Member of the Month

theabortionator
April, 2025

Online

Welcome to the Newschoolers forums! You may read the forums as a guest, however you must be a registered member to post. Register to become a member today!

Car Help!!!!

profile picture
C.A.V.
Posts: 1706 - Karma: 1,644
So im getting a new car, it has to be under 24k and from a dealership becuase im paying month to month.

What i need:
automatic
fast as fuck
hatchback


i test drove a subie impreza 2013 2.oi and loved it but its pretty slow...


any suggestions help
12 years ago
169 52
profile picture
CaptainObvious.
Posts: 5713 - Karma: 20,647
Ford Focus ST? I don't fucking know, solve your own problems.
12 years ago
10 1
profile picture
SKIINGISEASY
Posts: 1552 - Karma: 2,200
Click for larger image
12 years ago
14 2
profile picture
gengar.
Posts: 1042 - Karma: 1,641
1. Subaru sucks.

2. Low and Slow not fast as fuck
12 years ago
2 23
profile picture
iFlip
Posts: 4544 - Karma: 19,146
I ran your parameters through the supercomputer that is my mind and came to the only possible conclusion. The only reason one could possibly need this combination is if one is tossing things quickly into the back of the car (which is why the hatchback is needed), one intends to leave the scene very quickly (hence automatic, can't shift and shoot gun at the same time), and one needs to outrun one's pursuers (hence fast as fuck). My supercomputer deducted that you are a drug runner. Since there is a tremendous amount of money in this high-risk, high-reward business, you really need the best that money can buy.

I plugged these parameters back into the supercomputer and it came back that a good choice would be the Porsche Panamera Turbo S. It is a 4-door (plenty of room for your hired help to protect you), "fast as fuck," a hatchback, and comes in a 7-speed automatic transmission.

You're welcome and enjoy your new car!
12 years ago
15 0
profile picture
C.A.V.
Posts: 1706 - Karma: 1,644
Hahah +k for making me laugh!
12 years ago
1 6
profile picture
Darth.Maul
Posts: 2472 - Karma: 652
Go to your local dealers and tell them you want those 3 things exactly as you worded them and see what they can get you.

Inb4 $85k car with huge monthly payment and insurance.
12 years ago
2 0
profile picture
JStrathern
Posts: 8747 - Karma: 1,536
Yeah listen to this girl, go slam a VW and call it a day

Don't forget to camber your wheels as much as possible
12 years ago
7 1
profile picture
RusselCrowe
Posts: 367 - Karma: 1,111
IMO id say for used cars go with

WRX

most audi wagons

Focus ST

Ford fiesta

12 years ago
5 0
profile picture
deepfriedtwinkie
Posts: 434 - Karma: 389
Its pretty hard to get a brand new car thats fast as fuck for under 24k.You could definitely get a slightly used car thats fast as fuck thats under 24k but it would probably have a decent amount of miles on it. Your probably gonna have to get rid of one of your requirements
12 years ago
1 0
profile picture
theblackrod
Posts: 2162 - Karma: 575
I think he means new to him, not that it has to be brand new
12 years ago
1 0
profile picture
C.A.V.
Posts: 1706 - Karma: 1,644
Test drove a VW golf TDI and it was awesome
12 years ago
1 1
profile picture
Chief.
Posts: 276 - Karma: 399
Click for larger image
mazda speed3
12 years ago
5 0
profile picture
.AR6rider.
Posts: 15976 - Karma: 8,799
I guess "fast as fuck" was a distant third place on your list of necessities, huh?
12 years ago
11 0
profile picture
HungryHypocrite
Posts: 765 - Karma: 939
nah bro, you got it all wrong, GTD or if you dont do diesel, GTI, or R, but you cant afford
12 years ago
1 0
profile picture
BroNamath
Posts: 113 - Karma: 21
just curious, why auto?
12 years ago
2 0
profile picture
.AR6rider.
Posts: 15976 - Karma: 8,799
In the other car thread he said he can't drive stick.
12 years ago
6 0
profile picture
BroNamath
Posts: 113 - Karma: 21
hahahahahahaha
12 years ago
2 0
profile picture
BroNamath
Posts: 113 - Karma: 21
but for real, ford focus svt
12 years ago
1 0
profile picture
RusselCrowe
Posts: 367 - Karma: 1,111
give us American's a break. were to lazy for stick
12 years ago
1 0
profile picture
penguiin
Posts: 1444 - Karma: 561
speak for yourself, I only own manual cars and it will be that way for quite a while.
12 years ago
1 0
profile picture
Randy_Quench
Posts: 5447 - Karma: 4,348
AN OFFENDED SUBARU OWNER HAS APPEARED
12 years ago
6 0
profile picture
RusselCrowe
Posts: 367 - Karma: 1,111
im speaking for all us lazy americans. but seriously i need to learn manual and my friend is teaching me soon. autotragic is boring
12 years ago
1 0
profile picture
CaptainObvious.
Posts: 5713 - Karma: 20,647
Dude, I thought you used to grannyshift and now you double clutch like you should? Fried any piston rings lately?
12 years ago
1 0
profile picture
RusselCrowe
Posts: 367 - Karma: 1,111
no thats Brian O'Connor im Brian Earl Spilner ya know the serial killer
12 years ago
2 0
profile picture
Daoust
Posts: 487 - Karma: 103
just reminding you that there is speed limits so having a faster car isn't going to improve your daily commute
12 years ago
1 5
profile picture
C.A.V.
Posts: 1706 - Karma: 1,644
well i magically learned to drive stick today in my friends o4 sedan wrx!

looking into this!

