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October, 2024

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Dad jokes

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little1337
Posts: 8241 - Karma: 47,862
Post 'em

"If you're cold, stand in the corner. It's 90 degrease"
Mar 26 2014 11:51PM
801 162
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CaptainObvious.
Posts: 5712 - Karma: 20,638
Not to mention the second you enter the doors of school, your standards for what's funny and what's not plummet.
Mar 27 2014 4:50PM
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GayWolf420
Posts: 37387 - Karma: 120,111
good shit, i remember my history teach last year would make everyone be silent and stare at any kid that walked in late like they just interrupted something important.
Mar 27 2014 5:12PM
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deleted5
Posts: 14507 - Karma: 13,507
I find it really hard to believe you like to play practical jokes with your kids you have a terrible sense of humor. I once p.m. you asking you to do something I don't even remember what it was, and I ended it with something along the lines of please be a doll. Which by the way whenever I message any of the mods on here I've always ended it with babe sweetie or Doll guy or girl, and you freaked out. sorry for the rant, but for some reason I read that post and remembered I sent you that message, and then you not being very happy about it.
Mar 27 2014 7:21PM
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louie.mirags
Posts: 6015 - Karma: 5,029
Well that is pretty sexist. You're an idiot.
Mar 27 2014 9:12PM
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lamadelrey
Posts: 210 - Karma: 481
What has this got to do with anything? I'd probably talk back if someone called me something like doll or sweetie if I was a chick. Youre a knobhead, dude
Mar 27 2014 9:27PM
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proZach
Posts: 7163 - Karma: 919
Pussy
Mar 27 2014 9:35PM
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TinyTigers
Posts: 484 - Karma: 213
whenever my dad refers to something shaking, he'll say "shaking like a dog shittin peach pits"
Mar 27 2014 9:48PM
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.MASSHOLE.
Posts: 7481 - Karma: 11,497
First day with a new brain?
Mar 27 2014 10:06PM
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Jwenz
Posts: 8893 - Karma: 7,633
This is something my dad mentioned when he visited me here in utah...

"The beer here is like fucking in a canoe...WAY TOO CLOSE TO WATER"
Mar 27 2014 10:31PM
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uyghur
Posts: 993 - Karma: 2,028
Aaaah. I remember my first joke.
Mar 27 2014 10:40PM
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YourMomsCouch
Posts: 311 - Karma: 4,039
Me:Dad do you have a moment to learn about the teachings of joe smith? Dad:I dont know, do you have a moment to bathe and change your clothes?
Mar 27 2014 10:45PM
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kohlblaze603
Posts: 35 - Karma: 547

dad; Have you ever fucked a goat?

me: no... have you..?

Dad: yup

me: how was it

dad: bahahahahad

Mar 28 2014 9:20AM
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snwbrdmilf
Posts: 22441 - Karma: 2,805
lol ok
Mar 28 2014 9:22AM
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Byron_tha_gr8
Posts: 4573 - Karma: 14,299
Click for larger image
Mar 28 2014 11:20AM
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JAHpow
Posts: 7282 - Karma: 17,176
Keeping with the teacher jokes my old physics teacher when asked "what?" would point to the lights above and say "100 watts!"
That semester sucked
Mar 28 2014 11:44AM
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Xanadoo
Posts: 729 - Karma: 1,237
was watching the uconn vs iowa st in the ncaa tournament with my dad earlier

me: man, how big has shabazz napier been for uconn, huh?
dad: about 6 feet


Mar 28 2014 11:42PM
1 0
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ChillTeenDad420
Posts: 1858 - Karma: 5,512
in the car with dad like 10 years ago:

me: hey can we swing by blockbuster? i wanna rent halo

dad: yea sure

*pulls into blockbuster parking lot*

*i open the door*

*dad throws it in reverse and starts to drive off while i'm half out the car*

dad: alright we swung by

me: fuq u dad u mother fuqqer
Mar 28 2014 11:49PM
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Mr.Huck
Posts: 6096 - Karma: 14,896
My son tells me a joke.

My reply: "There's a lot of comedians out of work in this town; don't give up your day job".

I embarrass the crap out of my kids. Hopefully at some point nothing will faze them.
Mar 29 2014 12:23AM
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DIPED_IN_SAUCE
Posts: 858 - Karma: 2,256
First day of school all the parents where supposed to write motivational letters to there kids. Most dads wrote "hope your high-school is a lovely experience," "good luck with the ladies," "here's to a good four years." My dad wrote

Don't fuck up

-Dad

Mar 29 2014 12:58AM
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gapersarefriends
Posts: 2158 - Karma: 4,270
Me-dad what time is it

Dad-time for you to get a watch


Mar 29 2014 2:31PM
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gapersarefriends
Posts: 2158 - Karma: 4,270
Me-dad what time is it

Dad-time for you to get a watch


Mar 29 2014 2:31PM
1 3
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GayWolf420
Posts: 37387 - Karma: 120,111
pull my finger will always be a classic no matter who you are
Mar 29 2014 2:53PM
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dragonhorse
Posts: 101 - Karma: 228
"what did the fish say when he hit a wall?

