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October, 2024

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I'm not feelin' to hot, need some advice.

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Sketch*
Posts: 150 - Karma: 197
So I've been feeling really really down for the past couple of months and at this point I'm not sure what to do. Lately all me and my parents have been doing is fighting non-stop about everything, skiing, my friends, my girlfriend, and the two big ones are smoking and my grades. This tri in school for me has been pretty bad (mostly C's and D's) but i still have a 2.6 GPA, but I'm failing a 2 classes right now and my parents keep telling me i should just drop out because I'm going to fail out of school anyway they even called a meeting with the principle and he said the same thing, and it put me into a really bad funk, and i started smoking weed a lot, more than I probably should, but it helped, I was really depressed even suicidal, not so much I wanted to kill myself but I hoped I would fall asleep and not wake up kind of depression, but the smoking always keeps my mind off of things like that and was the only thing besides skiing that really helped me function like a normal person, but lately my parents have been freaking out at me for it and took away my skis and said I don't get them back until I piss clean and I really don't know what to do, when I do try to quit those bad thoughts just pop back into my head. Also my parents are divorced and my dad hates my girlfriend and won't even let me see her except at school when I'm at his house, she's the most amazing girlfriend ever though she's so nice and supports me in everything I do, but she's moving to a town thats 2 hours away and i can't get a car until spring (lack of money/jobs in my town) and I really don't know what I'm going to do when she leaves. I'm also trying to get sponsored because I'm the best skier my age in the area (I live in northern MI) but my dad constantly belittles my skiing and won't let me compete, he also tells me how there's no way I'm going to sponsored on regular basis. Sorry for the novel NS, I just needed to get it off my chest ant advice would be really helpful.

and don't say anything if your going to be a jackass.
Feb 23 2013 5:30PM
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joshua
Posts: 5046 - Karma: 1,280
Quit smoking, it doesn't do anything for you, and you will probaby make your parents happy and it might help with your grads, which in turn will perhaps make your parents more willing to helpi you out with skiing and you're girlfriend.

If you don't mind me asking? Why do your parents dislike your girlfriend? Any specific reasons you can point out?
Feb 23 2013 5:38PM
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joshua
Posts: 5046 - Karma: 1,280
*your
Feb 23 2013 5:38PM
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timmi
Posts: 12874 - Karma: 3,460
I'm sorry your dad is recommending you drop out of school? Did I read that right?!
Either way, if you were a good student before and this drop and lack of motivation is sudden, then it sounds like it could be actual depression (and not the BS my girlfriend left me and now I'm sad depression). I'm usually not quick to jump to depression because half the world has a bad day or week and thinks they're depressed.

Talk to a councellor, see if they will refer you to a therapist. They will hopefully point you in a direction where you can start to sort yourself out and get yourself on the right track. I wouldn't rely on self medicating yourself with pot.

Above all, persevere through school. At the very least get your highschool diploma. Your life will just suck without it.
Feb 23 2013 5:42PM
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Peachbutt
Posts: 623 - Karma: 601
Not trying to burst your bubble, but try to no count on getting sponsored. There are unbelievable numbers of kids out there who are just as good and want it just as badly as you.

Other than that, I say grab life by the throat and show everyone wrong. But of course it's easier said than done.

Hope everything works out for you OP.
Feb 23 2013 5:42PM
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panojibber.
Posts: 1041 - Karma: 683
How old are you man? Sort of a key piece of information.
Assuming you're in your last year of high school, I say just finish school, try to pull off a 3 gpa, then move the fuck out, get a job and do what you want. Once you're gone and supporting yourself your parents will probably stop being such cunts, you'll be able to see your girlfriend whenever you want, and you'll have the freedom to ski if you want to.

