My Subway Story

So you wasted someone's time? Cool story, bro.

What.

you sound like a total piece of shit. congratz

stopped reading after this.

Synopsis: written by 14 year old stoner, bought sub, stuck hands and sub in toliet, feels like a big man.

Repost, you didn't even do it right either.

You are the worse type of person. I hope karma pecker slaps you in the face.

You're all over reacting. It's his job to clean up afterwards.

great decision.

You're such a good prankster. OP is the coolest kid at Subway.

You actually managed to find a way to fuck up a simple copy/paste job. Good work, OP.

since money means nothing to you, can you paypal me a lousy $18?

Fucking reposts

this didn't happen to you fuckface

oh man you totally had everyone fooled.

OP still sucks massive cocks regardless if he trolled us or not.

Did your dad touch you when you were a kid? It sounds like you've got some underlying self esteem issues where you have to make someone else feel shitty to 'feel good'. You said this kid was being negative - but I think it was really you that was bringing the bad vibes. Maybe one night when you're smoking the devils lettuce you should reflect on your life and you'll realize what a giant piece of shit you actually are.

I actually laughed pretty hard.

He woke up to his alarm at 7:20 am, the monotonous buzzing he had listened to for the past seven years, as if the late 90's clock radio was now its own section of his brain. He checked his phone: no new texts. He checked his email: three spam messages, a phishing scam, and a response to his customer service inquiry about the crippling side effects of his newest acne medication. Linda could not offer him a refund, rather she suggested he contact his physician about the rash and acute heartburn.

He limped into the bathroom of his studio apartment above a seafood restaurant, sandwiched between the town's #7 train line and the Planned Parenthood office. His lack of health insurance prevented him from ever treating the bone spur in his heel, and it had morphed into a tender, puss-filled, balloon that had prevented him from walking correctly for the past four years. He opened the medicine cabinet. He did not need anything from inside since his illegally obtained bottle of antidepressants was finished, rather it was an intentional tactic to avoid the shame of having to stare at his wretched face in the stained mirror. He wet his toothbrush. No toothpaste. He sat down on the toilet and passed a terribly uncomfortable bowel movement that nearly caused him to utter a cry in pain. At least the three days of constipation was over. No toilet paper.

The wooden staircase creaked as he clomped down the worn steps towards the street. Before getting on his bike he tucked in his forest green and black polo shirt and rolled up the right leg of his black polyester pants. A light drizzle built up droplets on his arms as he embarked on the three mile commute to work. After chaining his bike to the grate on the side of the building, he unrolled his pant leg and adjusted his black visor with yellow and white writing on it.

Towards the end of the day a kid who had attended his high school banged his way into the store. He had always though of himself as the lowest of the losers at school, but this kid almost offered him hope since he belonged to an even lower echelon of creatures who believe that smoking lots of weed actually provides social respect.

He made the sandwich for John. He remembered John well. He did not remember the other boy's name, but every time he had seen him in the halls at school he thought to himself "fucking faggot." He knew that Fucking Faggot was doing. It was a commonplace tactic among brain dead high kids who thought wasting a sandwich was terribly amusing. Fucking Faggot asked for all of the veggies. He always liked sticking his hand in the bin of cold, wet lettuce. Even through the thin plastic glove he could feel the shreds caressing his hands. With horror he realized he was becoming aroused. The bin of olives did not help either, and the jalapenos, all beautifully congregating together on the cheesy bread. After scooping extra tuna and wrestling the sandwich into submission he was fully erect and throbbing, a black stake protruding from his polyester pants. He quickly rang the kid up for the sandwich. 18.50. Fucking Faggot went to the bathroom to stuff the sandwich down the toilet, but he did not care. He ran in back, still erect. He grabbed a container of teriyaki chicken and dumped it down his pants. Then he stuck his arm in the tub of marinara sauce and began slathering it over his clenched buttocks. He was approaching climax. He took the tub of mayonnaise and dipped his testicles into it and immediately spaghetti began exploding out of his pockets. His body grew in size and he burst out of the building becoming a 30 foot tall beast with a massively erect penis. That was when it happened.

OP does weed

And I was called an ass hole for not tipping pizza delivery drivers haha

Are you implying that I should have tipped him? Because that's just not me. I don't tip.

.

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Thanks for being the typical American and over consuming.And you didn't even eat it? Did you even earn that money? How many hours did your whore mother work to pay for that and flushed it..

Is OP trolling? Probably, either way he probably buys 20sacs lol.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

OP is the coolest kid in school

What thread did this story originally come from? I recall it being a good thread.

Yup, you sure got us alright.

this. this story.

well that didnt really work... /:

For 18.50? Sounds like the jokes on you.

that was very well written. good job.