12 years ago
1 2
profile picture
Wheaty214
Posts: 1687 - Karma: 841
inb4 someone on NS buys car OP is looking at then shows it off to him
12 years ago
1 0
profile picture
RimJobber
Posts: 3313 - Karma: 10,058
Sti swapped forester
12 years ago
4 0
profile picture
Willgum
Posts: 3254 - Karma: 3,066
You must be a riot to hangout with
12 years ago
3 0
profile picture
cbj
Posts: 2114 - Karma: 1,136
If you can't drive stick, I strongly suggest learning how, it makes driving a car IMO way more fun... If you can't for other reasons, then the only thing I can think of is buying a used automatic Camaro or something and putting about 15k into the motor, make about 400rwhp and it would be ridiculous. Not hatchback but yeahh...

Or get an auto Subaru Legacy GT, they are twin turbo, 280 hp, AWD and are a wagon so you can fit your skis and all your bitches in it.
12 years ago
3 0
profile picture
daannnnieel
Posts: 5163 - Karma: 4,293
if you want to drive fast as fuck at least learn how to drive stick. If I can learn it at 3am drunk, being taught how to do it by another plastered 16 year old it can't be that fucking hard.
12 years ago
2 6
profile picture
cbj
Posts: 2114 - Karma: 1,136
drunk driving isn't cool man..
12 years ago
8 0
profile picture
earl.squirrelson
Posts: 228 - Karma: 206

nice claim,

it wasn't a stick though, you were just yanking your friend back and forth. you were 16, you've supressed the memory.

12 years ago
5 0
profile picture
cbj
Posts: 2114 - Karma: 1,136
kayngbangs dad could beat up your dad
12 years ago
2 0
profile picture
earl.squirrelson
Posts: 228 - Karma: 206
he said i have 2 mom's... does his dad beat women?
12 years ago
0 0
profile picture
daannnnieel
Posts: 5163 - Karma: 4,293
Not saying it is, it's fucking retarded. I'm not doing it again any time soon. We didn't die, and I learned how to drive stick without fucking up his parents clutch. In a optimistically fucked up way, it was a win win.
12 years ago
0 1
profile picture
daannnnieel
Posts: 5163 - Karma: 4,293
oh ok.
12 years ago
0 0
profile picture
Laurent.
Posts: 10056 - Karma: 25,311
After months of perseverance someone else is finally posting my Volvo picture.

It's official, it's a meme now.

Click for larger image
12 years ago
6 2
profile picture
Daoust
Posts: 487 - Karma: 103
Do you not realize almost any car he purchases will still be able to hit 140km on the highway, impreza included, when the limits 100km? My trailblazer sees 140km all the time on the highway and it is by no means fast and would get dusted by 2013 impreza.
12 years ago
1 0
profile picture
TechnoPotamus
Posts: 11626 - Karma: 3,522
and here we GO
12 years ago
0 0
profile picture
deleted5
Posts: 14507 - Karma: 13,510
It's not that I'm lazy, how can I eat, drive and talk on the phone while driving stick? it can't be done.
12 years ago
0 0
profile picture
IanAvery-Leaf
Posts: 9936 - Karma: 9,457
why would you choose to be a bitch?
12 years ago
3 0
profile picture
Blurst
Posts: 13577 - Karma: 10,169
hahah thats fucking embarassing.
12 years ago
1 0
profile picture
cool_name
Posts: 4295 - Karma: 3,136
yes it can, just get a good alignment and only shift when travelling straight, that way you shift and steer with the right hand and eat with the left .


also op look into the speed 3 its super quick, but im pretty sure it only comes in stick. trust me it is worth learning stickand isnt even that hard, after a week of driving stick you wont stall any more, and after a month you wont even have to think about
12 years ago
0 0
profile picture
Anathema
Posts: 21048 - Karma: 5,062
STOPPED READING AT AUTOMATIC

STOPPED THINKING YOUD GET THE POON YOU LITTLE FLAMINGO FAIRY BOY
12 years ago
3 0
profile picture
C.A.V.
Posts: 1706 - Karma: 1,644
well i got mini cooper s with stick i learned in like 20 minutes its so easy haha and the cars like a pimp ass go cart
11 years ago
1 0
profile picture
flyingsqirrel3
Posts: 91 - Karma: 305
why wouldn't you want an impreza????  such a nice car....   Why does it matter if it's fast, please explain
11 years ago
0 0
profile picture
caucasian_chad
Posts: 4078 - Karma: 3,625
Your knee, that's how.
11 years ago
0 0
profile picture
future-spins
Posts: 395 - Karma: 900
Click for larger image
11 years ago
2 0
All times are Eastern (-4); Currently it's 8:23AM