And yeah, drop the weed.
Feb 23 2013 5:44PM
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Sketch*
Posts: 150 - Karma: 197
She told him to stop being so hard on me over text and he thought it was rude.
Feb 23 2013 5:45PM
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Phil-X-
Posts: 7205 - Karma: 14,399
1- Stop smoking
I know it seems hard and it helps with your depression but still. I was smoking a minimum of 5 times a day for the last year (like without a single day off) or so and was able to put it down in one day a couple weeks ago (personal choice) and felt fucking great when i stopped. Seriously, you start getting some drive back and actually remember most things. Its crucial to make the rest of this work

2- Teachers
Go to your teachers and explain yourself, its never to late. Tell them youve been in a funk and had some problems with your personal life. You need to show them that you want to do better. Tell them that what your currently doing is unacceptable and you need to fix it before it gets worse. Ask them for help and opportunities to improve your grades.


3-Figure shit out with the parents
Tell them that you know youre in a really bad spot at the moment and its reflected in your attitude towards them. Say that you want to get better/do better and that you'll need both their help. Tell them you quit smoking and working with teachers to do better in class n that youre willing to do whatever it takes to get your life together


4-Girlfriend
2 hours away and you cant even drive yet? Might want to end that sooner then later. Because its going to happen eventually. It'll be easier to do it on a mutual level then later on and be broken about it.

5- Start fresh
Start working out, self improving or get a job. Working out/self improving will give you drive and a schedule to work by. Crucial in staying organized. Itll also help you go to sleep at night without smoking, which will be hard at first


most importantly stay organized and make a schedule. Have a check list of what you need to get done and do it, checking things off feels great


op, do it. You can
Feb 23 2013 5:47PM
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[hamnuts]
Posts: 2356 - Karma: 439
#1. Quit smoking. Its definitely not gonna help make things better in the long-run, it seems like its wrecking your relationship with your parents and its gonna definitely screw over the rest of your ski season. I know this may sound stupid to you at this point, but there are better ways to make yourself feel better. Sitting at home and smoking isn't gonna get you outta this funk.

#2. Work hard to improve your grades. Take the time to do your homework, ask the teacher or that smart kid in the front row for help, and ask around and see if there is anything you can do to bump up your mark. Homework sucks, but its the only way you're gonna get through school, so stop handing in assignments late, study for tests, and actually spend time on the work you're doing. As soon as you start putting in the effort you will start to see results, I promise. And if studying isn't getting you anywhere and you are still struggling then ask your parents if you can get a tutor. If not, go to extra help sessions after school or during lunches. Showing the initiative will really help make a difference.

#3. Take the time to appreciate what you have. From what I can see you have a pretty special girl in your life, and although your parents sound like they can be jerks I think that at the end of the day they have your best interests at heart. It seems like the whole meeting with the principal was them trying to get you to step up your game academically - not them trying to make you even more depressed. Just try to think about the positives. I know its hard but maybe just take the time to write down what you DO have going for you right now (your amazing girlfriend, your skiing talent etc.) and focus on being grateful for those things.

If you can do all of that stuff I promise you life will get better. Just thinking on the positive side for a few minutes each day will do wonders to improve your self-esteem. If you can quit smoking, you'll piss clean, get your skis back, and improve your relationship with your parents. If you can manage to boot your grades and show some responsibility and initiative then your relationship with your parents will get even better, and you won't get so down on yourself. Getting good grades feels amazing, and studying/doing homework is definitely a great distraction from moping around. Also, maybe you could try to strike a deal with your dad, something like "if I get a b+ average in school then can I start to do some small ski competitions?" Who knows, maybe he will be more inclined to let you compete if you straighten yourself out a bit.

Sorry for the novel, but I hope it helps.
Feb 23 2013 6:08PM
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Anathema
Posts: 21048 - Karma: 5,061
go find a big set of titties and SQUEEZE EM.

you'll feel better, man. boobs have the power to make all your pain go away, even if only for a moment.
Feb 23 2013 6:13PM
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Lt-Aldo-Raine
Posts: 2309 - Karma: 120
That is rude.
Feb 23 2013 6:15PM
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Sketch*
Posts: 150 - Karma: 197
How so?