...dam"
Mar 30 2014 10:29AM
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Schlutz
Posts: 858 - Karma: 425
My dad's pretty funny. He likes to play pretty all out games of hide n' seek. He's pretty good too, our current game is going on 14 years. I've tried olly olly oxen free, but I don't think he heard me.
Apr 2 2014 1:05AM
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cheener12
Posts: 2881 - Karma: 5,884

Apr 2 2014 1:19AM
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SteezeMcQueen
Posts: 224 - Karma: 216
Me: "Dad, whats that guy doing over there?"

Dad: "Dont worry, he dont mean shit to a Christmas tree."

WHHHAAAT?
Apr 2 2014 11:26AM
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Mr.Huck
Posts: 6096 - Karma: 14,896
I use this on my kids and also the kids that I coach.

Kid launches into something that makes no sense at all or mumbles.

Me: "You did WHAT, with whose DOG, for how many NILLA WAFERS?!?!?!

My daughter has started using that on her older brother now and it's pretty hilarious.
Apr 2 2014 11:57AM
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snwbrdmilf
Posts: 22441 - Karma: 2,805
Oh man I love this and I'm stealing it hahaha.
Apr 2 2014 12:43PM
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Chunter
Posts: 2050 - Karma: 1,894
My dad's go-to joke...

Two guys are out hunting and they see a huge hole. Wondering how deep it is, they find an old anvil and throw it down. It falls and falls and falls but they never hear it land; then out of nowhere a goat comes galloping past them and jumps in the hole. Confused, and a little freaked out the hunters decide to get a move on and start walking back to their car. On their way, they come across a farmer who approaches them asking if they had seen a goat, they say yes and that he jumped in that enormous hole a little ways back. The farmer then replies, that's impossible, I had him chained to an anvil.
Apr 2 2014 1:07PM
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dragonhorse
Posts: 101 - Karma: 228
my dad would always respond "hay is for horses, aren't you glad you're a cow."
Apr 2 2014 1:34PM
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Daph
Posts: 5978 - Karma: 5,009
The very first dad joke
" honey i'm pregnant"
Tears in his eyes "hi pregnant, i'm dad"
Apr 2 2014 1:43PM
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stickski
Posts: 1938 - Karma: 1,529
mine always says, "hay is for horses, grass used to be free!" haha...
Apr 3 2014 12:26AM
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Wallisch_pl
Posts: 5260 - Karma: 1,022
what's the difference between a black person's dad, and a white person's dad?
Apr 7 2014 8:37AM
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Wallisch_pl
Posts: 5260 - Karma: 1,022
The color of the black person's dad's skin is going to be darker than the white person's dad's skin
Apr 7 2014 8:38AM
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Wallisch_pl
Posts: 5260 - Karma: 1,022
yeah well your reply was disliked!!! and you say im not funny.......
Apr 7 2014 9:00AM
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Chewy.
Posts: 4113 - Karma: 4,856
My dad randomly texted me today.

Dad: Hey Adam. Guess who I saw today?
Me: Who?
Dad: Everyone I looked at lol. Have a good day at school.


Honestly, I love his stupid jokes.
Nov 6 2014 5:12PM
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willifast
Posts: 248 - Karma: 299
One of the more popular ones

"I see said the blind man"
Nov 6 2014 7:54PM
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RusselCrowe
Posts: 367 - Karma: 1,111
Phil-X-


Mom: "Brush your teeth"
Dad: "Yeah, all of them"



Me: "Hows my haircut?"
Dad: "Which one did you get cut?"


many more have been posted
Nov 6 2014 8:08PM
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JohnThatWasTits
Posts: 122 - Karma: 534
Fred_BearWhenever I hurt something this is what happened:

Me: my ____ hurts

Dad: does your face hurt?

Me: no...?

Dad: well its killing me


Fell for it every time god damnit

Thought I was the only one that had tongonthrough that every damn time
Dec 1 2015 7:37PM
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WidelyHomier
Posts: 49 - Karma: 108
momsspaghettime: dad what's for dinner?
dad: i dunno what are you making


FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU


"Dad can we go to maccas"
"Yeah man do you have any money"
Dec 1 2015 8:53PM
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