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Queen elizebeth rips chris christie a new one

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bakedpow
Posts: 8770 - Karma: 10,467
http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2013/07/queen-elizabeth-rips-chris-christie-on-gay-marriage.html?mobify=0

LONDON (The Borowitz Report)—Moments after approving a new law legalizing gay marriage in England and Wales, Queen Elizabeth II of Britain unleashed a blistering attack on New Jersey Governor Chris Christie for “lacking the guts” to do the same.

The British monarch’s brutal evisceration of Gov. Christie stunned observers, who did not know that she was such a close follower of his gay-marriage stance.

“I don’t like to badmouth people,” she said. “But I’m the head of a monarchy that began in the ninth century, and I’m apparently more modern than Chris Christie.”

After shocking observers with her opening salvo, she continued to tear Gov. Christie to shreds.

“Look, I know he has to appeal to the crazy right wingers in his party,” she added. “But the fact is, he’s not as forward-thinking as an eighty-seven-year-old lady who wears a crown on her head. It’s pathetic.”

Asked if she had advice for Gov. Christie, the British monarch said, bluntly, “Just sign the damn bill, Chris.”

Responding to a reporter’s question about the upcoming royal birth, Elizabeth replied, “Tell you the truth? I’m just glad the kid’s not being born in New Jersey.”

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Photograph by Dan Kitwood/POOL/R
Jul 25 2013 2:52AM
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HolySchimmel
Posts: 1601 - Karma: 1,297
good for her
Jul 25 2013 2:54AM
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Holte
Posts: 10740 - Karma: 7,814
I'm not really in the New Yorker's prime demographic, but there are a few amazing Borowitz Reports.
Jul 25 2013 2:59AM
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LoathesRaisins
Posts: 3612 - Karma: 4,735
Hopefully the fatass doesn't run for president in 2016.
Jul 25 2013 3:05AM
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whoa-dere
Posts: 10596 - Karma: 7,103
lets bet on when shes gonna die
Jul 25 2013 5:28AM
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Laurent.
Posts: 10056 - Karma: 25,313
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Jul 25 2013 5:44AM
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.MASSHOLE.
Posts: 7480 - Karma: 11,480
Beautiful. Simply beautiful.
Jul 25 2013 7:34AM
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CliffyByro
Posts: 5678 - Karma: 3,903
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Jul 25 2013 7:55AM
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lineskier10
Posts: 11339 - Karma: 796
shes got a lot to do with laws being passed in england because shes the queen so i guess she knows what shes talking about
Jul 25 2013 9:02AM
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Huck_Norris
Posts: 11487 - Karma: 18,627
I fucking DIED.

Who knew she was such a ball buster hahahaha that was awesome
Jul 25 2013 9:14AM
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2_fadez
Posts: 7780 - Karma: 4,183
What position does the Queen hold in the modern British government when they have parliament, a Prime Minister etc? Like what does the Queen do besides being a status symbol?
Jul 25 2013 9:20AM
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GayWolf420
Posts: 37380 - Karma: 119,942
That's great and all, but chris Christie isn't the president.
Jul 25 2013 9:26AM
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edai
Posts: 4987 - Karma: 4,653
By now I don't actually think the queen has any official political power, however considering her incredible wealth and status I'm sure she has a method of getting her way
Jul 25 2013 9:59AM
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Mr.Sloth
Posts: 5091 - Karma: 13,469
You know you're in trouble when the queen of England calls your ass out
Jul 25 2013 10:00AM
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Huck_Norris
Posts: 11487 - Karma: 18,627
*influence
Jul 25 2013 10:00AM
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GayWolf420
Posts: 37380 - Karma: 119,942
Yeah, she's been in her seat for all the major wars since WWII. The old bitch has superior seniority.

That's a total slam what she said. Fuck joisey, though. Only people from jersey think its a good state.
Jul 25 2013 10:02AM
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snwbrdmilf
Posts: 22441 - Karma: 2,805
Best part. lulz
Jul 25 2013 10:05AM
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feihlination
Posts: 8356 - Karma: 1,084
i dont believe the stupidity in this thread. who in their right mind would believe that the queen would talk like that? this thread is full of complete morons.
Jul 25 2013 10:14AM
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J.D.
Posts: 21362 - Karma: 5,142

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Guys... it's a joke. It isn't real. It's a satirical article.

