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Pass drug test -- just got position trading futures

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first_rodeo
Posts: 2385 - Karma: 7,781

Steezecoast just got a job trading energy futures for a hedge.

Before ya'll congratulate me I need to pass a drug screening.

plus does anyone know who sees your juvenile records the firm or S.E.C

ran into real trouble when I was 17, but its sealed outside of working in securities

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Currently am smoking the rest of my nuggets like it's my job.

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I have a car full of detox products:

 x         creatine mono  (so my watered down piss is normal)

 x         cranberry juice

x           full flush niacin

RECOMMENDATIONS please

first hand experience only,,, not a friend of a friend swim's brother's friend
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Feb 20 2014 8:11PM
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Aidan-G
Posts: 9415 - Karma: 10,861
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Feb 20 2014 8:12PM
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JordanButtfart
Posts: 1013 - Karma: 3,027
Go sit in a sauna and sweat out as much as you can.
Feb 20 2014 8:15PM
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Rparr
Posts: 5559 - Karma: 45,566
If you drink like a gallon of vinegar the morning of your test you'll definitely pass. I know several people who have done it, it's a slam dunk.
Feb 20 2014 8:19PM
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JORMUNGAND
Posts: 360 - Karma: 480
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Feb 20 2014 8:19PM
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HentaiHero
Posts: 298 - Karma: 1,099
exercise a lot
Feb 20 2014 8:20PM
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array.
Posts: 2439 - Karma: 202
hot tub/sauna for a couple hours will do the trick
Feb 20 2014 8:30PM
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Craigskis
Posts: 6650 - Karma: 1,645
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Feb 20 2014 8:30PM
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cool_name
Posts: 4295 - Karma: 3,131
Need to pass a drug test, better smoke the rest of my weed
Feb 20 2014 11:22PM
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Jeebus.
Posts: 4904 - Karma: 5,822
THC is stored in your fat, so worked out and run a shit ton, drink tons of water over the time before the day of the test. Sweat as much as possible as stated above. How long do you have till you test, also you're tolerance comes into play if you're a heavy smoker the thc will have built up so it will be harder to get rid all traces of it.
Feb 20 2014 11:27PM
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first_rodeo
Posts: 2385 - Karma: 7,781

really can anyone tell first hand.


Feb 20 2014 11:39PM
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Panda_with_Guns
Posts: 3040 - Karma: 1,620
Eat like a bird and sweat like crazy..... stay away from any fat possible. when you are getting close to your test (about 36 hours) eat fatty food til you puke, this will dilute what ever thc you got left even further, and use all that detox shit, too. how i passed mine last year.
Feb 20 2014 11:43PM
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Jeebus.
Posts: 4904 - Karma: 5,822
I;ve had friends try this and it didn't work, would not rely on it haha
Feb 20 2014 11:51PM
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pigglywiggly
Posts: 4482 - Karma: 305
smoke some pot

find a friend who does not do drugs

have him/her piss into five hour energy bottle

take the five hour energy bottle, stick it under your balls, wear compression shorts

empty five hour energy of clean piss into the cup

walk out and smoke some more pot
Feb 20 2014 11:55PM
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skitheeast77
Posts: 224 - Karma: 6,577
They're just making sure you use coke so you'll fit in.
/end wall street joke
Feb 20 2014 11:56PM
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Panda_with_Guns
Posts: 3040 - Karma: 1,620
shit, i forgot, only use piss from mid stream, begin your piss in the toilet, pinch it off, piss in cup, finish piss
Feb 21 2014 12:02AM
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Wallisch_pl
Posts: 5260 - Karma: 1,022
They'll watch you whip your dick out and watch you piss bro
Feb 21 2014 12:06AM
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fadebrigade
Posts: 65 - Karma: 39
Assuming its just a cheap 5 panel dip test, and not a ms/gs, just drink around a gallon of water roughly 4 hours before test, and take some Instant release b vitamins, crushed up and parachuted for fast acting effects to make your piss yellow. The key is to be able to piss out water, and have normal looking piss, so it comes down to timing. If it's a ms/gs test you won't fool it, try getting clean but if it's short notice and you're a heavy smoker this is unlikely even if you are skinny and have a fast metabolism. best bet would be a last resort dilute and have a good excuse in order to postpone it further to get clean. Or you can buy a detox formula to get an invalid which has the same intended outcome of hopefully postponing the test for another week or so, assuming this route won't fuck the job prospect up...
Feb 21 2014 12:12AM
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cool_name
Posts: 4295 - Karma: 3,131
i really dont see why employers for these types of jobs care, if you were able get the job while smoking weed why wont you be able to perform the job while still smoking weed(obviously during your own time). Personally i think as far drug use goes some people are able to use and function perfectly fine(in the case of weed most people) and if you got the job in the first place it is pretty clear you are one of the people that can still preform when using. I dont see how it would be any different from someone who regularly drinks to much, as long as it doesnt affect your work quality who cares