And thanks everyone, I forgot to mention i am cutting back on smoking like 3-4 times a week instead of 3 times everyday, hard to quit cold turkey, cause it also helps with my anxiety amongst other things, but really thanks for the advice.
Feb 23 2013 7:03PM
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Phil-X-
Posts: 7205 - Karma: 14,399
Because he is your father, not a 1_ year old who thinks they know best, when theyve known you for only 5> years.


Imagine in the future if you were raising a son and one day some totally random girl your sons age texted you complaining about how youre raising him. Thats a giant fuck you to a parent and shows the girl is going to try and have you rebel against what he is trying to instill in you.
Feb 23 2013 7:10PM
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.AR6rider.
Posts: 15976 - Karma: 8,799
I think your dad probably has a right to "be hard on you" when you're acting like a stoner deadbeat who's about to fail out of school, and your 2 month high school girlfriend really has no say in it.
Feb 23 2013 7:10PM
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Phil-X-
Posts: 7205 - Karma: 14,399
truth hurts op, but this is exactly what it looks like from an unbiased perspective. The only way to change that is with what me and other people posted in this thread
Feb 23 2013 7:12PM
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andstuff
Posts: 1118 - Karma: 61
Your dad is probably being hard on you because from the sound of it, you're a stoner/loser who can't get his shit together enough to pass high school, which takes little more than a pulse to complete with good grades.

I hate to sound harsh, but it's the truth. Smoking weed to escape from your problems is childish and a waste of time, money, and any potential respect from your parents. If you want your dad to stop riding your ass, give him a reason to. Don't just sit around and be a deadbeat while your girlfriend passes rude offhand remarks to your father, who in all likelihood, has every reason to give you a hard time.

Him telling you to drop out/quit skiing is a little over the line - probably him just overreacting because he's frustrated with you. I promise if you start acting like a respectable and responsible person, your problems will disappear.
Feb 23 2013 7:36PM
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joshua
Posts: 5046 - Karma: 1,280
What? 3-4 times a week is still a fair amount.... It is probably hard but c'mon, you can do it. I'm not saying this to be mean, just trying to help.
Feb 23 2013 7:37PM
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andstuff
Posts: 1118 - Karma: 61
And for the record, when I was in high school I was in the exact same predicament you're currently in. My life stayed shitty as I kept making up new excuses to shift the blame, but when I finally came to my senses and said "you know what, I'm being a piece of shit. Sorry everyone," everything got better.
Feb 23 2013 7:38PM
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Sketch*
Posts: 150 - Karma: 197
Well I've been going out with her for about a year and two months, and all she did was ask him to not tell me that I'm never getting sponsored along with trying to not scream at me the second he sees me, she didn't word it like that though she was really polite in the way she said it, no reason to not let me see her.
Feb 23 2013 7:48PM
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Charlie_Kelly
Posts: 11954 - Karma: 12,297
this. your life could be far, far worse. I really feel no sympathy. You have all the power to make your life better and you are CHOOSING not too. Quit whining and buck up.
Feb 23 2013 7:50PM
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timmi
Posts: 12874 - Karma: 3,460
You gotta understand she was overstepping her boundaries by saying that. It was between you and him and I would be taken back if somebody butted their head in as well.
Feb 23 2013 7:51PM
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Macblizzle
Posts: 905 - Karma: 183
get bag of pot... face that shit
Feb 23 2013 7:53PM
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roddy116
Posts: 10627 - Karma: 7,421
1. ditch the sticks- not doing any good other than wasting money
2. talk to teacher's and see if you can do make up work
3. say you're not going to drop out.
4. ditch the girl, unless she can help you out with homework or if you just like hanging out with her.
Feb 23 2013 7:56PM
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WillStart
Posts: 3955 - Karma: 3,192
not really
Feb 23 2013 8:22PM
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Rachy
Posts: 4355 - Karma: 2,761
drop out of school for now.

find a volunteer program abroad that takes care of room and board. Get parents to pay the $700 flight or apply to some businesses in town for a sponsor.

