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ok listen closely.
you have aids, but there's good news. have you seen 'the ring'? because aids works like the tape. all you have to do is fuck someone in the ass and you'll be free of your aids. you have 6 days.
If a bag of all the leftover orange Starbursts that no one wants doesn't appear on your bed in 4 hours, go see a doctor, because that means you were lying down when it happened, and there is now a large bag of unwanted orange Starbursts in your intestines.