Why on Earth would you think the Queen would even care about who Chris Christie is?

Jul 25 2013 10:17AM
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~Gotama~
Posts: 821 - Karma: 3,160
you guys know this is a satire article, right? thats why its tagged as "humor" at the bottom. do you really think the queen gives a shit about what the governor of New Jersey thinks?
Jul 25 2013 10:19AM
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CaptainObvious.
Posts: 5712 - Karma: 20,638
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Jul 25 2013 10:26AM
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Spinoza
Posts: 12763 - Karma: 3,846
"Not as forward thinking as an 87 year old lady who wears a crown on her head". Lol
Jul 25 2013 10:33AM
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CliffyByro
Posts: 5678 - Karma: 3,903
im gonna be honest i actually believed it was true at first despite my surprise. i also actually have never heard of chris christie and i really just wanted to use that gif haha
Jul 25 2013 10:59AM
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howlongcanausern
Posts: 4982 - Karma: 1,737
cognitive bias > rational thinking
Jul 25 2013 10:59AM
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bakedpow
Posts: 8770 - Karma: 10,467
wait for real?
Jul 25 2013 2:23PM
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LoathesRaisins
Posts: 3612 - Karma: 4,735
Damn, I really wish this was real. I am a moron. *facepalm*
Jul 25 2013 2:53PM
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Becker88
Posts: 12 - Karma: 9
Who cares. Really
Jul 25 2013 3:00PM
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danbq2310
Posts: 141 - Karma: 362

Degeneration is just another form of invasion, stuff it, mind your own business.

Jul 25 2013 3:32PM
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BoogieWoman
Posts: 408 - Karma: 664
As head of state the Queen has the right to rule: the people of Britain are not citizens, but subjects of the monarch.

The Queen has two individual powers that could cause a political crisis if they were ever exercised. She may refuse a government's request to dissolve parliament and call an election, if she believes a government can legitimately be formed. She also has the right to choose the prime minister: a formality in the case of a clear majority, but potentially controversial after an inconclusive general election.

Pretty powerful biatch.
Jul 25 2013 3:41PM
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jblaski
Posts: 5566 - Karma: 1,078
There is zero chance that I believe one word of the article. It feels like it was written by a high school freshman.
Jul 25 2013 5:50PM
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Spinoza
Posts: 12763 - Karma: 3,846
okay.
Jul 25 2013 6:04PM
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ESB
Posts: 9274 - Karma: 10,648
I'd just like to note that this is the probably the first, and probably also the last, time that a link to the New Yorker will ever be posted on Newschoolers.

Jul 25 2013 6:42PM
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ESB
Posts: 9274 - Karma: 10,648
Here, might as well make it the second time someone links to the New Yorker. Let's get liberal and literary up in this bitch.

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2013/07/opponents-of-stand-your-ground-propose-new-law-dont-shoot-me-for-absolutely-no-reason.html

"Opponents of Stand Your Ground Propose New Law: Don't Shoot Me For Absolutely No Reason"

TALLAHASSEE (The Borowitz Report)—Opponents of Florida’s Stand Your Ground law are attempting to mobilize support for a new law called Don’t Shoot Me for Absolutely No Reason.

The proposed law, which faces major opposition in the Florida legislature, would make it illegal for people in the state to shoot each other for no reason whatsoever.

“Under the provisions of Don’t Shoot Me for Absolutely No Reason, you will be required to have an actual reason for shooting someone,” said a spokesman for the measure, Harland Dorrinson. “This will be a first in Florida.”

The controversial bill has already drawn the ire of the National Rifle Association, which issued a statement today saying that requiring someone to have a reason to shoot another person would violate the Second Amendment.

“If you force someone to have a reason to shoot someone, soon you will be taking away his right to shoot that person altogether,” the N.R.A. said.

“We are not in principle against the idea of having a reason to shoot someone,” the N.R.A. continued. “But we believe you should be allowed to shoot the person first and have the reason second.”

Even if Don’t Shoot Me for Absolutely No Reason somehow passes in the legislature, Florida Gov. Rick Scott said today that he would veto it, telling reporters, “Making people in Florida have a reason to shoot each other would fundamentally change our way of life.”

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Photograph by Education Images/UIG via Getty.
Jul 25 2013 6:45PM
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