Go to India or Africa, or South America or where ever, do some good for other people who have nothing and realize how fucking good you have it.

Come back to Michigan knowing you've made a huge difference for the lives of some people and know you are capable of doing things greater than yourself. Let the inspiration continue and finish school.

It seriously sounds like you are in a serious rut. The above may sound extreme, but so is failing out of school and upsetting everyone you care about.
Feb 23 2013 8:35PM
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joshua
Posts: 5046 - Karma: 1,280
Are you kidding me? He isn't dropping out of high school, he CAN finish, thats cool thing to do and all.. but get your diploma first, he CAN do it, he just needs to drop the ganj, smarten up a bit and hit the books.

But, I'm not you OP, and NS has no way of telling just how depressed you really are. If you drop the weed and are really feeling suicidal, get professional help.
Feb 23 2013 8:38PM
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andstuff
Posts: 1118 - Karma: 61
Actions speak louder than words. The very fact that she felt inclined to address him about it is a direct slap to the face, regardless of how polite she was. Being polite doesn't mean shit when she's overstepping her boundaries.

You have to look at it from his perspective. His son is being an irresponsible stoner, and his high school girlfriend (a person whose existence means fuck all) has the nerve to open her stupid adolescent mouth and tell him how to raise his son, which was provoked by his rightful measure to give his son a hard time because he won't harden the fuck up and be a man.

I'm sorry dude but your girlfriend was 100% in the wrong, and every excuse you make to say otherwise demonstrates that you don't fully understand how responsibility works (yet).

The good news is that you're young, which means not only is it understandable that you're having these problems (I'd be lying if I said I wasn't an irresponsible shit-head in high school), but you are currently at the peak of your time/resources to do something about it.
Feb 23 2013 8:48PM
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Rachy
Posts: 4355 - Karma: 2,761
Maybe my highschool was entirely different, but if a student got sick or something really wrong happened, they could leave school for the semester and be a semester behind.

Assuming this kid just started spring semester of whatever year in highschool, that's at the most 7 classes he is then behind in.

He goes and figures shit out, gets his life together then if he only has those 7 classes, he can make it up with summer school, or he can go back and due a grade over. If he is in his senior year, perhaps there is a way to get some of those credits through a homeschooling program or something can be arranged where he gets to do the ceremony but not actually get his diploma until the various things needed are completed.

When kids are like... "oh, so why are you a year behind," The response of, "I was volunteering for this program in India" makes you sound really fucking badass.

So finish school, absolutely. Just do it when you have your act together and you're healthy.
Feb 23 2013 9:08PM
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k-rob
Posts: 14217 - Karma: 2,891
tell you what. drop out, take however many months off to work and save money, then get your GED (it's equivalent to a diploma but it's the easiest thing you'll ever do). move the fuck out with the money you've saved, your dad's negativity is not a motivator and it's obviously affecting you negatively rather than positively. there are shitloads of successful stoners out there, but if your parents are gonna piss-test you then don't fucking do it because that will just add negativity to your life. also you sound like an addict (using even though it affects you negatively in terms of your relationships and productivity), get some help with that, get addicted to things that influence you positively instead.
Feb 23 2013 9:14PM
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Sketch*
Posts: 150 - Karma: 197
I really didn't word that right I really meant a couple times on the weekend and once or twice during the week when I ski. My parents took my skis yesterday and haven't smoked since, which isn't an achievement of any sort, but it's a start?
Feb 23 2013 9:31PM
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joshua
Posts: 5046 - Karma: 1,280
Yeah, its a start, but I would try and just drop it completely if I were you.

You mentioned that if you don't smoke, you start to feel very depressed. If you really rely on weed to keep you sane, then I would recommend getting some professional help with the issue, just in case you might actually have some depression issues.

