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Need help getting back at my house mate

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BrewskiJr
Posts: 5738 - Karma: 1,478
Here's the deal.

One of my housemates (1 of 7) is the biggest slimeball/piece of shit person ever. He doesn't contribute anything to the house and refuses to do anything (like help taking out the trash/buying toilet paper). Today was the last straw. He clogged the toilet and refuses to unclog it. He also didn't pay rent until we got threatened with eviction.

I don't think I can possibly explain how big of a slimeball this kid is. Gimme ideas of how to get back. Anything small won't do the trick. This kid needs a big fuckin attitude adjustment.

+++K for great ideas
Jan 31 2013 12:17AM
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CandyNipples.
Posts: 340 - Karma: 51
Fuck his mom
Film it
Post it to the Internet
Become a famous pornstar
Acquire wealth
Move out
Then ding dong ditch him LOL
Jan 31 2013 12:20AM
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iFlip
Posts: 4543 - Karma: 19,132
Pranking/fucking with one's housemates is a TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE idea that NEVER goes well. Do not do it. He knows where you sleep.
Jan 31 2013 12:20AM
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Darth.Maul
Posts: 2472 - Karma: 652
Cayenne pepper in his lotion.
Jan 31 2013 12:20AM
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JeremyClarkson
Posts: 1599 - Karma: 1,934
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9RMu0mOHX3I
Jan 31 2013 12:21AM
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Barefootin_Fiend
Posts: 7618 - Karma: 4,727
How about you evict him?
Jan 31 2013 12:21AM
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Jeebus.
Posts: 4904 - Karma: 5,822
This, but habanero peppers or extract in his face wash. shit will chemical burn his face.
Jan 31 2013 12:22AM
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BrewskiJr
Posts: 5738 - Karma: 1,478
I dont think you understand. All of us are onboard. He even admits hes the biggest piece of shit. He just doesn't give a fuck
Jan 31 2013 12:23AM
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Darth.Maul
Posts: 2472 - Karma: 652
Can you talk to a higher up and get him evicted? Surely if all 6 of you agree that he does nothing, you can get him kicked out.
Jan 31 2013 12:24AM
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ChungBol
Posts: 1075 - Karma: 34
Day 1: tear apart his room
Day 2: hide many sex toys in various places in his room
Day3: put a dildo in the mail sayin it's from his mom and that it's her old one
Day 4: tell him it was all you and you PRANKED HIM
Jan 31 2013 12:25AM
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BrewskiJr
Posts: 5738 - Karma: 1,478
we would but the rent is pretty damn pricey (per person) and we don't wanna cover it
Jan 31 2013 12:25AM
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whoa-dere
Posts: 10596 - Karma: 7,103
HAHAHAHAHA
shit inside his pillow

before he showers, unscrew the showerhead and put shit in there

shit in his shoes, then stuff it down to the toes

pee on a plate, freeze it, slide the frozen pee under his bed

throw a slice of pizza in his closet

put a bottle of milk somewhere in his room

fuck it just poop everywhere
Jan 31 2013 12:25AM
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Huck_Norris
Posts: 11487 - Karma: 18,627
This. There is no trick, just get him the fuck out.
Jan 31 2013 12:26AM
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Spinoza
Posts: 12763 - Karma: 3,846
these ideas arent that outrageous if you actually want to get him. do a good one and tell us about it.

or evict him
Jan 31 2013 12:29AM
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Peter.
Posts: 23796 - Karma: 13,014
jizz in the mayonnaise
Jan 31 2013 12:30AM
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Darth.Maul
Posts: 2472 - Karma: 652
He won't get a pimple for 1 month afterwards so he will thank you later.
Jan 31 2013 12:32AM
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BrewskiJr
Posts: 5738 - Karma: 1,478
+++K
Jan 31 2013 12:34AM
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Brentizzle
Posts: 1584 - Karma: 1,871
+K for epic ideas. just burst out laughing by myself.

