I grew up in the midwest snowboarding. Poor parks and mountains so i progressed in urban, rails, etc. Even with countless trips to hood, breck, keystone, and the like i only found joy in landing bigger and better tricks, mostly on rails (i was mediocre at best at aerials). Just taking runs and tearing glades and smashing pow was a bore so i stayed in the park... until an injury and then another. After my second injury my confidence was reduced, i seconded guessed my abilities, i was hesitant. Frankly, I started to feel fear. This led to digress and then ultimately, dropping the sport all together. I went several years without setting foot on a mountain. During that time i developed dependencies to pain medication and suffered from severe depression and suicidal thoughts which led to attempts, multiple.
My family has always been casual, yet avid, skiers. Through my process of reconnecting with people I hurt, mainly my family, I set my feet in skis for the first time in my life and on a mountain in the first time in years. To just ski with my family, casually, a day on the mountain. No stress, no tricks I needed to land, no footy I needed to grab, just time with the family... simple. I felt finally happy for the first time, well, in my entire life. Freedom at last and all I was doing was carving back and forth down groomed blue trails. My battle with addiction still raged on and by the time I moved to Vermont I needed to inject heroin into my arm every several hours or I would go into nasty violent withdraws.
In June of 2012 I called my mother from a pay phone with change i begged for on the street. I had no home, no job, no friends. I begged for money or robbed and stole to get my fix.
"Mom, I need help."
"I know, Son."
The tears start flowing immediately.
We talk about my future. I am a 25 year old college drop out drug addict.
The course of action was set and I boarded a plane to Vermont about a month after our heart filled talk but not before staying in-patient at a hospital so they could monitor my withdraws and get me through them.
July 25th of 2012 was the last time I used any sort of mind altering substance be it booze, weed, or heroin. I was in Vermont living clean but still something was missing. A void in me that I used to fill with drugs. I got a job at a ski resort and rented a snowboard to try and relive my glory days. I failed, as I rode i could still feel that emptiness inside of me. I then recalled the feeling of being on skis, at peace in the middle of chaos. I returned the board and haven't touched one since. Skis were on my feet and I set back out on that mountain.
--> I haven't felt that void inside me since.
The serenity of the mountain on the skis filled it. I couldnt get enough. Being very familiar with snow sport "mechanics" I picked up skiing rather quickly. Busting through glades, bumps, whatever you put in front of me. I could overcome it. Just like my depression, just like my drug addiction. I could overcome it. I started to get back into the jibs and park recently at 26 years old and over and year and a half clean. Not for video footy or for competition. Just for me, perfectly content to straight airing over kickers and jibbing ride-on boxes... Im doing to because I love it. It has filled a void in me that i thought was impossible to fill. It gave me a new life, a new reason to go out and jog, a new reason to eat healthy, stay in shape. a new life. skiing grabbed my heart and I am alive and a better person because of it. I have an identity. I am a Skier. I dont have Line Skis but I do own that hoody :) Instead of obsessing over how I was going to get my next fix, Im obsessing over the snow dump that suppose to drop tomorrow. It made me into a better person, a good person, and gave me a new life. Maybe youll catch me on the slopes. Ill be the dude rocking twin tip, center mounted park skis and steezy tall hoodies all the while struggling to land that basic jib across the flat box but LOVING every second of it. Every yardsale, even snow face wash, ill come up with a smile on my face.
Thank you newschoolers, thank you skiing, I love you
If you are still reading.. I thank you. I know it was long but I wanted to share. I am sorry if there are grammar or spelling errors, I type fast and thoughts just flow out.
Thats my story.
-Ryan
