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Splitting the bill on a date

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roddy116
Posts: 10648 - Karma: 7,665
So a I went out with a girl last night, and she insisted on paying for half of the bill, and when I said that she did not she kind of got offended.

so pinknames I must ask you, was this girl psycho or is it just expected that girls pay for things now?
Oct 27 2013 12:53AM
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Benson.
Posts: 2739 - Karma: 3,787
I BEAT AIDAN-G HERE.
Oct 27 2013 12:56AM
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Aidan-G
Posts: 9415 - Karma: 10,861
Read the situation and the girl. Some want to pay for half, some don't. Not a universal rule
Oct 27 2013 12:56AM
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Benson.
Posts: 2739 - Karma: 3,787
But for a serious answer, I wouldn't let it bother you either way. I think if she feels strongly that she wants to pay for half, that just means she has a strong sense of independence. She isn't a psycho, and I feel like it is generally more accepted nowadays when women pay for things.
Oct 27 2013 12:58AM
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Aidan-G
Posts: 9415 - Karma: 10,861
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Oct 27 2013 12:58AM
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wzrdtrx
Posts: 276 - Karma: 211
It's 2013. If you really like this girl, let her do her thing, let her know you care, and let her know that eventually, you're going to end up buying her dinner.

Girls are weird, man. It depends on which one you're chasing after, but you'll never be able to figure them out. That's factual.
Oct 27 2013 12:58AM
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Download-My-Apps
Posts: 5069 - Karma: 1,017
I wish my gf felt the urge to split the bill. I have had to limit our dates now because of it
Oct 27 2013 12:59AM
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Finkle
Posts: 959 - Karma: 850
From my non pinkname point of view, She probably didn't want it to be so serious especially since it was a first date. I think you paying for it all is a nice gesture, but she was going out of the way to let you know  she could pull her weight also, and that she wasn't going to be one of those girls that relies completely off their boyfriends bank account. Some girls like to show they can be independent.
Oct 27 2013 1:02AM
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KingGeedorah
Posts: 890 - Karma: 1,577
I always make my bitch pay. If you don't then you a pussy ass bitch!
Oct 27 2013 1:02AM
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fupaface
Posts: 810 - Karma: 449
you should be celebrating, or not could mean you just got put in the friend zone

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Oct 27 2013 1:09AM
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Dr.Dickless
Posts: 2620 - Karma: 1,392
you sacrificed your first reply to give solid advice

you get a tard star

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Oct 27 2013 1:17AM
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deleted5
Posts: 14507 - Karma: 13,509
Why do you care, I thought you were saving it for marriage anyway?
Oct 27 2013 1:21AM
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Aidan-G
Posts: 9415 - Karma: 10,861
First you reject me because I don't have a hot bod and then you call me retarded. WHY CAN'T YOU ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM?
Oct 27 2013 1:23AM
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louie.mirags
Posts: 6015 - Karma: 5,027
You should discuss this with her. That is not right...
Oct 27 2013 1:31AM
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Willard
Posts: 5117 - Karma: 429
Last two times i went to bar with this girl she paid for my drinks before i could even get my wallet out. I'm not complaining at all, though i wish i could at least be equal.
Oct 27 2013 1:37AM
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Anathema
Posts: 21048 - Karma: 5,062
one of the best first dates i've been on is where they girl went and paid before i even had a clue and when i asked for the bill the server was like "it's taken care off already"

i looked at her and she smiled and i was so impressed. total panny dropper.

that girl done good.
Oct 27 2013 1:43AM
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BlakeG
Posts: 1450 - Karma: 1,030
The girl im with insists oh paying for half saying it's an independence thing
Oct 27 2013 2:22AM
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ATLskier
Posts: 8203 - Karma: 406
I dated a chick that would refuse to allow me to pay for her. To her my action of paying for her was saying that she was a weak woman who couldn't pay for herself. If I opened a door for her, she would just stand there and not walk through, using the same logic as paying and refusing to believe it was just a nice gesture. It didnt last long.