Jan 31 2013 12:43AM
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ggfski42
Posts: 651 - Karma: 700
step 1: find new roommate
step 2: gather other 6 roommates and pummel shitty roommate to a pulp
step 3: move in new roommate
Jan 31 2013 12:47AM
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BeefiestExpert
Posts: 2804 - Karma: 3,277
Put laxatives in his drink before he goes to bed. Then put saran wrap under the toilet seat but over the bowl. You should hear yelling or cussing and thats when you know when you did good.
Jan 31 2013 12:54AM
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.Hugo.
Posts: 17360 - Karma: 28,485
BUt he won't clean it up and op would be the one to have to do it
Jan 31 2013 1:48AM
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lineskier10
Posts: 11339 - Karma: 796
refusing to unclog the toilet is fucked up shit, id be fucking pissed how about all 6 of you just kick the crap out of him until he does it then continue to do that every day until he moves out
Jan 31 2013 1:59AM
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JAHpow
Posts: 7282 - Karma: 17,176
Hahaha, OP I think this is what you want
Jan 31 2013 2:08AM
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rickroller
Posts: 2468 - Karma: 483
dip his toothbrush in the clogged toilet/ his pillow
Jan 31 2013 2:20AM
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JAHpow
Posts: 7282 - Karma: 17,176
or another toothbrush idea, take his toothbrush and scrub/itch yours and all your roomies poop chutes with it.
Jan 31 2013 2:34AM
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Huck_Norris
Posts: 11487 - Karma: 18,627

Bahaha ok weird story time.  A friend's whole huge extended Greek family was all attending a wedding, and so they all were staying in a hotel.  One family unit's (for lack of a better term) room was lightly ransacked on one of the days while they were out, but nothing was missing.  Camera still there, jewelry,  etc was all still there so they just continued their trip. 

They got home and took the time to look through all their pics...  And thre were a few of random people's asses with their toothbrushes stuck up their poop chutes.

I imagine seeing the horrified look on their faces and die laughing all the time.  I've met the people it happened to several times, but I was told ahead of time to NEVER EVER BRING IT UP.  I guess the mother gets really upset haha

Jan 31 2013 10:18AM
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Mr.Huck
Posts: 6096 - Karma: 14,896
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I did this to a roommate who pissed me off. Super glue everthing he owns to the floor, desk, etc. Superglue his car keys to his bedside table or desk. Superglue his shoes to the floor. Basically, whereever he leaves his shit, make it stay there permanently. Anyway, this worked for me.
Jan 31 2013 10:25AM
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snwbrdmilf
Posts: 22441 - Karma: 2,805
Ruthless. But with good reason I'm sure. hahahahaha
Jan 31 2013 10:33AM
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fortyvalve
Posts: 1442 - Karma: 1,573
what i got from this was that he barely pays rent, would it make much of a difference if he was gone?
Jan 31 2013 10:40AM
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Mr.Huck
Posts: 6096 - Karma: 14,896
Yeah Ash. It was definitely the nuclear option, but it was well deserved. It was all worth it to see him get yanked off of his feet and wipe out, when he tried to grab his keys on the way out.

Another good one is to forward his cell phone to some random number, like the center for debilitating STDs. If they leave their phone unlocked, it's usually *72 and then the number. People will call them and immediately be transferred to whatever disturbing organization you have selected. They will hear their phone ring, but won't be able to answer it.
Jan 31 2013 10:47AM
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midwestpowhunter
Posts: 2198 - Karma: 189
pranks are reserved for friends not asshole broke slobs. Sit him down, logiically explain to him that there are expectations in a group living situation, if he wants to continue his living arrangment this is what we as a household expect of you. If he cant fall in line then he needs to find someplace else to live. Remember that he will more than likely get defensive and try to reallocate blame; for example(well you always leave your laundry in the dryer). Make sure that you stay calm and objective. Requiring the rest of the household to cover his rent and leaving a clogged toilet is much more disrespectful. The key with this conversation is to not let it get heated. Make sure he knows that you are coming to him out of respect for him and that you only ask for the same respect in return. If he acts like a dick he gets to move. /thread
Jan 31 2013 10:47AM
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CheddarJack
Posts: 5203 - Karma: 7,380
This is so good. OP you should superglue his shit to the toilet too! Or better yet, take it out and superglue it to his pillow that you superglued to his bed
Jan 31 2013 10:50AM
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Barefootin_Fiend
Posts: 7618 - Karma: 4,727
I'm pretty sure your friend is bullshitting you. That's a pretty old story. I remember hearing a version of that when I was younger except it was a house that was broken in to - not a hotel room, but the story was pretty much exactly the same.
Jan 31 2013 10:53AM
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feihlination
Posts: 8356 - Karma: 1,084
urban legends for the win. over here there is one around where a good friends friend was at a party and everything was pretty wild and a few guys there are pretty good skiers. the party is in one of the upper floors of a big appartment building where noone really knows each other.

so they decide all of a sudden to ski down the stairs. only problem is that an older woman leaves her flat in that moment and the "skier" hits her. she breaks something and ends up in the hospital.

