitely vote for number 10 and 21 on ^^that list
Mar 29 2014 7:23AM
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GayWolf420
Posts: 37390 - Karma: 120,126
true dat

Mar 29 2014 10:51AM
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MNS
Posts: 5386 - Karma: 3,241
I can't believe that you spent that much time replying to this thread.
Mar 29 2014 11:06AM
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whoa-dere
Posts: 10596 - Karma: 7,103
Have him walk in on you whackin it
Mar 29 2014 11:09AM
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Chewy.
Posts: 4113 - Karma: 4,856
Holy fuck, that was great.
Mar 29 2014 12:37PM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51644 - Karma: 162,252
I'm always down to spend some time giving helpful advice on ns.

Mar 29 2014 2:13PM
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GayWolf420
Posts: 37390 - Karma: 120,126
I can't believe you spent that much time reading it
Mar 29 2014 2:14PM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51644 - Karma: 162,252
I can't believe it's not butter
Mar 29 2014 2:28PM
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