To answer my own post, while writing i realised perhaps the most valuable part of making sure employees are clean is so that cant be arrested which could really hurt the company due to negative press and of course losing an employee suddenly. Yes, it is a small risk but in a competitive field they are allowed to be picky so they are better off just picking the guy who is clean


/end unrelated thought tangent, which makes it some what related but still not helpful
Feb 21 2014 1:25AM
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jeremyo13
Posts: 493 - Karma: 288
Do not do this.
If you're dirty, the only way to pass for sure is to provide a fake sample. Any masking or cleaning agents are iffy, and you probably don't want your job riding on it. Get a wizzinator, or similar device, and give them a guaranteed clean, synthetic sample. Been using one for years. It works
Feb 21 2014 1:50AM
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boozer
Posts: 521 - Karma: 35,621
I'll tell you what i did. Ask a friend who doesn't smoke (which might be difficult) to give you his piss, put it in a ziplock bag and tape it to your inner thigh, when its test time, pull it out and simply poor. risky especially considering the fact they might want to SEE you piss. if that's the case, buy one of these.http://www.detoxforless.com/urine-test-device/whizzinator-fake-penis.aspx
Feb 21 2014 3:40AM
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louie.mirags
Posts: 6015 - Karma: 5,029
It stores in fat cells and it really depends how much you smoke daily. If you're low on the body fat scale then you can work out and drink mad water and sweat it out in less than 2 weeks. If you're over weight it can take over a month. When i joined the navy in '08 it took me about 45 days to get clean without purchasing any system cleaners. I was fat that...
Feb 21 2014 6:18AM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51595 - Karma: 161,749
Drink your own piss. When it filters back through it will be clean
Feb 21 2014 8:13AM
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Static
Posts: 8553 - Karma: 4,084
I have passed tests using a friends pee, and also using UrineLuck synthetic. They take the temp of the piss so it's gotta be warm.
Feb 21 2014 8:42AM
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Bombogenesis
Posts: 1984 - Karma: 4,006
Stop smoking and do the Insanity workout starting now. Seriously. You can pirate it and it should let you pass.
Feb 21 2014 8:48AM
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TACO-DOG.exe
Posts: 11988 - Karma: 12,261
Buttholes are great for filtering pee.
Feb 21 2014 8:56AM
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chacha33
Posts: 959 - Karma: 4,163
Boof some more weed d00d
Feb 21 2014 9:05AM
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J-C
Posts: 1138 - Karma: 3,683
Feb 21 2014 10:16AM
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skiskate
Posts: 787 - Karma: 823
I get tested regularly for work, i bought a reusable bladder and just get clean pee from a friend. Slap a handwarmer on it for an hour and youre good to go. Long as your temperature is good, youre in the clear
Feb 21 2014 10:52AM
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Huck_Norris
Posts: 11487 - Karma: 18,627
Op you misunderstand, they're drug testing you to make sure you're a cokehead. All traders do cocaine and they just want to make sure you're down for life.
Feb 21 2014 10:59AM
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first_rodeo
Posts: 2385 - Karma: 7,781

its actually really hard finding unbiased information

either its companies pushing their products through forums yahoo answers or anti drug helicopter parents trying to fuck up your life

