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Things Dads Say

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YourMomsCouch
Posts: 311 - Karma: 4,039
I think most dads say witty, sarcastic, and emotionally damaging things that they don't usually mean.
What does your dad say to you?
Some of my favorites:
"hey you"
"You're not going out like that, you look like a skank"
Me:"Dad, I wanted a dipped cone" Him: "You can dip it in shit"
"Someone put you on our doorstep"

Jul 13 2013 5:12PM
229 11
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jcc03skis
Posts: 1002 - Karma: 1,020
wut
Jul 13 2013 5:13PM
14 0
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liftedresearcher
Posts: 1140 - Karma: 1,775
my dad always says "youre asking for it if you dress like that."


Jul 13 2013 5:13PM
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.Jacob
Posts: 1838 - Karma: 1,160
"Bite the pillow, it's going in dry!"
Jul 13 2013 5:16PM
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alex=
Posts: 1738 - Karma: 2,835
He called me a fuck up once when I was 8 after he picked me up from the principal's office. I thought it was pretty funny.
Jul 13 2013 5:20PM
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Chubz.
Posts: 13918 - Karma: 25,661
damn son where'd you find this
Jul 13 2013 5:23PM
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Spagett+
Posts: 3499 - Karma: 14,884
"I thought I pulled out"
Jul 13 2013 6:04PM
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shelbskis
Posts: 203 - Karma: 712
This. I hear it all the time hahaha
Jul 13 2013 6:05PM
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Mr.Sloth
Posts: 5091 - Karma: 13,469
"Why can't you be straight like everyone else?"
Jul 13 2013 6:08PM
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RimJobber
Posts: 3313 - Karma: 10,058
Get off the stupid Internet.
Jul 13 2013 6:21PM
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hippy.
Posts: 3106 - Karma: 14,364
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Jul 13 2013 6:34PM
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wynnyk
Posts: 1638 - Karma: 555
^ahahaha came here to post that, dad dicks are always the biggest
Jul 13 2013 6:36PM
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.squirrely.
Posts: 7563 - Karma: 7,546
.
Jul 13 2013 7:10PM
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cool_name
Posts: 4295 - Karma: 3,131
you have a lot experience in that field
Jul 13 2013 7:47PM
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whoa-dere
Posts: 10596 - Karma: 7,103
i like him
Jul 13 2013 10:43PM
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987321654hgfd
Posts: 5133 - Karma: 5,447
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Jul 13 2013 10:53PM
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sarahtumbas
Posts: 87 - Karma: 79
"how many beers do you need?"
"do you have darts? Are you going to go smoke?"
"oh, is this your boyfriend too?'
"You're paying for dinner right?"
Jul 13 2013 11:05PM
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deleted5
Posts: 14507 - Karma: 13,507
http://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/10860635-sh-t-my-dad-says
Jul 13 2013 11:07PM
1 0
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WVskiing
Posts: 3007 - Karma: 1,949
Lets put it this way

My dad wheres a 12 EE STEEL TOE
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I will leave it at that
Jul 13 2013 11:11PM
1 1
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Anathema
Posts: 21048 - Karma: 5,061
when my dad would say "jesus wept" i would know he's really, really unhappy about something.

or a big "for GODS sake" when something didn't go his way. like the blue jays blowing a lead in the 9th.


Jul 13 2013 11:15PM
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SterlingArcher
Posts: 2200 - Karma: 2,456
Get a hair cut
Jul 13 2013 11:32PM
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katie.
Posts: 2833 - Karma: 874
While reaching for a snack of some sort, my dad will turn and look at me seriously and say, "Kate, why don't you just have an apple?"

or my fave... "Do you think you really need that cookie?"

Thanks, dad. I feel great about myself.
Jul 13 2013 11:35PM
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Byron_tha_gr8
Posts: 4573 - Karma: 14,299
i hope you're posting this from the gym
Jul 13 2013 11:47PM
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katie.
Posts: 2833 - Karma: 874
Nope, but I'm posting it after my 9 km run today!

