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KilaTsunami
October, 2024

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I would really appreciate a few jokes in my current state.

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FrenchFry
Posts: 969 - Karma: 3,432
Tell me the best joke you know!
Jan 23 2013 12:29AM
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Joebin
Posts: 1664 - Karma: 867
Woah calm down and ask nicely.
Jan 23 2013 12:30AM
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bighomieflock
Posts: 2040 - Karma: 2,445
Person A: knock knock
Person B: who's there?
Person A: to
Person B: to who
Person A: *to whom

Well I tried
Jan 23 2013 12:31AM
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Puns
Posts: 2052 - Karma: 429
a pun is its own reword
Jan 23 2013 12:32AM
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Sno.
Posts: 12155 - Karma: 6,152
i thought the "well i tried" was part of it....i was thinking "well thats a dumb way to end the joke..."
Jan 23 2013 12:35AM
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homestar
Posts: 2124 - Karma: 4,197
I saw this one on reddit and thought it was pretty good.


Two men are playing golf.

The women in front of them are really taking their time and are slowing the men up.

So one man says to his friend, "I'm gonna go ask those ladies if we can play through."

He starts walking, but about halfway there, he turns around. When he gets back, his friend asks what happened.

He replies, "One of those women is my wife, and the other is my mistress. Why don't you go talk to them?"

So the second man starts to walk over. He gets halfway there and turns around.

When he gets back, his friend asks, "Now what happened?"

To this he replies, "Small world."

Jan 23 2013 12:38AM
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plaplapla
Posts: 435 - Karma: 70
a man walks into a bar
ouch
Jan 23 2013 1:15AM
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Sno.
Posts: 12155 - Karma: 6,152

A blonde is in a movie theater and the guy next to her starts wacking off

She leans over to her friend and goes "eww, the guy next to me is jerking it!"

Her friend goes "just ignore him, this movie is really good."

So the blonde ignores him.

15 minutes later she leans over to her friend again "the guy is still jerking it! I can't pay attention to the movie."

Her friend says "omg, just ignore it!"

So the blonde tries to ignore it.

10 minutes later the blonde leans over to her friend "seriously, he is STILL going at it..."

the friend says "are you kidding me? ignore it!"

The blonde says "I can't....he's using my hand!"

Jan 23 2013 1:20AM
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Chunter
Posts: 2050 - Karma: 1,894
What did the Mexican say when the house fell on him?

Get off me holmes.
Jan 23 2013 1:23AM
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Rafiki
Posts: 3858 - Karma: 2,251
want to hear a joke about paper?



















nevermind it's tearable
Jan 23 2013 1:29AM
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Dlud
Posts: 938 - Karma: 544
What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?

An investigator!
Jan 23 2013 1:52AM
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Sno.
Posts: 12155 - Karma: 6,152

i thought this was king of cute, but i told it to another person in the room and the response was "that's terrible." and "worst joke ever."

haha

Jan 23 2013 1:54AM
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Rafiki
Posts: 3858 - Karma: 2,251
they don't understand basic humor
Jan 23 2013 2:00AM
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Casey
Posts: 7847 - Karma: 24,309
I'm claiming this.
Jan 23 2013 2:04AM
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Sno.
Posts: 12155 - Karma: 6,152

well maybe you should subscribe to pay-per joke.

get it...pay-per (paper)

i win.

Jan 23 2013 2:05AM
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Casey
Posts: 7847 - Karma: 24,309

I'm not sure I understand. Are you referring to jokes about paper?