after a few days, the "skier" decides to come clean with her and goes to apologize to her in the hospital. after arriving, he learns that she is not in a regular department, but in the locked ward (idk if its the right term, the department for crazy people). he asks why, and the nurse tells him that she claimed to have been hit by a skier on a staircase. he then says, "yeah, well, i am the skier".

blablabla, everyone laughs. i have heard it from three different sources, and everybody claimed it was true. their "friend" was always someone they dont personally know but with whom they are having a remote connection (like colleague at work's son/brother, best friend's friend, etc.) all of them were pretty sincere though and were probably fucked over by their colleague or friend.
Jan 31 2013 11:56AM
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RimJobber
Posts: 3313 - Karma: 10,058
Go Full Metal Jacket on him. Have two roommates hold him down and the rest beat him with soap bars in tube socks. Bring friends over for more enjoyment.
Jan 31 2013 1:16PM
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POTandPans
Posts: 590 - Karma: 46
Trust me Ive done this and it worked
Jan 31 2013 1:38PM
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FLBP
Posts: 1794 - Karma: 310
Pour bleach in his shampoo and food coloring in his body wash.
Jan 31 2013 1:44PM
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Idahoskier420
Posts: 719 - Karma: 86
Gorilla mask (pubs glued to face while sleeping)
Jan 31 2013 1:54PM
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Mr_Bump
Posts: 689 - Karma: 427
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Jan 31 2013 2:00PM
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Huck_Norris
Posts: 11487 - Karma: 18,627

Yeah never in the history of the world has someone heard something funny and done it to someone else.  Silly me. 

Jan 31 2013 3:25PM
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Pigeon.
Posts: 2366 - Karma: 3,980
1) put wasabi into his toothpaste, and a little at the top so he doesnt notice (you can also substitute other things i.e. jizz, piss, heroin)

2) remove showerhead, put some beef in it. when he showers, if it works properly he will smell like beef

3) get him really drunk and get him to marry a prostitute

4) get him drunk and shit in his bed, convince him he did it

5) get some tampons, dip them in marinara sauce, rub them all over his face/barrage him with "used" tampons

6) saran wrap the toilet seat

7) saran wrap his door

8) glue the tops of all his pens on.

9) put pam or another cooking spray on toilet seat

10) put a balloon over his tailpipe

11) get a CD. cut one side off, so the little hole thing is still intact. put it into his computer, and shut it. when he opens his computer, the disk will begin to spin, making an awful noise (without damaging the computer) and he will think his computer is fucked

my contributions, i hope they inspire you, or you use one/several of them
Jan 31 2013 5:37PM
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whoa-dere
Posts: 10596 - Karma: 7,103

use a magnum, it's supposed to be able to expand to as big as a bathtub. he'll look like a fool
Jan 31 2013 5:46PM
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Soja.
Posts: 216 - Karma: 144
Sure that stuff literally never comes off haha this is a solid idea
Jan 31 2013 6:16PM
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RimJobber
Posts: 3313 - Karma: 10,058
Isn't that what I said? Maybe OP needed visual aid to get the point across.
Jan 31 2013 6:28PM
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newnewschool
Posts: 400 - Karma: 439
have your other roommates make loud noises every night (preferably with girls). Say you won't stop being a douche until he does.

Or just nuke him. That usually works
Jan 31 2013 7:51PM
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ILLinoisance
Posts: 3527 - Karma: 5,398
find a bunch of cars in a parking lot, put a note on each of them saying "sorry i hit your car, call me if there are any problems" with his number at the end. let the hilarity ensue.
Jan 31 2013 7:55PM
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alvy.
Posts: 2134 - Karma: 377
circle jerk on him while he sleeps with your other bros
Jan 31 2013 8:25PM
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-dAvE-
Posts: 677 - Karma: 74
You should buy rlly smelly cheese and hide it every where in his room. Like in his pillow, all of his shoes under the insoles, in his closet and all his drawers so all his clothes smells. every pocket of his backpack. Cheese his entire lifeee!
Jan 31 2013 8:40PM
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GayWolf420
Posts: 37397 - Karma: 120,244
Anything shit-related is good. Shit in his shoes, his Hats, pockets of his dress shirts, drawers, pant pockets, everything.
Jan 31 2013 8:43PM
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Barefootin_Fiend
Posts: 7618 - Karma: 4,727
http://www.snopes.com/racial/crime/toothbrush.asp

and if you find that shit funny, you got a fucked up sense of humor. not saying it absolutely didn't happen, just highly unlikely.
Jan 31 2013 8:51PM
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POTandPans
Posts: 590 - Karma: 46

You gay or something?

Jan 31 2013 9:20PM
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