Anyways, the way I see, paying for a girl on a date is an illustration of a nice gesture and that she is worth your time and money. The different in paying just half of the bill and not the whole tab is basically saying, you are worth $20, but not $40. Of course, I guess it's a little different if she is insisting. If I were in the situation, I would have paid the full bill, and told her she could pick up the next one.
Oct 27 2013 2:39AM
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yourthemannowdog
Posts: 4541 - Karma: 314
If it's a first date than that may be kinda weird. My gf and I were trying to figure out to split the cost of a trip/date so it's fair. We both agree that it's kinda sexist to have the dude always pay all the time
Oct 27 2013 2:45AM
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roddy116
Posts: 10648 - Karma: 7,665
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Oct 27 2013 2:54AM
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roddy116
Posts: 10648 - Karma: 7,665
why is it sexist? I know that the guy paying is "old fashioned" but why do some people view it as bad?


further more why is it sexist to hold the door or open the door in the car for a lady?
Oct 27 2013 2:56AM
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El_Barto.
Posts: 11661 - Karma: 24,356
Because you probably wouldnt do it for a man. Being sexist isnt inherently bad though, same with being racist. Youre just acknowledging that there is a physical difference between people. Its when you get into the whole power associated with those differences that you cross the line into the danger zone of being an asshole.

I go out of my way to hold doors for girls. Its not sexist, its called being a gentleman
Oct 27 2013 3:29AM
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Finkle
Posts: 959 - Karma: 850
Well in a larger perspective would you marry and have your wife not work to support part of the family. I feel like this day and age that's just useless. Women have the same opportunity to get a degree and make a living as any male. It's okay to courteous.
Oct 27 2013 4:01AM
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californiagrown
Posts: 9794 - Karma: 2,014
Ive had it happen, this is what i did:

"no, ill pay for the first date, you pay for the second, deal?"

The chick wants to pay for something to feel like she is an equal contributer. Cool. I just let her pay for small stuff, eg i buy the dinner, she buys the gelato/icecream after, i buy the alcohol, she buys the drunk munchie food. It works well and keeps both parties happy.
Oct 27 2013 4:26AM
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rigzz
Posts: 1768 - Karma: 147
This is the best way to deal with it, pay the big stuff but she still pays some small stuff to make her feel like she can pay for it! I use to do that with my ex and it was the best way to make us both happy!
Oct 27 2013 4:42AM
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Finkle
Posts: 959 - Karma: 850
Okay to be*** ....on mobile.
Oct 27 2013 6:01AM
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theBearJew
Posts: 10951 - Karma: 15,633
That's just a bit much. I can understand wanting to pay half and pull your own weight. But not walking trough the door when someone is holding it for you is crazy. No disrespect to your ex.

As for OP, I feel like as long as she doesn't start making huge things out of nice chivalrous gestures you do because it makes her seem weak, I think you're okay.

I have no problem with a girl wanting to be independent and show she can take care of herself, but rejecting nice gestures is a bit much. That's a girl who has a chip on her shoulder and feels shes got something to prove. I don't need to deal with that.
Oct 27 2013 9:15AM
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1337
Posts: 31064 - Karma: 29,404
smoothest way to handle the situation
Oct 27 2013 9:35AM
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TechnoPotamus
Posts: 11626 - Karma: 3,522
dealt with a range of situations like this before.

a.) girl accepts the nice gesture, is very thankful, awesome. makes you feel good

b.) girl insists you split it, ok no problem, great.

c.) girl frequently asks you if you want to go out for drinks or dinner, never offers to help out, you start to wonder if you're being taken advantage of.


Over the summer I was dating a girl who was still in college, so I knew she was essentially a broke college student and that's fine. So of course I paid for dinner for us and drinks but this girl would ask me to hang out and go out for drinks multiple times a week. I basically don't drink, but I really really liked her a lot so I went along with it for a little while but time and time again she would run up the bill ordering expensive drinks, and then expect me to pay for it over and over again.