Jan 23 2013 2:06AM
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Sno.
Posts: 12155 - Karma: 6,152
I don't put much stock in your aloofness.
Jan 23 2013 2:13AM
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Aidan-G
Posts: 9415 - Karma: 10,861
Sherlock Holmes and Watson are out camping. Sherlock wakes up in the middle of the night and then promptly wakes up Watson. Sherlock asks, "Watson, when you look up and you see the stars right now what does it say to you?" to which Watson replies, "Well I think it means that the universe is infinitely vast and that there is so much out there that we can't possibly know it all. What does it say to you Sherlock?" Sherlock takes a breath and says, "To me, Watson, it says, that someone has stolen our tent."
Jan 23 2013 2:38AM
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gucci_mane
Posts: 533 - Karma: 17
i giggled
Jan 23 2013 2:45AM
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e.wait
Posts: 869 - Karma: 1,954
that was wonderful. thank you.
Jan 23 2013 2:49AM
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Aidan-G
Posts: 9415 - Karma: 10,861
Good start. Here's three more

Skeleton walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a beer and a mop"


Bill Clinton is walking around town when he comes up to a hooker. Clinton says, "How about it? 10 bucks." The hooker says, "How about 50?" Clinton says no and keeps walking. Couple weeks later he sees the same hooker and says, "How about it? 10 bucks" she says, "How about 50?" Clinton says no and walks on. Couple more weeks go by and Bill is out walking with Hilary and they see the hooker. The hooker yells out, "Hey Mr. President, see what you get for 10 bucks?"


(I don't know if this one will work in writing but lets find out)
Three Native American children are sitting in a teepee with their mom. The first one asks, "Mom why am I named Leaf?"  The mom says, "Because when you were born a leaf landed on your head." The second kid asks, "Mom, why am I named snowflake?" The mom says, "Because when you were born a snowflake landed on your head." The third kid exclaims, "aaarrahragrbairhaoihroiagrgara!" and the mom says, "Shut up Brick."
Jan 23 2013 2:56AM
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Uah
Posts: 1104 - Karma: 176
Have you guys heard about these new corduroy pillows?

They're really making headlines.
Jan 23 2013 2:58AM
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B.Aussie
Posts: 5852 - Karma: 4,531
While watching TV with his wife, a man tosses peanuts into the air and catches them in his mouth. Just as he throws another peanut into the air, the front door opens, causing him to turn his head. The peanut falls into his ear and gets stuck.

His daughter comes in with her date. The man explains the situation, and the daughter's date says, "I can get the peanut out."

He tells the father to sit down, shoves two fingers into the father's nose, and tells him to blow hard. The father blows, and the peanut flies out of his ear.

After the daughter takes her date to the kitchen for something to eat, the mother turns to the father and says, "Isn't he smart? I wonder what he plans to be."

The father says, "From the smell of his fingers, I'd say our son-in-law."
Jan 23 2013 5:43AM
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Aidan-G
Posts: 9415 - Karma: 10,861
I laughed at your joke then I read your sig. Then I laughed even harder
Jan 23 2013 5:47AM
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mklammer
Posts: 388 - Karma: 610
lol :D
Jan 23 2013 5:51AM
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HWW
Posts: 3084 - Karma: 3,436
You're just nasty lol
Jan 23 2013 5:52AM
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SkiTheYeast
Posts: 2310 - Karma: 390
So far you win
Jan 23 2013 9:20AM
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Caucasian_Asian
Posts: 2447 - Karma: 1,665

Jan 23 2013 2:18PM
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loomis
Posts: 945 - Karma: 176
That was amazing.
Jan 23 2013 2:24PM
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dan1080
Posts: 1293 - Karma: 913
why do lesbians shop at Cabellas?










....because they dont like Dicks
Jan 23 2013 2:53PM
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Blurst
Posts: 13577 - Karma: 10,169
great one
Jan 23 2013 2:57PM
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ch@se
Posts: 790 - Karma: 71
Guy 1: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Guy 2: I don't know

Guy 1: To get to the gay guy's house

****A Few Moments Later****

Guy 1: Knock, knock

Guy 2: Who's there?

Guy 1: The chicken.
Jan 23 2013 2:59PM
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shelbskis
Posts: 203 - Karma: 712
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hahahah still funny no matter how many times you look at it

Jan 23 2013 3:07PM
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j-bo
Posts: 347 - Karma: 329
Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom?


because the Pee is silent.


What do you call a mexican with a rubber toe?


Roberto


What did the mexican say when he lost his english paper in the wind?



Hey essay, where you going.



What are the similarities between black racist jokes and mexican racist jokes?



Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal.


Why did the guy who crushed pop cans hate his job?