Dick.
Jul 13 2013 11:54PM
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Byron_tha_gr8
Posts: 4573 - Karma: 14,299
i just posted that because i'm uncomfortable with my own weight. I'm sorry, i shouldn't take out my personal insecurities on strangers. Well done with the 9k run, lord knows thats what i need.
Jul 13 2013 11:56PM
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J-C
Posts: 1138 - Karma: 3,683
This and fuck sake when are you going to cut your hair
Jul 14 2013 12:07AM
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SamwiseTheGamgee
Posts: 686 - Karma: 817
"when I was in college, my friends caught me dancing on stage with a freaky girl who had an albino python around her neck...yeah I was into edgy girls"

^actually happened today


Jul 14 2013 12:12AM
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Pigeon.
Posts: 2366 - Karma: 3,979
"I just want to talk" "What the hell is this shit" Turn that awful excuse for music off" "Wake the fuck up" "Read a book"
Jul 14 2013 12:52AM
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Pigeon.
Posts: 2366 - Karma: 3,979
"I just want to talk" "What the hell is this shit" Turn that awful excuse for music off" "Wake the fuck up" "Read a book"
Jul 14 2013 12:52AM
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Skibumsmith
Posts: 5432 - Karma: 11,820
"You're in my chair."
"But I was here first."
"Did you pay for it?"

"Did you see that?"
"What??"
Grabs food off my plate
Jul 14 2013 12:59AM
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ilikedolphins
Posts: 129 - Karma: 120
"dont make babies"
Jul 14 2013 5:04AM
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JakeAssBeatClap
Posts: 6673 - Karma: 2,537
"Do you want me to put a nipple on that?" referring to beer
"Hey dad how was your day?" "Shit man I'm living the dream."
"Little schoon quit smoking so much."

Jul 14 2013 5:20AM
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cameron_taylor
Posts: 325 - Karma: 446
"Take that fucking condom off your head," referring to my beanie.
"All your mates are dicks," after meeting one of them while they were high.
"Did you fuck her?" every time i go out with a girl.
"Ok, my legs are tired, you take your brother skiing, i'm going to get pissed," while in a bar up the mountain with no way to get down other than skiing,
Some french guy tried to hug him on new years once: "Try and touch me again and i'll knock you out."

While in a french apres-ski bar, his friend (already pissed) walked up to some guy with a pink mohawk and pushed his hand through it, frenchman shouts a load of angry french words and my dad, since he doesn't speak french, came over and shouted a load of french sounding words in his best french accent then screamed "FUCK OFF" loud enough for the whole bar to hear...
Jul 14 2013 7:18AM
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KennyD
Posts: 264 - Karma: 537
"If you get a girl pregnant I will personally chop your dick off"
"I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it"
Jul 14 2013 8:19AM
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Charlie_Kelly
Posts: 11954 - Karma: 12,297
"You're the UPS mans kid" to which I respond "well than thanks for raising me ass your own!"
Jul 14 2013 10:02AM
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.squirrely.
Posts: 7563 - Karma: 7,546
when you getting a haircut
Jul 14 2013 11:34AM
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VIEBS.
Posts: 76 - Karma: 158
"I would tell you to relax, but if you get any more relaxed you're gonna shit yourself"
Picking up phone calls from friends/collegues/whichever male calling him: "Hi honey!"
"When are you going to make me a grand child?!"
Jul 14 2013 12:49PM
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Phil-X-
Posts: 7205 - Karma: 14,399
"You dont deserve to carry on our families name"



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Jul 14 2013 1:51PM
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SFB
Posts: 8895 - Karma: 26,352
"your gonna get fat if you keep eating that junk food". dad pls.
Jul 14 2013 1:53PM
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7springsprod
Posts: 2661 - Karma: 3,181
Pretty much whenever I do something stupid I get "Did you learn anything?"



Jul 14 2013 2:21PM
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triss
Posts: 1293 - Karma: 2,916
"Ur the mAn"
"I love u"
"Ur the beSt son anyone could have"
"Let's go get ice cream"
Jul 14 2013 11:05PM
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MontanaMountains
Posts: 385 - Karma: 699
guarantee my dad can kick the shit out of any of your dads
Jul 14 2013 11:09PM
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whoa-dere
Posts: 10596 - Karma: 7,103
psssh
Jul 15 2013 2:26AM
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DaffyDaDak
Posts: 864 - Karma: 433
my dads richer then yours
Jul 15 2013 2:29AM
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walterson
Posts: 450 - Karma: 2,373
"weed is for pussies"
"get a buzz cut this time"
"
Jul 15 2013 9:11AM
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SamMcChesney
Posts: 2905 - Karma: 2,199
Jul 15 2013 10:53AM
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Bjudes
Posts: 174 - Karma: 331
"When I was your age I got 50 hours a week and you only get 35 hours at $11/hr at the age of 16, get a second job, be more like me and your other family members"

"Don't back talk me

"You need to save %80 of your money"

Me:"My car is low on gas"
Dad:"You mean my car, even though you gave me $3000 dollars for another car that your mom took because she liked it more then her car and now we won't give you your money back, but it is still my car, even though you own more then half the car"

"When I was young..."
Jul 15 2013 9:45PM
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