Maybe I'm crazy, but it started to annoy me. Paying $100+ a week to go out and basically let her have drinks on me very quickly started to feel like she was taking advantage even though we hung out plenty aside from that and were hooking up and all that jazz. Idk...I think it should be a 2 way street. I'm all for being a gentleman as much as possible. but as somebody else said, it gets to the point where you have to limit your dates because you can't really afford to burn money like that.
Oct 27 2013 9:52AM
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Huck_Norris
Posts: 11487 - Karma: 18,627
Marry her.
Oct 27 2013 10:47AM
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Miomo
Posts: 4302 - Karma: 14,135
Haha, okay. The self-acclaimed "King of Shredsauce" interacts with females. That's funny.
Oct 27 2013 11:22AM
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saskskier
Posts: 4774 - Karma: 10,005
I always offer to pay first with my g/f. Sometimes I end up paying, sometimes it's split and sometimes she pays. It's only a big deal if you make it one, although I would definitely insist on paying for the first date.
Oct 27 2013 11:24AM
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saskskier
Posts: 4774 - Karma: 10,005
Most if my friends do that. It's not a 'you're a woman, stay home' kind of thing, but a 'why should I use a huge portion of my income to pay for child care to have someone else raise my children, especially when they are younger.' The moms that do stay at home get incredible joy out of raising their kids (and many if these moms have degrees and good jobs prior to becoming parents).
Oct 27 2013 11:53AM
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louie.mirags
Posts: 6015 - Karma: 5,027
Also, when kids under the age 5 are left to childcare services and not their patents, it is the same as being abandoned... takes a psychological toll on the young mind that most parents do not notice because they are too busy working two jobs to afford a big screen and a SUV..
Oct 27 2013 1:30PM
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1337
Posts: 31064 - Karma: 29,404
hahahaaahaa i just picked up on this too. i call shenanigans!
Oct 27 2013 2:34PM
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paige.
Posts: 1932 - Karma: 926
Girl here.

If a guy insists on paying I wouldn't be offended or argue with them, but I'm definitely more comfortable splitting the bill on the first couple of dates. I feel like some guys develop expectations once they pay, and these expectations increase with the amount of money they spend - like I owe them a kiss, or sex or something because they bought me dinner a couple of times and a bottle of wine. Although I know this isn't the case with anyone I would want to continue dating I rather keep things on even footing as I get to know them, once I'm comfortable with them I'll happily let them treat me periodically.

Also, once it is apparent I'll be seeing the guy for longer we switch from splitting bills to alternating who pays because it's simpler. We will tend to do the - 'this was my idea so I'm paying' - if I'm dragging the guy somewhere he wouldn't necessarily want to go on his own he shouldn't pay for it, if he surprises me with dinner I shouldn't pay for it. This is great because it is obviously fun to spoil somebody you care about.
Oct 27 2013 3:03PM
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motionmovement
Posts: 108 - Karma: 59
There's absolutely no reason why the man should pay for the cost of the date. That is a relic of a past culture in which the men worked and the women tended the household and raised the children. The woman didn't have an income so the man paid for everything. Now, women and men both work and have an income so each can pay for the cost of the date.

If a women insists on paying for half, then let her. It's probably because of one of these reasons.

1) She doesn't want to feel pressured later to do something sexual because you paid for the date

2) She isn't interested in you romantically and doesn't want you to get the wrong idea (friend zone)

3) She agrees with the contemporary notion that the man should not pay for the whole cost of the date

Oct 27 2013 3:35PM
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cannaguts666
Posts: 504 - Karma: 256
Fuck send her my way. Ill glady let her pay for half. I'm sick of dishing out cash on dinner to not even get a fuckin ole fashioned handy on the way home. Ungrateful bitch.
Oct 27 2013 3:43PM
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paige.
Posts: 1932 - Karma: 926
Perfect reinforcement of my point. The girl isn't (guaranteed to be) crazy, she just doesn't want to feel indebted to entitled guys.

(I realize you are joking, but I have heard several guys say things like this and mean it)
Oct 27 2013 3:58PM
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louie.mirags
Posts: 6015 - Karma: 5,027
Great point about the guy expecting something in return if they pay... that is def true and leads to a harder let down.
Oct 27 2013 4:07PM
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cannaguts666
Posts: 504 - Karma: 256
I'm not joking. If I pay for dinner, even the gas to drive her to dinner so she can pay, she owes me something in the sexual desire department.
Oct 27 2013 4:15PM
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Dr.Dickless
Posts: 2620 - Karma: 1,392
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID
Oct 27 2013 5:39PM
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Bodhisattva_
Posts: 5749 - Karma: 2,009
Lol yes
Oct 27 2013 6:11PM
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