Feb 23 2013 10:09PM
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joshua
Posts: 5046 - Karma: 1,280
I mean, I'm not expert here or anything, just my 2 cents.
Feb 23 2013 10:12PM
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Backyard.Skier
Posts: 5397 - Karma: 1,497
finally some good advice
Feb 23 2013 10:18PM
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YUNG_milksteAk
Posts: 1437 - Karma: 4,328
The first semester of this year I finally got medication for my depression, I was smoking still because it was fall and I was super bored, my medicine wasn't working very well, and my grades were c's and D's. I was really depressed and my parents were pissed all the time. I was somewhat suicidal, so my parents brought me to a specialized adolescent rehab place, I was there for 3 days and it really helped, now I am going to a therapist weekly, getting a's and b's and my relationship with my parents is great. Haven't smoked in like 4 months and intend to keep staying away from it. Hope you figure this out man! Good luck .
Feb 23 2013 10:34PM
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Lt-Aldo-Raine
Posts: 2309 - Karma: 120
I think a good start for the gf dad thing is for her to apologize, in person. That would hopefully clear things up in that sector.
Feb 23 2013 11:08PM
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Bogs
Posts: 4296 - Karma: 1,361
Your dad sounds like a dick. So does your principal. Pretty unbelievable that he is actually ADVISING you to drop out of school. It's literally his job to try and help you do better.

Like everyone has said, stop smoking. Or at least cut back. Try and talk to your dad? It seems like you really need him to lay off a little. Doesn't seem like him being hard on you is helping anything. I know it didn't go well when your girlfriend tried, but maybe he'll listen if he hears it from you and not her? And try to think about all of this from his perspective; he'll be more sympathetic towards you if you try and understand his side of things.
Feb 23 2013 11:57PM
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chicken
Posts: 6843 - Karma: 2,122
Dropping out of school does not make you a complete failure. There are many people who are just not ready for the traditional path to "success"

Highschool->university->grad school/job

However getting your highschool diploma is much easier now than it will be as an adult. Perhaps more importantly it will be cheaper.

When I was in senior year of highschool, I was just done with it. I wasn't smoking as much weed as you but I was only interested in skiing. I still managed to graduate on time, but I had a low GPA, not high enough to get into university. I left highschool with no intention to go to university and basically spent a year skiing nearly everyday.

Then I decided to upgrade my marks and apply for university just one year later. Even looking back at myself then I was not ready for school yet. I regret not taking two years off to ski TBH. I did not do well in my first year and it haunts me to this day, not just on my GPA but also in the fundamentals that I missed out on.

All I really can suggest is that you stop smoking so much weed, finish school and don't stress about your GPA. You need a diploma to do much with your life but you don't always need a great GPA. If you do need a good GPA you can always upgrade.
Feb 24 2013 12:28AM
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Sketch*
Posts: 150 - Karma: 197
This is basically what I was planning on doing as far as going to collage, I have all intention to finish high school though, this is the only tri (my school has tri's not semesters) were I've had more than one or two D's or F's, I score really high on all my tests and have never not gotten credit for a class.
Feb 24 2013 12:36AM
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volvotom
Posts: 2045 - Karma: 712
Have you thought about taking you state's high school equivalency exam and going to community college early?

My brother did that after his sophomore year and ended up as a Junior Level student at a University of California at age 18.
Feb 24 2013 1:07AM
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Arabian
Posts: 680 - Karma: 1,037
Go see a therapist and get some actual help. It's clear that your parents have no understanding of how this sort of thing works, and aren't doing anything productive to help you. Sorry about that. The first thing you should do, though, is stop smoking. Second, go see an advisor about counselling - there's probably some cheaper social workers in the area ready to help you. It really is good to go see one. It doesn't sound like you're talking about your problems with anyone. Wallowing in your misery is the worst thing you could do. Trust me.
Feb 24 2013 1:14AM
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