Replying to Mermaid theory

It has come to my attention that mermaids are now in control of the government. You may think that im mentally unstable but I assure you, i speak nothing but the truth and i have supporting evidence. On January 2nd, 2013, Nathan BROdegard was swimming across the Atlantic Ocean and and was visited by a majestic mermaid named Swag McGee. This mythical creature came upon him because of his flagrant Barack Obama swim trunks and the mermaid brought him down to Atlantis where it bestowed the wisdom of the mermaids upon Nathan, and he grew gills.   ( "Atlantis most certainly existed. If you want proof, you merely have to look around at people or our society today. WE are Atlantis; we are the new Atlanteans; we are the aftermath of ancient events on Earth. Atlantis was EDEN. We still retain memories of ‘perfect’ times or a Utopian age and a Heaven on Earth deeply buried inside our blurry subconscious. In truth, we HUMANS are a prehistoric space colony that landed on this planet; built a paradise here (60,000 years ago) and it has been downhill ever since.") When Nathan returned to the shores of Maine, he realized that dolphins had followed him all the way back to shore. Nathan was freaked the fuck out. The dolphins WALKED ONTO THE SHORE and began to speak to nathaniel. They told Nathan that they were the dolphin disciples and needed to give him important imformation on the mermaids. The three dolphins, Johnson, Dwight, and Bobson told nathan that the mermaids were truly controlling everything that the human race has done, and mermaids were in fact evil. Dwight told Nathan that " thy mermaids are making their final move towards world domination". Nathan couldnt believe what was happening. How would he deliver the message to the people of the WORLD in such short notice. Who the fuck would believe this inconceivable bullshit? Mermaids and Atlantis? So N4than called up his friend Bill O'Reilly and told him what had happened? Would Nathan be a Pinhead or Patriot? Find out on the next report. (Nathaniel was high as a kite while he wrote this)