Feb 21 2014 11:23AM
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ZachAndCheese
Posts: 816 - Karma: 5,116
1. Find friend who is straight edge
2. Obtain his urine
3. Place urine in empty squirty glue bottle
4. Tape to inside of leg next to dick (they test body heat)
5. Squirt pee from bottle into test thingy
6. Profit
Feb 21 2014 6:34PM
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Jabe
Posts: 567 - Karma: 240
oil change
Feb 21 2014 10:29PM
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Jabe
Posts: 567 - Karma: 240
oil change
Feb 21 2014 10:29PM
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first_rodeo
Posts: 2385 - Karma: 7,781
haha i died at this!

"i go in to do some paperwork on monday "
do you think they will test me same day or be like here get this done soon.
Feb 21 2014 10:54PM
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ChillTeenDad420
Posts: 1858 - Karma: 5,512
don't overdo the niacin, an acquaintance of mine took too much and really fucked up his liver
Feb 22 2014 2:04AM
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skicashgolf
Posts: 13 - Karma: 10
your fucked dude.
Feb 22 2014 10:21AM
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cool_name
Posts: 4295 - Karma: 3,131
eat tons of poppy seed bagels
Feb 22 2014 1:27PM
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Charlie_Kelly
Posts: 11954 - Karma: 12,297
FYI OP, none of the "detox" items you listed above work. The only real way to get thc out of your system is exercise. just saying (from a guy who's passed many, many drug tests)
Feb 22 2014 1:39PM
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Joonas
Posts: 568 - Karma: 230
Pass drug screening? why dont you just fucking stop smoking until you've done it and passed it? Are you addicted to marijuanas?
Feb 22 2014 4:48PM
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Static
Posts: 8553 - Karma: 4,084
They will have you go to a lab, you'll get a 24-48 hr window to get it done.
Feb 22 2014 7:44PM
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jackmursko
Posts: 12 - Karma: 31
Get friend to piss clean into small bottle, put one side of a bendy straw into bottle and then gently shove the other end up through your sac and out your pee hole. Squeeze bottle into cup and your good to go!
Feb 22 2014 7:59PM
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first_rodeo
Posts: 2385 - Karma: 7,781

FIRST DAY WENT WELL

 12 came: THEY STARTED BINGE DRINKING JD with one of the guys homemade habanero sauce.     They told me not to wear a suit and to drink.

I complied and shooted the boot -- theres like 3 rugby alumni so im still a rookie to them

UFCK the haters spamming this post with fake detox

Feb 24 2014 1:50PM
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hey-dude-its-me
Posts: 4238 - Karma: 412
forget dilution and go with substitution

Feb 24 2014 1:54PM
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first_rodeo
Posts: 2385 - Karma: 7,781

Dilution is my primary option since I'm on a loading phase of creatine


Feb 24 2014 2:28PM
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Panda_with_Guns
Posts: 3040 - Karma: 1,620
or theyll give him a cotton swab test which only works on the past couple days.
Feb 24 2014 2:37PM
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Charlie_Kelly
Posts: 11954 - Karma: 12,297
It's 24 hours. My old job used to do it, you have one of those you are pretty much in the clear unless you smoked that morning.
Feb 24 2014 2:41PM
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first_rodeo
Posts: 2385 - Karma: 7,781
my doctor told me to drink a gallon of 2% or whole milk daily
Feb 24 2014 7:11PM
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123+ski
Posts: 2832 - Karma: 581
start working out, get in a sauna, eat well, anything you can do to lose fat. I would also suggest buying a home testing kit so that you can have some idea of your progress on it. For example, take one now, then another after a few days and see if the line is any lighter. This should at least give you an indication of where you are/how much you still need to do.
Feb 24 2014 8:13PM
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Panda_with_Guns
Posts: 3040 - Karma: 1,620
only do this right before the test, or else you wont actually lose the thc, just dillute it.
Feb 24 2014 10:22PM
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louie.mirags
Posts: 6015 - Karma: 5,029
Is that even possible? You would shit your pants hard. Doc is trolling hard
Feb 25 2014 7:53AM
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