Because it was So Depressing.



Jan 23 2013 3:46PM
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Stickity
Posts: 7750 - Karma: 769
the wnba

an irishman walks out of the bar

your mom goes to college
Jan 23 2013 3:50PM
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iFlip
Posts: 4543 - Karma: 19,132

Two cannibal jokes I like:

What is a cannibal's least favorite part of a vegetable?

The wheelchair.

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

Wiped.

Do me a favor and don't post the stupid cannibal joke about the clown. It sucks. Seriously.

Jan 23 2013 3:53PM
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Kirsakid
Posts: 1793 - Karma: 126
What do you call a black priest? Holy shit

What do you call 4 black guys in the back of a pickup truck?
A good days hunting

And guys don't post any holocaust jokes my grandfather died at Auschwitz.
HE fell of the guard tower.

What do Jewish pedophiles say? “Hey kid, want to buy some candy?”

What’s the worst thing about getting your keys locked in your car outside an abortion clinic? Having to go in to ask for a coat hanger.

What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? Acne doesn't come on a boys face until he’s 13.

I was raping a woman the other night and she cried, “Please, think of my children!” Kinky bitch

and heres a blond joke

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock.
They only have $600 left. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.'
The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office and says, 'I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.'
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, 'It's just 99 cents a word.' Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.
After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, 'I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.'
The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word 'comfortable?'
The brunette explains, 'My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it very slowly ... com-for-da-bull.'
Jan 23 2013 4:07PM
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Stickity
Posts: 7750 - Karma: 769
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Jan 23 2013 4:07PM
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cubber
Posts: 1933 - Karma: 638
hahahahaha i can't wait to tell someone this. alpha as fuck. women will be impressed.
Jan 23 2013 4:21PM
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Stickity
Posts: 7750 - Karma: 769
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Jan 23 2013 4:24PM
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feihlination
Posts: 8356 - Karma: 1,084
this one?

Cannibal one: Does this taste funny to you?
Cannibal two: Considering that this man was a clown he must have been in poverty so he resulted to being an alcoholic and maybe over dosed on over the counter drugs.
Cannibal one: Thank you for that reasonable answer.
Jan 23 2013 4:28PM
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brotherdad
Posts: 2076 - Karma: 13,067
Did you hear about that circus fire?

It was "in tents"
Jan 23 2013 4:58PM
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Puns
Posts: 2052 - Karma: 429
solid, gas, liquid or aqueous?
Jan 23 2013 5:11PM
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Flyon
Posts: 295 - Karma: 331
How do you know your mom is on her period? Your sister has blood in her pussy.
Jan 23 2013 6:37PM
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accualyisdolan
Posts: 3295 - Karma: -192
What do you call an anorexic girl with a yeast infection.
Quarter pounder with cheese

I win
Jan 23 2013 6:42PM
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Hi.Phi.
Posts: 602 - Karma: 84
What did one tampon say to the other tampon?

Nothing. they were both stuck up bitches
Jan 23 2013 6:46PM
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P.opsicle
Posts: 478 - Karma: 29
Normally when you have lost your khakis you've lost your pants, but if you're from boston once you've lost your khakis you can't start your car anymore.


Doesn't work as well in texts, read it aloud.
Jan 23 2013 7:11PM
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Pigeon.
Posts: 2366 - Karma: 3,979
hahahahahahahha


a jew with a 6 inch boner  walks into a wall.
what happens?
....
his nose hits first

why did hitler kill himself?
he finally got his gas bill

why all black people so fast?
because all the slow ones are in jail.
Jan 23 2013 10:06PM
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Aidan-G
Posts: 9415 - Karma: 10,861
Ha gross
Jan 23 2013 10:09PM
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Inline.
Posts: 4424 - Karma: 432
Threads. These are amazing.
Jan 23 2013 10:16PM
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bennybaker
Posts: 24 - Karma: 186
4 natives are standing at the corner of the street, what's missing?
The 5th.
Ba dum tsss

Why do natives choose AT&T?
More bars in more places.
Ba dum tsss
Jan 23 2013 10:45PM
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